online question: is it appropriate to fade or tell them?

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so an update on my situation since it's been awhile that I talked briefly about.

I asked that girl to meet up. She was hinting at wanting to do something and I waited 2 weeks to ask her if she wanted to meet up sometime (yes, I realize waiting 2 weeks was a mistake). She ignores me, so I assume she's not interested. On OKC, if you have A-List, you can see if the person read the message. I saw that after a week she didn't see the message, so I sent another one not talking about a possible meet-up, she responds. We were somewhat talking about an event that's going on in a couple weeks we'd both be at. She never said she wanted to meet me there, so I assume she wasn't interested. She faded yet again, so I gave up on her. The disappointing this is that we exchanged about 30-40 messages, so I felt I was lead on..I have been talking to other girls on various places so it's not a big deal, it just annoys me I wasted time with her.

My question to you guys is if you had that many messages, is it ok to fade or to just tell them you aren't interested? I'd rather have the second option, it's still rejection at the end of the day, however, that many messages IMO I think the other person should say I'm not interested.

Also for that event, I assume she will try to avoid me, however, is it ok of me to ignore her if she tries to talk to me or should i just be nice? I'm not going to ask her out again, though I'd like it if we can both move on, talking to her again will just bring it up again in my head.

Some of this has been talked alot, but i haven't seen it with a real life wrinkle to it (event both people know the other will be at and will likely talk to each other). Thanks in advance for any replies.

some people fade IRL. Generally its up to the person to fade untill the 2nd in person date. After that you are no longer an abstraction but a real person who deserves at least a little respect. Even then however, as the recipient of a "fade" there is nothing you can really do about it, or should.

You can't tell if you're interested in someone just off a few messages - let alone hanging out twice.

You can't jump to conclusions and say she used you for attention and it's really unfair to you to waste all this energy getting upset over it. People have conversations in life all the time. It doesn't always mean they have to lead to something. A simple reply back doesn't guarantee mutual interest, it simply means they want to find out, after a few messages, they decided that answer was no.

Or, one of the other 200 guys who messaged her was more appealing. Who knows. Who cares.

What I see here is a very good clue and it has happened many times to me as well. You have great interaction with the person and then one person suggests meeting up (the guy in this case and the majority of my own experience). Anything that doesn't sound like a definite yes answer is taken as "not happening.". Next time it happens where you get the fade, I would recommend not texting or phoning them again. Doing so feels like getting a haymaker that stuns you. Going any further will likely result in the knockout blow. Not good for your self esteem.

i'd say the fade is only ok for short, impersonal exchanges. like 10-12 messages tops.
after the messages get lengthy, and intimate, you should tell a person you're not into them somehow. sometimes a strong hint works best, like "i'm not looking for a relationship".
i've been faded out by someone after months of courtship and 3 real dates with kissing and stuff. i was treated like a stalker for asking about it when i saw him weeks later. i realize it's not my fault - he was just a sadistic cad.