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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
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08 Mar 2019, 12:47 pm

So this is the woman who’s acting so super affectionate since the half-hour first date

For me, this ia an automatic:

I dunno why many find this hard to understand:
In order for me to be comfortable with a prospect SO, I have to feel that she finds me the ‘hottest’ type in her eyes - in other term if I don’t resemble at all the man of her wildest sexual fantasies then it will not work out, as simple as that.
Now I know many of you may be like “Oh but she may like you for personality” ... nope, that’s not enough at all, It is not a platonic friendship case here.

Maybe I didn’t reach the age when that doesn’t matter to me anymore, but till now I feel It’s *imperative* for me the to be seen hot in the phyiscal sense by the woman I am dating, otherwise I would stop it.

Am I alone in that?

valarmorghulis
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08 Mar 2019, 1:00 pm

I think it's the most natural thing you want to be seen as hot.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 2:49 pm

valarmorghulis wrote:

I think it's the most natural thing you want to be seen as hot.

I told her exactly the same words I expressed in the main thread, and I told her there’s no need to go on in this.

And her response is that typical thing that a lot of NT women seem to be culturally conditioned to say (and to deny othwrwise): “I dont care about physical appearance.”

I told her this will not work, and explained why it’s important, and she was like “Ok :thumbup” ... it ended as simple as that. Zero attempt from her side for any reassurance.

I know what she said is just a white cultural-induced lie, because two days ago she posted a half-naked hunk video on her facebook wall and she was like “he makes me hungry” with drooling smilies over him, so yes... it does matter. And pretty much too.
I am not born yesterday.

valarmorghulis
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08 Mar 2019, 3:08 pm

So why don't you just end it? What are you waiting for? It's obvious she's not for you.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 3:17 pm

valarmorghulis wrote:

So why don't you just end it? What are you waiting for? It's obvious she's not for you.

I ended it. I thought my last post was obvious on that part.

Here if you need more clarification:
http://imgur.com/YtwjfCH
http://imgur.com/M2SNXRC

This was obviously me ending the thing.

Earthling
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08 Mar 2019, 4:23 pm

You're not alone, Boo. I can relate.

Although, I have to say, the way you wrote it to her "If I'm not the guy of your wildest dreams"... that doesn't sound right to me lol. That's an exaggeration.
Like, I think if a girl wrote this to me I would be honestly put off by it and not sure what to say to that.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 4:34 pm

Earthling wrote:

You forgot the keyword “resemble”, it is “If I resemble the man of your fantasies...”, not really “the man of your fantasies” but at least to have some resemblance to him.

It never worked if it was less than that.

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08 Mar 2019, 4:43 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

valarmorghulis wrote:

I think it's the most natural thing you want to be seen as hot.

When it comes to relationship material a lot of women are looking for more than a 'hot bod', just because slim isn't her preferred body type doesn't mean there would be no chance whatsoever of a relationship forming.

Why would a woman have to find you the hottest guy they have ever seen or imagined in a sex fantasy, for there to be a chance at a relationship.

Meh also I'm almost 30, in a LTR....so obsessing over hotness of bodies or wether women see you as the hottest guy or not does seem rather juvenile to me. Not like me and my boyfriend aren't going to age and get wrinkles and develop more embarrassing body flaws. If we were so petty about looks how are we going to handle aging and watching each other get uglier.

I mean you're basically saying you refuse to even acknowledge most women who'd have attraction to you. Since its more likely women will have some attraction to you, then express that its as if you walked out of their wildest sex fantasy and no other man has ever come close to being as attractive as you are. But it's your life.

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08 Mar 2019, 4:50 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Earthling wrote:

That doesn't really make sense though...Why would you figure a woman can only be attracted to men that resemble whatever imaginary man she fantasies in her head?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 4:56 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

valarmorghulis wrote:

I think it's the most natural thing you want to be seen as hot.

Well, I did expect lectures like that, but whatever. Moral lectures about “personality” and aging... oh god, please spare me all of these lecures, I know exactly what they are about. lol

That was not the only issue about this woman tho, if you checked the othee thread you will know I saw her in person for only a half hour and she is already acting all flirting, even sexual flirting, sending me kisses, bla bla... etc

So it’s impossible that she liked me for my personality because... oh well, she barely knows me, right?
And after she admitted she doesn’t like my physical type then on what basis all this flirting was?

So you see, something wasn’t right.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 4:59 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Earthling wrote:

That doesn't really make sense though...Why would you figure a woman can only be attracted to men that resemble whatever imaginary man she fantasies in her head?

It was just an expression, it simply means that she has to find me attractive, otherwise it will not work out.
You are taking the fantasy thing too literally.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 5:10 pm

Quote:

More than a “hot bod”, yes.

But if it’s less then it is a problem, this will lead to gradual dissatisfaction from her part and lead things to a disaster.

Also seriously... if she really liked me, what person in the right mind would say that to a “crush/date”?
How would you feel if your boyfriend told you on the first date “oh well, but your thin face isn’t much my type”.
You’re forgetting that this is a very early stage thing.

Sweetleaf, you are not being rational.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 Mar 2019, 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Earthling
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08 Mar 2019, 5:11 pm

Maybe you got shit-tested.

Sweetleaf
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08 Mar 2019, 5:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Its not a lecture, just my opinion on what's been posted.

I figured that was your first interaction with the women, since in this thread you didn't mention the other issue. I suppose in that case it likely was not worth continuing with her.

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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 08 Mar 2019, 5:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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08 Mar 2019, 5:23 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Earthling wrote:

That doesn't really make sense though...Why would you figure a woman can only be attracted to men that resemble whatever imaginary man she fantasies in her head?

It was just an expression, it simply means that she has to find me attractive, otherwise it will not work out.
You are taking the fantasy thing too literally.

You are the one who said:
"In order for me to be comfortable with a prospect SO, I have to feel that she finds me the ‘hottest’ type in her eyes - in other term if I don’t resemble at all the man of her wildest sexual fantasies then it will not work out, as simple as that."

That is not an expression I have heard before for she just has to find me attractive. but alright.

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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 08 Mar 2019, 5:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Mar 2019, 5:25 pm

^ Yup, it has to be a very, very high level of attraction. True that.

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