Speaking of love letters...
Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ]
08 Oct 2012, 7:42 pm
It's ironic that someone just started a thread about unexpectantly receiving a love letter today, when I just wrote a draft of one myself.
There is a girl who lives a in a different city than me (not exactly long distance, but it's over an hour) who I got close to. But we are both very busy and she said she couldn't handle going any further before things did actually go any further. I saw her once since this at a social gathering. I would say that there was still something between us. If we had more alone time I would have been comfortable physically engaging her (kissing or something), but she was getting close to me on the couch at certain points. I probably didn't react that well since there were others in the room and I don't think they knew there was anything between us. Maybe I should have been more open to holding her hand or snuggling up closer? I was a little uncomfortable, but at least she still seemed to be okay with getting somewhat close. That's why I say there was still something there between us. And I can see it in her eyes.
I am writing this letter to basically say that while I understand why things can't work out right now, I don't want this to be a dead end with no possibility of anything happening at some other point. And I still want to see her every so often, and I don't care if feelings develop further and we are not geographically close. I can handle that; I just want to be with her in whatever capacity.
I have avoided using too strong of language (like love). I am just saying she is special and I want to keep things open. But this is just a draft on my computer screen right now. I am unsure of whether I want to actually handwrite it and mail it. I am a little anxious about doing that. I think she would like it, but I am still hesitant. I just fear a negative reaction, even though I think that is unlikely.
Should I do it? I think I need either motivation or a dose of reality to prevent a mistake.
08 Oct 2012, 10:20 pm
AimlessArrow wrote:
It's ironic that someone just started a thread about unexpectantly receiving a love letter today, when I just wrote a draft of one myself.
There is a girl who lives a in a different city than me (not exactly long distance, but it's over an hour) who I got close to. But we are both very busy and she said she couldn't handle going any further before things did actually go any further. I saw her once since this at a social gathering. I would say that there was still something between us. If we had more alone time I would have been comfortable physically engaging her (kissing or something), but she was getting close to me on the couch at certain points. I probably didn't react that well since there were others in the room and I don't think they knew there was anything between us. Maybe I should have been more open to holding her hand or snuggling up closer? I was a little uncomfortable, but at least she still seemed to be okay with getting somewhat close. That's why I say there was still something there between us. And I can see it in her eyes.
I am writing this letter to basically say that while I understand why things can't work out right now, I don't want this to be a dead end with no possibility of anything happening at some other point. And I still want to see her every so often, and I don't care if feelings develop further and we are not geographically close. I can handle that; I just want to be with her in whatever capacity.
I have avoided using too strong of language (like love). I am just saying she is special and I want to keep things open. But this is just a draft on my computer screen right now. I am unsure of whether I want to actually handwrite it and mail it. I am a little anxious about doing that. I think she would like it, but I am still hesitant. I just fear a negative reaction, even though I think that is unlikely.
Should I do it? I think I need either motivation or a dose of reality to prevent a mistake.
I wouldn't send the letter.The distance between you two is a big obstacle and I am not sure sending a letter is going to do anything in regards to increasing her desire to be in a relationship with you.I think you should wait until you are both in close proximity to one another and see where things stand then.
There is a girl who lives a in a different city than me (not exactly long distance, but it's over an hour) who I got close to. But we are both very busy and she said she couldn't handle going any further before things did actually go any further. I saw her once since this at a social gathering. I would say that there was still something between us. If we had more alone time I would have been comfortable physically engaging her (kissing or something), but she was getting close to me on the couch at certain points. I probably didn't react that well since there were others in the room and I don't think they knew there was anything between us. Maybe I should have been more open to holding her hand or snuggling up closer? I was a little uncomfortable, but at least she still seemed to be okay with getting somewhat close. That's why I say there was still something there between us. And I can see it in her eyes.
I am writing this letter to basically say that while I understand why things can't work out right now, I don't want this to be a dead end with no possibility of anything happening at some other point. And I still want to see her every so often, and I don't care if feelings develop further and we are not geographically close. I can handle that; I just want to be with her in whatever capacity.
I have avoided using too strong of language (like love). I am just saying she is special and I want to keep things open. But this is just a draft on my computer screen right now. I am unsure of whether I want to actually handwrite it and mail it. I am a little anxious about doing that. I think she would like it, but I am still hesitant. I just fear a negative reaction, even though I think that is unlikely.
Should I do it? I think I need either motivation or a dose of reality to prevent a mistake.
08 Oct 2012, 11:03 pm
bruinsy33 wrote:
AimlessArrow wrote:
It's ironic that someone just started a thread about unexpectantly receiving a love letter today, when I just wrote a draft of one myself.
There is a girl who lives a in a different city than me (not exactly long distance, but it's over an hour) who I got close to. But we are both very busy and she said she couldn't handle going any further before things did actually go any further. I saw her once since this at a social gathering. I would say that there was still something between us. If we had more alone time I would have been comfortable physically engaging her (kissing or something), but she was getting close to me on the couch at certain points. I probably didn't react that well since there were others in the room and I don't think they knew there was anything between us. Maybe I should have been more open to holding her hand or snuggling up closer? I was a little uncomfortable, but at least she still seemed to be okay with getting somewhat close. That's why I say there was still something there between us. And I can see it in her eyes.
I am writing this letter to basically say that while I understand why things can't work out right now, I don't want this to be a dead end with no possibility of anything happening at some other point. And I still want to see her every so often, and I don't care if feelings develop further and we are not geographically close. I can handle that; I just want to be with her in whatever capacity.
I have avoided using too strong of language (like love). I am just saying she is special and I want to keep things open. But this is just a draft on my computer screen right now. I am unsure of whether I want to actually handwrite it and mail it. I am a little anxious about doing that. I think she would like it, but I am still hesitant. I just fear a negative reaction, even though I think that is unlikely.
Should I do it? I think I need either motivation or a dose of reality to prevent a mistake.
I wouldn't send the letter.The distance between you two is a big obstacle and I am not sure sending a letter is going to do anything in regards to increasing her desire to be in a relationship with you.I think you should wait until you are both in close proximity to one another and see where things stand then.There is a girl who lives a in a different city than me (not exactly long distance, but it's over an hour) who I got close to. But we are both very busy and she said she couldn't handle going any further before things did actually go any further. I saw her once since this at a social gathering. I would say that there was still something between us. If we had more alone time I would have been comfortable physically engaging her (kissing or something), but she was getting close to me on the couch at certain points. I probably didn't react that well since there were others in the room and I don't think they knew there was anything between us. Maybe I should have been more open to holding her hand or snuggling up closer? I was a little uncomfortable, but at least she still seemed to be okay with getting somewhat close. That's why I say there was still something there between us. And I can see it in her eyes.
I am writing this letter to basically say that while I understand why things can't work out right now, I don't want this to be a dead end with no possibility of anything happening at some other point. And I still want to see her every so often, and I don't care if feelings develop further and we are not geographically close. I can handle that; I just want to be with her in whatever capacity.
I have avoided using too strong of language (like love). I am just saying she is special and I want to keep things open. But this is just a draft on my computer screen right now. I am unsure of whether I want to actually handwrite it and mail it. I am a little anxious about doing that. I think she would like it, but I am still hesitant. I just fear a negative reaction, even though I think that is unlikely.
Should I do it? I think I need either motivation or a dose of reality to prevent a mistake.
From what I have written, I don't say that I want a relationship right now. I just say that I don't want to close the door on it just because of the distance and busy schedules. I don't want those realities to kill any possibility of something happening, whenever that may be. That's what I'm basically trying to say.
08 Oct 2012, 11:37 pm
Hi Arrow. I believe that there's a distinct hierarchy in communication forms concerning important personal/social communications:
1) The best communication occurs face to face.
2) If it's impossible to speak in person, phoning is the next best.
3) Write if you cannot speak on the phone, but the written word is the most prone to misinterpretation.
I am not referring to those more legalistic situations where you'd want a written record.
You clearly want to continue dating this girl. Call her and ask her on date. She just might say yes.
I don't know why she decided to quit her relationship with you. For me this is the relevant portion of your post:
Quote:
There is a girl who lives a in a different city than me (not exactly long distance, but it's over an hour) who I got close to. But we are both very busy and she said she couldn't handle going any further before things did actually go any further.
She may have felt that the frequency (infrequency) of contact in your relationship was not enough to support a physical love affair. Many women need a fair amount of non-physical, plain old relationship time (talking, dining together, seeking entertainment together, etc) in order to feel close enough to want to be lovers. It's very similar to, or close to being something of a commitment that we women want together with being lovers. We want to know that we can depend upon seeing you again soon.
Or, she may have felt that given her busy life, her relationship with you was not compelling enough to put precious time into.
I think a love letter may be a mistake. If she "just isn't that into you" it will be uncomfortable for her and perhaps humiliating for you. Also there is the waiting. Waiting for an answer that may never come is torture.
Love letters are great for lovers and appropriate for lovers. Maybe not so great for couples who are split. Call her. Unless she has asked you to not contact her, you have no reason not to.
08 Oct 2012, 11:52 pm
Quote:
I don't say that I want a relationship right now.
If you don't want a relationship right now; why on earth would you write a love letter (even a not very strongly worded one)?
Perhaps this young lady perceives your indecisiveness and isn't interested. We have term for that; dance away lover.
Dance away lovers seek our attention ardently. They then treat the actual relationship as something that they want to preserve in abeyance just in case they may someday want something more.
Dance away loving is not very satisfying.
09 Oct 2012, 12:13 am
MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
I don't say that I want a relationship right now.
If you don't want a relationship right now; why on earth would you write a love letter (even a not very strongly worded one)?
Perhaps this young lady perceives your indecisiveness and isn't interested. We have term for that; dance away lover.
Dance away lovers seek our attention ardently. They then treat the actual relationship as something that they want to preserve in abeyance just in case they may someday want something more.
Dance away loving is not very satisfying.
You have it completely backwards. I'm not the one who doesn't want a relationship. I would have easily agreed to one despite the distance and everything else. She is the one who said that we can still hang out but she can't handle a relationship right now, especially not with the distance. I am simply acknowledging this conversation we had in the letter while saying that I want to still see her when it is possible, and that I want to keep the door open to a potential relationship at some point in time since right now isn't the right time for it. I'm not indecisive about anything. I know what I want. That's why I feel the need to express what I want to her.
09 Oct 2012, 8:51 am
Quote:
I'm not indecisive about anything. I know what I want.
Good.
Quote:
I am simply acknowledging this conversation we had in the letter while saying that I want to still see her when it is possible, and that I want to keep the door open to a potential relationship at some point in time since right now isn't the right time for it.
Truly, the best and usually the only way to keep the door open to a relationship is to be in relationship; in relationship in person as much as circumstances allow. You can communicate with her remotely, but real relationships are built upon experiences together.
Quote:
I am simply acknowledging this conversation we had in the letter while saying that I want to still see her when it is possible
Don't just say it, do it, call her and arrange a time, place and activity in order to hang out.
Look, you had an opportunity to do just that when you saw her at the gathering. Reading between the lines, she is saying she is open to hanging out but doesn't want to get physical. Now you regret not trying to have been more physical with her. What you might be better regretting is not having set up a date to see her again.
Quote:
That's why I feel the need to express what I want to her.
She knows what you want. Demonstrate that you understand what she wants by arranging to hang out. Any kind of love letter is too much too soon. If you are really motivated by this girl, give the relationship the time to develop at her pace and comfort level while keeping to door open through real contact. Get this relationship out of your head and into reality. The only way to for you to really get who this girl is and for her to really get who you are is through shared experiences.
09 Oct 2012, 12:46 pm
AimlessArrow wrote:
MountainLaurel wrote:
Quote:
I don't say that I want a relationship right now.
If you don't want a relationship right now; why on earth would you write a love letter (even a not very strongly worded one)?
Perhaps this young lady perceives your indecisiveness and isn't interested. We have term for that; dance away lover.
Dance away lovers seek our attention ardently. They then treat the actual relationship as something that they want to preserve in abeyance just in case they may someday want something more.
Dance away loving is not very satisfying.
You have it completely backwards. I'm not the one who doesn't want a relationship. I would have easily agreed to one despite the distance and everything else. She is the one who said that we can still hang out but she can't handle a relationship right now, especially not with the distance. I am simply acknowledging this conversation we had in the letter while saying that I want to still see her when it is possible, and that I want to keep the door open to a potential relationship at some point in time since right now isn't the right time for it. I'm not indecisive about anything. I know what I want. That's why I feel the need to express what I want to her.
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