is this consider friendzone

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there are incident where a guy will have a crush on his female friend. but his female friend doesn't like him (in that way)
so the guy will get mad at his friend. I don't consider that ''friendzone'' because the female friend never act like his girlfriend
and only act only as a friend. and the guy only act like a friend too. Like they knew each for 2 years and the guys goes ''hey let have sex'' and the girl says ''no'' and they guys get mad, Im on the girl side. she never lead him on.

to me a friendzone female friend is when a girl basically acts like a ''psuedo-girlfriend'' can like my op, it when a girl acts
more than just friends. it when a girl expect a guy to buy her stuff (flowers), take her out to dinner, and she says thing
''oh,sweetest guy ever'' or ''I love you so much'' . but she never date him.

in closing: a female friend: act like a friend
a ''fake'' friendzone: is when a guy get mad at this female friend for not sleeping with him
a true friendzone: when a female friend acts like a pseudo girlfriend

So, in short, it's not black or white. All sorts of guys could end up falling into a state that could be classified as the Friend Zone with the girl.

For the record, I'm not protesting that I'm there. Im saying it hurt like hell to realize I was there. It hurt even more to talk to her about it and find out that she knew how I felt about her (I told her from the start of it) yet she decided to stay on board for the ride and keeping quiet the truth her non-existing interest in me.

Guys don't realize they've been friend zoned until it they've been burned. The burn comes from having been misled that, as rabits put it, the friendship that organically seemed to have developed into something more... really wasn't it seemed. Its not a thing of 'she owes us a relationship/sex/whatever' its more of 'she knew she wasn't into me yet never said anything even after I made my feelings for her clear...and kept going out with me in what were clearly date-like situations' kind of situation. Not all women are the same so there is no way for us to know if she's acting/taking advantage or merely that she is interested but prefers to not go too fast.

Your quote has an interesting section: "women are under no obligation to return romantic feelings for a man and the existence of a “friend zone” suggests otherwise."

Now, I completely agree with it. Fully. However, it also conveniently avoids mentioning that while she has no obligation to return FEELINGS she does have the obligation to not behave as if she were. Seriously now.. if your friend TELLS you he has feelings for you and you keep going out on 'dates' with him and never tell him you're not interested in him... how the heck is the guy supposed to know? Your actions are telling him the opposite thing.

I'm not talking about friends hanging out from time to time or having lunch every now and then... im talking about dinner,movies once or several times a week, going on roadtrips, talking for hours about very personal things, etc. etc. These are not the things you do with 'friends' , these are things you do with someone you are developing a deeper relationship with.



^ exactly my point.

Think of it if a guy did this to a girl. The guy knows the girl is into him and he is not into her but every time he is with him he behaves very charming and very different from how he acts with other girls that are his friends. He leads her on doing all the things in the book that show interest in her, sharing very personal information,etc... and then, after a long time, when she thinks it is time to ask him to officially be her BF she finds out he really never was into her at all. I guess then, when the roles are reversed the guy is the manipulative jerk rather than someone who is not under obligation to return feelings?

A female buddy once me confessed me something about her that I'll never ever forget: "we girls like to have a fan around; and yes, it bothers us when we lose him" -- no of course she's stereotyping her gender but my point that girls think like her do really exist.

Dantac... uhhhhh the fact you ("you" being the man in your example) are not dating the person makes it pretty obvious that the feelings are not reciprocated. or you could ask directly. if you say you are interested and the woman says, "thanks," for example, that's a pretty strong sign of non-interest.

if you are taking someone on "dates" in the hopes that sex or a relationship will happen, that is pretty messed up to begin with. very, very manipulative. how about just being friends with a person unless you are actually dating them?

and Boo, out of hundreds of women i've spoken to, not a single one has ever said anything like that. it's a pretty outlandish thing to say, and it sounds indicative of her own personal mindgames, not the antics of entire groups of people. like that actually needs saying - do you really think that little of women?

True, but what about the term makes it invalid? What's the difference between rejecting someone in an effort to preserve a friendship and "friendzoning"? I'm probably missing some context surrounding the history of its usage/definition, because I don't think there's necessarily a difference of opinion here.

when people use the term, they mean it like a bad thing, as though being "friendzoned" is a negative place instead of just... being friends. it means that a person's friendship is not valued for what it is. people see it as a sort of friend-jail, where they are sent for punishment after treating the object of their affection so nicely... and of course their romantic interest goes after people who treat them "badly" instead.

if "friendzone" was a neutral term, it would make total sense, but then it wouldn't need to be used because "being friends" works perfectly well instead. but it means something bad. check out urban dictionary's definitions of it (which are largely skewed towards the men's perspectives).

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... end%20zone

Yeesh, thanks for clarifying. That's irritating.

Also, I find it ironic that people are assuming that these girls are totally, 100% aware of how they're coming off, as if they're orchestrating some plot to manipulate/hurt them, when I've found that I, and I'm sure many others with ASD as well, are frequently misunderstood due to our behavior and lack of self-awareness.

o yes, that is exactly it!! !! thank you for explaining it so well, i think i was unclear.

Hey, let's be fair, that explanation linked to by Hyperlexian makes assumptions about the guys as well.

not sure which part you are talking about, or why it isn't fair, so i can't respond to that. if you mean UD, well yeah

True, but it's common vernacular. As in, people actually use it according to those definitions. It's not like a bunch of girls wrote those entries to make guys look bad or anything.

Actually, that girl did try to make all guys who end up in the Friend Zone as fake Nice Guys.

The problem is that it's not really that black or white.

I'm sorry, I think you're misunderstanding me here. What I mean to say is, as hyperlexian demonstrated to me earlier, the usage of the term has some underlying assumptions, and those who use the term tend to use it in a specific context.

btw, just in case there's confusion, I'm referring to the Urban Dictionary entries. If you haven't already read them, then I suggest you do, as it's clear that users of the term are the ones who wrote the definitions, and aren't just trolls trying to make them look bad.

I just checked. Definitions vary.

Which is exactly my point.

Not every guy who ends up in what's labeled the Friend Zone is going to be the same as the next guy who ends up in it.

Some are narcissists, but that is not the case for every one of them.

Just like hyperlexian's assumption that I (or guys in general) date just to get sex.

I WAS a close friend of hers for years before this all started. Things happened and we begun to see each other a lot more frequently (lots) and going out to places and getting closer emotionally. I thought I was dating her until she dropped the bomb on me. Again, I did make my feelings for her known early on and she kept rolling with the bus... and I asked her directly about becoming formal bf/gf after a while, when I felt it was right to ask and that's when she made her disinterest known. Only then. She wasn't even surprised I asked her..she was expecting the question.

Someone who is just a friend does not go out with another person on things that are very clearly dates constantly nor do they reach a level of emotional connection where literally one knows the other's secrets and things during said 'dates' and time spent together.

She knew what she was doing from the very start and said she felt terrible after it but she still did it and would've kept doing it if I had not asked. This is the friendzone. Its the twilight zone+ phantom zone that you don't realize you're in until its too late.



'signs' ? seriously? How about the 'sign' of her actions by going out with the guy in things that are obviously dates? After he tells her how she feels? No, no, im very sorry but we are not psychic mind readers to realize 'thanks' means 'not interested'. *I* made it very clear verbally and through my actions about my interest in becoming more than friends. 'thanks' is not a verbal means of saying 'no' and accepting the above-and-beyond-just-friends-level activities ('dates') and exponentially increased time together is not a way of saying 'not interested' through actions.

I want to make it clear. I wasn't angry or upset with her; nor did I blame her for it as if she had done it maliciously. I was merely just very,very disappointed with the fact that she chose a path that she knew from the very start would hurt me. I'm still friends with her at the level of helping her out and talking every now and then... but she knows I can't have lunch with her or hang out anymore; not after this.

Finally, I don't know how you personally think relationships develop since going out with people is one of the most common ways for a relationship to happen. hanging out as friends, dating and developing a deeper connection as a mid-step between friendship and relationship and finally, relationship (in my book the sex comes in long after that).