is this consider friendzone

Post Reply New Topic

no, you misread.



she never said she was interested in him, she only agreed to try it out. he wanted to believe something that was clearly not there.

Dantac isn't a mind-reader. If she knew from the very start, why did she say yes?
If there was some attraction she would of said something along the lines of...."I learned that there wasn't a connection as I thought there could be".....not "I knew from the start it wasn't going to happen"
The onus was on her to tell him that there was no attraction and she did not say anything.

no, it wasn't on her. as soon as he wanted to get serious, she put a stop to it - she fulfilled every responsibility she could have possibly held there. she didn't allow it to get serious as she did not have feelings for him.

although you are determined to find fault with her through whatever mental gymnastics, it just isn't logical. i think we'll have to agree to disagree.

We'll agree to disagree on this one.
Most guys consider going on dates to be serious, since they happen so rarely.

if a girl doesn't like a guy, then why do they act like a ''quasi girlfriend'' and go on all these ''phony dates''
to dantac. so your pseudo girlfriend went on more than one ''date'' with you but then she said ''you were not her boyfriend''
I think, sorry i can't read alot of stuff.

I still sometimes go on dates. My girlfriend still sometimes goes on dates. Admittedly a lot of people are freaked out by the idea but I'm quite upfront about the fact that I am in a relationship.

Sometimes, in the past, whether in or out of a relationship, I've made my intentions clear and yet still the person I've gone on one or two dates with feels hurt when I again reject the possibility of a relationship. I've had men tell me I've put them in the friend zone - here I thought we were doing just that, becoming friends. When I've insisted on paying, sometimes men will say that I did it intentionally so I could later put them in the friend zone - as if I'm a whore who refused to accept payment.

The few times I've gone on dates with guys and let them pay, all but once I was told that I seemed really chummy when they were paying for a date - then I gave them the cold shoulder later. As if I'm a whore who didn't make good on providing the service they were paying for... and in either case I've had guys act like their TIME was payment for something beyond friendship.

This is generally what I think of when I hear a guy talk about the friend zone. Years of having dudes behave as if women owe them something more than friendship for their time and behavior. I've known more guys who weren't like this at all, more than the few who were. But these guys never acted like any woman owed them anything in the dating world.

THESE ARE JUST SOME THOUGHTS I felt like sharing.

My personal definition of the friendzone is limerence with neither reciprocation nor outright rejection from the other party.

This generally is a miserable situation for both parties (one side is frustrated and the other often feels guilty) but at the same time neither is willing to suffer the pain and consequences of breaking it off. The exception is when one of them is a narcissist or a sociopath, but in my opinion this trends more into abuse than a mere friendzone which I don't consider to be malicious.

So, yes, I believe the friendzone is real but it has nothing to really to do with actual friendship in a direct way.

well, them guys are wrong. you never friendzone them. you told them guys up front you didn't want a relationship.
far as I know you didn't act like an ''quasi girlfriend' toward them guys.

the friendzone is a widely accepted word used to define the situation where a guy likes a girl, and wants to be more than friends, but she doesnt want the same thing, and prefers to be just friends.

this video explains it quite well.

on a separate note, i dont think its fair to any of the multiple people you would be dating to date more than just one person. it takes a lot of courage, strength, preparation, and much more to ask someone out, and continue to pursue them. if you are dating someone and they know you are dating other people, you have basically told them up front that you are weighing your options. works out really great for the people you might end up being with, but for everyone else who 'weighs less' its not so great, especially if you date them multiple times, and say things that would lead them to believe you like them. and even moreso if you dont tell them you are dating more people than just them.

i think its much better to give one person your full attention, and give them a real chance, then move on to the next person if it doesnt work out with the first person. this way both parties dont feel like they are in this competition where they are basically powerless (i like you, but you are just trying out 2 different people, but i'll still try because i like you and want it to work out), and could be likely wasting every bit of effort and time on someone who is still 'undecided' as to which of their 'weights' weighs the most. 'i like you TODAY, but tomorrow i might just ignore you because i have a date, but the NEXT DAY i might think i want you again, but mayyyybe that other guy could be cool if i just dated him more'. push / pull / push / pull rollercoaster rides arent something people should have to deal with, and many people, myself included, dont have the filter required to just give up on the person they like when they are doing it. its terrible for hopeless romantics especially, as they dont want to give up till the bitter end XD.


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGK2KprU-To[/youtube]

No, I'm very clear with people that I don't want a relationship, and that's not what dating is to me. It's really only been a problem with guys, and I basically don't date men anymore because there is so little attraction to begin with - it's not really worth it to deal with these repeated scenarios in which men(primarily) have had trouble understanding that I will never want a relationship no matter how clear I make it.

Monogamy just doesn't work for me.

Have you made it clear that you're polyamorous? I would of thought that the people who want exclusive relationships would avoid polyamorous people, thus filtering them out. It may be that those men are dating because they actually want a long-term relationship, rather than a casual affair.

I'm not polyamorous. I'm in an open relationship. It's not really the same thing.

yea, but you should be clear about it either way.

she said she is clear (as bolded).

Oh oops, ok.

we need to do a dating focus group where we can dissect interactions and tell people "aha! see? that is the problem."