Look out! It's a Nice Guy! DESTROY HIM!!

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It tells you obviously about the opinion of that one single woman? Or do you agree with everyone here on this forum, only because the oh so important cause, of them having a penis just like you? So if you dont, why should I be else then you?

This common delusion among women is due to.... a reality, the reality of hypergamy - and it's most common among religious community (well I live in the Middle East, therefore....).

A total LOSER girl (like the one you described) is capable of getting a guy with good job and car and maybe better looking too, the equivalent loser guy can't. Why? because it's a hypergamous culture, most cultures have deep-rooted principle that women should marry up, and the religious mindset is usually the most hpyergamous.

Ok, maybe your 'friend' is an extreme case and won't find her dream guy easily - but I've witnessed plenty of jobless, mindless, loser (yet ok looking is the only 'positive') girls who get very successful and good looking grooms.

The main root of hypergamy tho is biological - hence my comment about sperm and eggs.

Yeap, here is the keypoint.

Women have a natural tendency to marry up. Traditionally women were considered a valuable part of the community by themselves, their capacity to give birth gave them value, while men has to prove their worth. Of course, not everything is possitive about it: as a valuable worth, women used to be 'controlled', leading to a lack of freedom.

To say it otherwise: women could marry up because they had restrictions too. As an inherent valuable member (even a valuable object, let's be honest) that the community protects, you can be hypergamous, but you must accept to be 'locked'.

Now it has changed. Women are not locked anymore. They have freedom. But it means that at the same time they have lost their special status. So you either you offer anything else, or you give up marrying up. Equality goes both ways. Or it should.

You can't move to a new social role, and keep the advantages of the previous one.

That's the problem with women. They still don't have decided what they want to be: free, valuable objects, or a middle point. By now they want both of them full. And this is not possible.

So the problem about woman, is the same about men. That they are individuals, and so didnt have a grand worldwide meeting yet, to decide themselves, what ALL men have to want. The thing is, if all women decided to be the same and have the same wishes, what do you want to do with the men, that are not interested in that kind of woman?

Thats the great thing we both sexes can enjoy today. That we dont need to be anymore explicit, according to our sex. We can simply be ourselves. Thats the great advantage for all of us. The great misadvantage is, that we as need to accept that as well on our partners, and so need to seek and accept partners the way they are, instead of forcing and pushing our expectations on others.

There are men, that like the traditional role, and thats ok, because there are women that like the traditional role. And there are men that dont like them, and thats ok, because of women, that dont like that as well. And thats the great freedom we can enjoy nowaday, that we can be the way we want to be and seek partner that fit well with us, and that we dont need to play a certain role anymore according to our sex. Thats not a problem, that the two sexes havent come together yet to decide each on his own, what role they want to be forced to play now, thats a gift.

That's a cool video 'nuff said

Last edited by savvyidentity on 25 Jul 2013, 6:34 am, edited 2 times in total.

Its 30 minutes long but its worth a listen imo.

For anyone with some sort of attention deficit disorder:
A) Girlwriteswhat presents the way nice guys are attacked by feminists/society using several feminist articles to do so
B) Girlwriteswhat presents the way "nice girls"(same situation and behaviours, just opposite gender), whenever present, are treated in a much nicer way using several representations on the media and how the viewer is supposed to feel towards the characters(no articles on "nice girls" as far as I know)

In my own experience she has a point but I could be wrong.

Boo, Kjas, Greb, and the others here...you guys really don't get it. Not at all. This guy nailed it right from the beginning. Let me spell it out:

Dickhead + Confident = Laid.
Nice Guy + Confident = Laid.

Dickhead + Wussbag = Virgin.
Nice Guy + Wussbag = Virgin.

That's it. That's it, right there. The only exceptions are where the ladder two manage to score something from the bottom of the barrel.

We've all seen the sexy as*hole that pumps and dumps any girl he can get his hand on (plenty of them). We've all seen the charismatic, fun, smooth-talking loverboy (They're honestly the cream of the crop). We've all seen the bitter, misogynistic losers (that no woman in her right mind would touch with a 20 foot pole). Lastly, that sweet, kind, caring guy that couldn't protect his woman if his life depended on it (even if it was ANOTHER WOMAN threatening her).

That's it, boys and girls. That's the secret. Be strong, and you'll surely have no issues nailing at LEAST a plain Jane.

Last edited by Shau on 25 Jul 2013, 6:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Great. And?

When I said otherwise?

I believe women like nice guys. That is an attractive quality. I think you are a fool to believe otherwise,

The thing is women like other qualities to and even if you have heaps of other good qualities, they still may just not be attracted to you.

Nope, not the same or equivalent to the nice guy. This is an example of a spoiled brat, the equivalent to the snob boy who wants a hot princess and nothing "less".

Also, "nice" or "decent", they're both constructs that need to have meaningful definitions before a distinction is necessary. There are many genuinely nice/decent people who have problems having relationships. The distinction between "nice" and "decent" is meaningless.

That's an opinion that you're free to have, but it's not necessarily a fact. My opinion is I'm entitled to some money for having worked very hard at something that I'm being paid for. Maybe what you mean to say is nobody is entitled to a relationship.

But even if it is a fact that nobody is entitled to be romantically/sexually intimate with someone else, how would saying this help in any way? Especially if coming from someone who may be experiencing this stuff anyway?

Are people not entitled to have friends as well or a family? Imagine having lots of friends and a great family but saying to someone else who doesn't that he/she isn't entitled to it. It's a bit self-centred if you ask me.

but I do agree with that guy.

Yeap. Of course he's right. He's not discovering America.

But it's not only that. It's about being decent, and having ambitions, and purposes, and skills, and some social success, and so, and so.

And that's OK, you know, asking is OK. But if you want to ask, you have to give something in exchange. And you to give something that has the same value. Traditionally women were valuable because they were women. But now, well, now we're equal. So what exactly a woman offers in exchange?

I am a nice girl. I have always been nice. I never hurt people deliberately, often go out of my way to help people, expecting nothing in return, follow the rules, etc.
I get used, left out, taken advantage of, robbed, walked all over etc. I stupidly don't change the nice persona because I choose not to.

I was pretty when I was young, and nice. I have never had a male that I liked like me back. The slu*ty girls, and the confidant, pretty girls got them. I felt like people assumed I would marry some church goer, or some very daggy accountant, and I really resented the assumption. (really put me off church goers and daggy accountants )

Thing is, this 'nice' problem goes both ways. You can argue about the differences between males and females, and their gender roles, etc, but when it comes down to it, to say 'women are so and so', and 'women do this because of whatever' is no different than the feminists saying 'all men are pigs'.
I resent being pigeonholed by anyone for any reason. It is all just prejudice to me.
SOME women might be whatever, but I am not.

I will add a couple of things that I learned in psychology this year. Like some of you, I too get very perplexed and distressed by people who remain in abusive relationships. (oh the irony)

There is a thing called the 'self verification theory', which states that you are attracted to people that verify what you already think of yourself. So if you have very low self esteem, you might be attracted to someone who treats you like s**t, because you already believe that is what you deserve.
You probably already all have heard of this. I do not know whether or not I agree with it, but the next bit really makes me wonder.

There have been multiple studies on different species of animal to test how they respond to their caregivers according to levels of abuse. They did this on chicks, monkeys and puppies. I shall describe the puppy one.

They got some puppies and each day gave them a one of range of treatments, from their caregivers, as follows:
1. No treatment, just have caregiver present, for an hour (I think) (control condition)
2. Play and positive attention for hour
3. Abuse for hour (kicking, hitting, electric shocks)
4. Positive, loving attention for half an hour, followed by abusive treatment for half an hour.

Results:
When they reunited the puppies with the caregivers, later, they measured how much time the puppies spent following and being with their caregivers, reflecting the strength of the bond they had with their caregiver.
The least time was the 3. puppies(abuse only), then the 1. puppies(no treatment), then the 2. puppies(love only), and the greatest time by far was the 4. puppies(love plus abuse).
So the puppies that received the love PLUS the abuse showed the most loyalty to their caregivers.
This is a strong result, and repeated with the other animal species.

This messes with my head. Even animals prefer a bit of abuse to niceness.

Do we like to earn someones love, and don't value it if it comes too easily?
Do we feel hurt by the abuse and just automatically go to the usual source of love, for comfort, even if it comes from the same source as the abuse?
Do we have trouble believing that someone we care for hurt us, so keep trying to win them over to show we were not stupid to love them in the first place?

WTF is going on!!??! !
See, now that I am married to an abusive man, I would kill for a nice, boring, predictable, church-going daggy accountant.

By the way, those studies were done in the 50's and 60's. They would never get away with that now.

I'm sure you're a genuinely nice person, but from what I gather from your post, you had guys wanting you. You just didn't like any of them back in that way.

Nice guys usually don't have any girl pursuing them, although this is not always the case.

I think the closest female "equivalent" to the nice guy would be a physically unattractive girl who desires a relationship but is unsuccessful because guys are generally repulsed by something physical about her (whether it's extremely obese weight or deformed face with no hint of prettiness on it or ... )

A nice but pretty girl with nothing else going for her has more chances of being with someone romantically/sexually than a nice guy with good looks but nothing else going for him.

Here:

You wrote that you dont want them to be individuals with each woman deciding on her own what she wants, so causing a world with womans that want to be free, womans that want to be valuable objects, woman that want to be a middle point....but you wanted one with woman deciding to be clone troopers, that decided them to want only a certain thing.

If you were talking about woman wanting all of that, then you simply wrote something not being true, because the two hours ago I was on the toilette, I certainly still was a woman, and I am not interested in being a middle point. There maybe some few, that want all of that, just as there are men that one to be the great home rulers, while on the other side they want to be taken care of like little boys, and so and so on... But thats certainly not all men, and accepting men to be individuals also means to accept such men existing. Luckily not more then that, so you are not forced to have relationship with such persons. If you dont like woman that want all of "free, valuable objects, or a middle point" then, simply dont go for them. There are lots of others, that have choosen other things, because of them being individuals.

Only the same thing that men can offer: The person that they are and being a mate to your opposite. Nothing more and still more worth then every gold in the world for the right person.