Fear of kissing/making out...

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Ok... so... I was wondering if anyone else has this fear?

I'm completely and utterly petrified of it... ever since I was about 6 and heard about germs for the first time, stopped kissing my family members and refused to let them kiss me... and its just gotten so completely disgusting to me, that seeing it on tv makes me cringe, and reading about it, and on forums I start gagging if it gets in depth... start gagging if a dog licks me... nevertheless a human... just not going to happen >_<;;


But beyond that... its a fear, a phobia even, that I've accepted as part of me... I'm not going to suffer and try to get through it... its way too disgusting and scary and ewww... >_<! !! just accepted it as the way things are...

Unfortunately, so many people in this society seem to love doing this disgusting act, that I'm scared to date, because I don't want this situation to come up... and don't want try (and fail) to explain why I won't... nor do I want to force the other person to have to deal with it... its not their fault I'm phobic of it, and if they enjoy it, that's not fair of me to require they can't do it >_< so'd rather let them find someone else who'd be more open minded...


...least that's how I generally feel about it; unfortunately (or is it fortunately?), there's someone I like, and we're just getting closer and closer and closer... I'm not sure exactly what to do now... we aren't dating... yet... but we're hanging out a fair bit, and getting closer than mere friends... so I'm scared that this will turn into dating (despite the fact I like him, and I think he likes me... least I'm pretty sure he does)... and don't really want to let him down or get into the situation where I have to explain how I refuse to kiss...

But... I still want to hang out with him, and if it weren't for this phobia, all my other "reasons" for not dating... could be put aside and I could go through with it (because its not *JUST* kissing that makes me reluctant to date; kissing's just a very big one)... I think I could do the rest... the snuggling, and coddling, and sex even.... but not the kissing stuff... so maybe its dealable for another?

Does anyone else refuse to kiss/make out, but has a bf/gf? How'd you tell them? If not, but sympathetic/empathetic... what would you do? This guy is pretty cool (I'm... not attracted to him, physically (I'm pretty sure I'm asexual...), but emotionally/mentally he's an amazingly awesome and nice person, and he'd probably understand and go with it... but just feels... so wrong forcing a constraint on him... and I also feel like... he's a really good person... like sickeningly so... nice to everyone, good natured, never really depressed, fun, etc.... where I'm a total spazz, and try to make things funny/amusing during the day to get through (around others), but alone I'm seriously, sometimes suicidally, depressed, and just all out feel like a f*** up... so don't really want him to see my bad sides either; but one of my biggest bad sides is this... serious phobia of making out-- because its such a human activity, that most ppl do... that makes me feel subhuman >_<)

You are not alone. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Maybe he's cool with it.

Or, try it. Sit on a couch together with the lights on in a controlled, safe environment. Brush your teeth first so you don't feel germy. I suggest no makeup for you, and have him shave.

I am the other side of the coin....a man who had trouble kissing his girlfriend. I was okay for makeout sessions on the couch. If she put on tons of makeup and went down to the club to get liquored up...then I had problems.

Either way I hope it works out for you. Good Luck.

I'm scared of it, but for different reasons. I'm 31 and have never done it. I'm worried that the first time I do it, making a huge assumption that I actually do get a chance to do it someday, I'll embarass myself horribly.

I struggle with it really badly it's not like i dont want to of have a fear of it i just cant do it and ive bee with my GF for 4 years!

So... what do you? Just not kiss? You tell her about it?




Its... something that I *DONT* want to overcome, because its that phobic to me... like making someone scared of spiders, live in a room with them... not exactly something they'd desire... they may or may not survive the experience >_<;;;

only way I can see it happening is if I got totally wasted... and thats unlikely as hell, because I'm rather scared to drink too (for completely different reasons)




Its... not bothering me that I don't want to, but rather the dissapointment and expectations... don't want to have to explain how flawed of a person I am... or be expected to 'grow out of it' or being pressured into it... and know that... its my choice and shouldn't be pressured into anything, but choice or not, social pressure is a lot... just feels terrible leaving someone out of something because of your own selfish desires >_<;;; even if they dont pressure me... always gonna be on my mind :X

So really, my only answer to this situation is... to just not date... but is it possible to date someone and not kiss them? >_<

I'm not scared of kissing in the same way you are... I just get really anxious when it's about to happen or when it's happening. After being with someone for awhile I get used to it and love kissing... but when I first kiss a person I'm so awkward about it and I always have to break away and giggle, and I feel stupid. And after kissing someone for the first time I get so shy, and I can't say any words at all.

I'm sorry that I can't give you any advice, though. I hope he can be understanding.

Tsiiki, have you thought about talking to a professional about this? They can help you overcome this as much as you think it's too powerful to squash.

It might just come to the point where you outgrow that symptom of OCD, I've lost OCD germ issues myself simply because I was tired of dealing with them. Once you reach that point mentally it allows you to let them go one at a time... course I tend to gain knew ones from time to time too. :p

Keep in mind when you really like someone it's in your genetic make-up to want to touch, etc. them. Perhaps you just need to come across that right someone?

Anti-septic, germ-killing, mouthwash

Hello Everyone!! !
I came across this posting when I was researching content for an article I am writing about kissing. Would you mind if I used some of this content in my article?

Please let me know either way.
Regards!! !

If you start to get nervous, imagine him naked.






























Wait...that myth was busted.

Um... I don't see why not... but not sure what exactly is useful for you (just the existence of ppl who are petrified by it?)

and Boo...

UGH NO!! !! !! !

*braincrash*

*...reboot*

Ok, I survived, but yeh, dun think that'd HELP in the slightest XD

The one and only time I made out with a girl, it was a little awkward at first but I liked it, French kissing is just a indescribable sensation - you and your partner's tongues are touching each other, and while the thought of it can turn off or disgust some, it's one thing that I think is obligatory when I'm in a relationship. It's the other time you and your partner can get physically close without sex.

Of course, it's not pleasant when you gotta tell the girl not to bite your tongue. I also like to stroke my tongue along her teeth, cheeks and the roof of her mouth - just to explore her and mix things up a little bit.

My advice - talk to each other, make sure you guys have "kissable" breath, TAKE IT SLOW and don't fight each other's tongues and resist closing your jaws. The thought of two tongues touching each other and saliva being swapped can be disgusting but for some, it's a turn on.

Tisiiki....
Thank you. It is pretty fascinating. While I was waiting for your response, I came across some interesting information that may be of help.

In a way I have similar issues with kissing. Except that I can't kiss people that I don't care for. For ex... I slept with a guy about a month back, and there was no way that I would let him kiss me. But my reasons were different... I'm not afraid of germs. Once upon a time I was, but I woke up and realized that those germs are more than likely in this persons mouth because of something consumed. And, you know, I happen to consume products too. I don't grow all of my vegies or raise my own cattle, so really I don't exactly know EVERYTHING that I put in my anyway. On top of that I probably inhale more germs when I'm on my morning walk. Suddenly kissing someone isn't all that dirty. My fear of kissing stems from "falling" for the person. I can have sex with a guy that I am merely physically attracted to...I'm a girl that has needs, but I will only kiss a man that I am falling for or already have.

I'm dating a guy currently that absolutely loves to kiss. And I will be honest, the first time he kissed me, I almost felt a little violated. Here was this guy (a guy that I really wanted to have sex with, but not kiss), and he just crossed a boundary. In his mind it was ok, but he didn't ask. I am completely ok with it now. In fact, I look forward to his kisses.

I can respect your analogy of being locked in a room with spiders when you are suffer arachniphobia. However, at your age most psychologist would suggest you trying it. Just tonight I read cases on people practicing on something that was trusted. It may sound absurd, but I would be more than willing to give you links on what I have found. What you are facing now is truly more than just philemaphobia....psychologist would more than likely steer you into discovering what else could be causing this fear. Possibly, at your age since you have never kissed anyone or thing, you might have a little fear of failure. Maybe you just aren't quite sure what or how to do it....which could raise the anxiety.

If nothing else, it's definitely worth considering. I can assure that if and when you have done it once your curiousity level will rise. More than likely you will want to try it again, and when that occurs you may just feel what the hype is about this "kissing stuff." Similarly to having sex, it could be a little painful at first, but with continued acts and when with the right person....can be very Euphoric.

As for the dogs and other animals that have this undying urge to lick, "kiss," everyone he/she comes in contact with......YES very disgusting. Your disgust is validated. Here's why I can agree with you one this.....you and I both know what else that animal has been licking, and I'm pretty sure that many, most, owners don't brush their pets' teeth after every act. ICKY!! ! I don't think I know one man that can bend far enough to do that to himself. And any man that is wanting to impress you, and they will want to, will brush his teeth prior to embracing you.

It's been months since you originally posted your situation. I truly hope that it is still working out for you and your friend.

Yeh its been a while... haha... we're in exactly the same position~ I'm refusing to say anything for fear of pushing relationship one way or another, and he... dunno~ dunno if he just views us as friends, and that's the end of it, or if he's just unable to read me because I'm sending off mixed signals, and thus unsure how to react, and giving me my time and space... haha dunno~

(By mixed signals... this weekend went over, and he made me dinner, sat down on couch... whoopsies, about 6' away from him :X didn't even notice it, but sat down after dinner a little closer to table, and he commented on how I was 2' closer >.>;; *still about 4 feet away from him...* so yeh, I can see how I'm sending of some seriously mixed signals xD...)

I don't know... I'm pretty ok about germs in general, but there's something particularly nasty about saliva (I gagged reading post above yours :X). I mean, 5 second rule stuff doesn't bother me, silverware falling on floor, pick up rub off or rinse off and fine, no real fretting or freaking out. But saliva (ugh, even the word summons nasty images *shudder*) is just repulsing to me.... Not just others either, mine bothers me as well. If its in my mouth, and stays in there, good, I don't have to think about it, and can move on with my life. But if it leaves... ughhhhh... get some drool on face, no way I'm touching that with my tongue, quick! wipe it off! Used to play trombone, and it was really nasty because spittle would collect and you'd have to open a lever to let it out.... I'd have to remove mouth piece and clean over and over and over and over again, because was so nasty, even though there was next to nothing in the mouthpiece, and the lever stuff... ughhhhh *gags.* Same for playing a whistle, or clarinet, or when blowing through a straw... if I notice my saliva in there, I start gagging and have to clean out right away... rinse it out the straw with water, remove mouthpiece and rinse and clean it...

Its just so gross x___________x;;; I mean, I end up rubbing off/goingtobathroomandsoapingoffifIhaveachance whenever a family member kisses my forehead... met this guys family (guy I'm talking about/like), and his grandfather kissed my hand... *hid it behind her back and rubrubrubrubrubscrubadubdub it off*

I don't know, its a weird hang up... licking someone else's blood up is like 100x more appealing to me than kissing :X (and still pretty gross.)

But yeh... sorta confirmed my fears... that a huge majority (won't say everyone, always chances out there) of the population wouldn't accept a partner who doesn't kiss :X

I'm not sure about fear of failure... that's pretty evident in most things for me, and does affect me a lot... but this... is so overwhelmingly disgusting and fearful, that failing at it isn't even a consideration. Its like I'm completely dead set on NOT having to go through it, so no need to worry about whether or not I'm good at it. Only case I can see myself doing it is while drunk (at least for first few times, maybe after having accepted that I was kissing while drunk, might be able to lessen fear while sober... maybe. Still very doubtful >.<!)

Why do other people find other animals saliva disgusting, but not humans? :X Totally same level of nastiness in my mind ~.~;;

Blegh... I don't know :X Its honestly the biggest factor keeping me from dating... there's a few other things here and there that add up, but if this phobia was nonexistant, than I'd probably be all over dating someone long before now :X...

ughhhhh *trembles thinking about it*

Anyways, whats your article about? Just different peoples reactions?

I'm not scared of kissing because of the germs and such, but I am afraid and anxious whenever it comes to kissing. Like, my partner and I made out a lot in the beginning of our relationship and overtime, I started to get a little bit use to it. Plus my partner was really intuitive to how much kissing I could handle before freaking out, what I was ready for, that kind of thing. If they ever felt like I was getting overwhelmed, we'd stop until I felt better.

....But then my partner was taken off of anti-depressants and medication for anxiety (Wellbutrin and Prozac). They lost all interests in anything remotely physical and we stopped being intimate. At that point, I started having panic attacks whenever they randomly decide they want to be physical. We're at a place that isn't quite a happy medium, but it will have to work if we want our relationship to work. My partner has picked up on my anxiety and fear, so the issue of being intimate isn't there. Over time we've realized that snuggling and a lot of quick pecks make me feel loved.

When I was young, I did think it was a rather odd thing to do, and even when I had a crush on someone, it still seemed like a weird thing that I wasn't particularly sure why anyone wanted to do.

Then I met my husband, and all that stuff you read about chemistry? It's true. All that weird stuff that they say you "have" to do, it's not about that. It was about this overriding need to get closer, and you happen to do some of the things that they talk about.

Biological imperative kicks in, it really does, and you more or less re-invent stuff because it gets you closer, not because it you're following instructions, if you see what I mean?


I think there's too much pressure to buy into what one "should" do with a partner, very like how we "should" buy the latest must-have phone, clothes, etc. As long as you're respectful of each other and each other's wishes, anything that does or does not happen is fine.