18 Feb 2015, 8:40 pm
18 Feb 2015, 10:14 pm
18 Feb 2015, 10:37 pm
18 Feb 2015, 10:57 pm
like not dating an anti gun person when I'm pro gun
or not dating a tea party woman when I support welfare.
vegan while I eat meat
etc
my mom and consoler seem to think I'm picky. o.O My problem dating is more with picky women. I mean certianly all women aren't anti gun or tea party right? besides not wanting to be with people who are polar opposite of me I don't have many other issues besides smoking I don't like it .
I don't see you as being too picky. Trust me, I have seen people that have a whole checklist of must haves and don't wants.
Most things you mention are political, and many people tend to have strong opinions about particular issues. That being said, I don't think it's a total dealbreaker to date someone with different political beliefs, but you would have to find a reasonable one that at least aligned with you on a few things.
The whole vegan/meat thing doesn't have to be a dealbreaker either, as long as you both are understanding of each other. If one or both of you carry strong opinions against the other, then it probably wouldn't work out so well.
Smoking...again, it all depends on how strong of opinions one or both of you have about it. Personally, I have found that most people that don't smoke, absolutely hate it, and those that do, hate being lectured about it by the non-smokers.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
19 Feb 2015, 2:56 am
19 Feb 2015, 6:08 am
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
19 Feb 2015, 7:13 am
19 Feb 2015, 11:33 am
19 Feb 2015, 1:50 pm
19 Feb 2015, 3:19 pm
its just the problems that would arise from
guns are bad, people who own guns are child murders, you're a child killer, why do you kill childern etc.
meat is bad, animal murder, I can't even look you in the face, don't eat that meat in front of me, in the house, etc.
I would love to get a girl who would go shooting with me, so even someone who doesn't own guns and just never cared for them wouldn't be too bad, my family is like that the last girl I knew was, but more they hung around the more she asked to go shooting, now my sister wants to go try. and once they do its fun. maybe they won't be all in to it like me and just own a 22 or just go shoot my guns, or maybe they will and carry etc. thats fine, even if they find with me owning them keeping them in the house and loving it but don't want to (worse case) but still ok. i really don't see someone anti gun wanting to be with a pro gun. the who me or the guns won't end how they think.
similar with anything. I like video games I won't give them up they don't have to play them but if they resent me for it thats an issue.
as for vegan/etc. I would go out of my way to cook them special and separate meals. I liked this girl who couldn't eat alot of stuff and made bread, pizza etc with almond flour(expensive) but was willing to buy her some and make stuff, current crush has gluten allergy so I look for gluten free stuff. so if its the I personally don't eat meat but don't care if others do, thats great, just the meat is murder types I can't be with. I couldn't date someone I thought was murdering people/things, so I don't see how they would.
smoking killed my grandpa, i never got to know him. all my uncles smoke, i inhaled it from a kid and hated it. might even give me cancel, so no thanks and it smells awful, friend and his family smoked and he lived here for a year and omg when he smoked secretly we all knew. does seem most people smoke now a days though 
weed is another issue that I could put up with if they used sprays and chewing gum. i dont' get how you can tell someone to chew gum because their breath smells bad=not rude, but asking someone who smokes to do so is the worse thing ever.
look wise I find most women attractive so not picky about that, I would like to just find someone who shares tv shows with me and has enough in common to get along but stuff different so we can learn from each other. actually think it'd be funner to find someone not into guns and then get them into guns then find someone already into guns. the whole sharing that part with them. I'd like to learn stuff from a gf as well.
19 Feb 2015, 8:18 pm
19 Feb 2015, 9:18 pm
There are plenty of "opposites attract" couples. Essential, of course, is the ability to respect the differences and not take it personally when you inevitably enjoy "debates" about them. It is actually a ton of fun to watch these couples talk in public about the hot topic subjects: they debate and tease and laugh. Now, if YOU can't do that, that is a totally valid reason to avoid people with very different values and beliefs, but don't put it on them; that is on YOU; your choice, not theirs.
Personally, I like having a husband I align with on all the important stuff, and I'm actually surprised I ever found that. But I did date many opposites and while I did find myself able to enjoy the debates and keep mutual respect, it also wasn't what I found myself needing at the end of a stressful work day. But I would not have known that if I had never tried it.
Dating is the time when you are supposed to try on different types of relationships and learn how they work - or do not work - for you as a unique person. How can you know what helps you find your best self (as good relationships do) if you limit what you are willing to sample?
I have found that most relationships work best, if couples align on the important stuff, yet are different enough to keep the relationship interesting. If a couple is too much alike, they usually either get on each other's nerves, and/or the relationship gets boring, after they are together for a length of time. If they are polar opposites, the relationship might start out interesting, but after a while, the couple's differences become less and less interesting, and more of a tug-o-war, that ends up driving a wedge between the two.
That's not so true in my experience and others' experiences.
Similarity means stability, difference leads to conflicts.
Keeping a relationship interesting and non-boring have very little to do with whether the couple are too similar or not.
1. I said most relationships...not all
2. You are mostly right, but too much of either one can also lead to problems. The key here is balance.
3. Relationships need to be dynamic, yet not too dynamic (polar opposites). Think about it...would you want someone agreeing with you on every single thing, and acting exactly like you all the time, or would you want someone that agrees with you on the things you feel strongly about, yet differs from you on certain things that you may be lacking, or didn't realize you actually liked, because you would never try it yourself?
19 Feb 2015, 10:21 pm
19 Feb 2015, 11:39 pm
Depends on how much it affects a relationship and how important the issue is to you, I suppose. You're unlikely to find anyone who doesn't disagree with you on anything, and it's going to be pretty much impossible to not find anything new to disagree on over the course of a lifetime together.
20 Feb 2015, 2:23 am
