Observations regarding Physical Touch in relationships

Post Reply New Topic

Hello All,

I was thinking back to a few dating/relationship type field observations I had made note of.
One thing I personally noticed about myself is that I generally hate to be touched. (not sure if this should go in the Love and Dating or Adult Issues section)

Two exceptions to this are the following:
*I love deep touch/pressure example: tight, enveloping hugs analogy: the "squeeze machine" that Ms. Grandin talks about in her books. Or just the weight of another person on top of me... but completely still.
*Any kind of uniform consistent touch. Or in other words, the exact opposite of light touch or stroking.

I hate light-touch in that it gives me like a sensory overload, but at the same time makes me incredibly sexual. So, there is this double-edged sword dynamic going on of: I like light-touch( in a sexual human sort of way), but it stresses me out (in a sensory aspie sort of way).

Moreover, deep touch is associated with increased intimacy and associated with being "further along" the bases or something like that- like other forms of more intimate sexual contact are ok because those two things "deep pressure" and more intimate forms sexual/physical contact are connected.

My problem is that for me personally they are not connected.
However, when I explain this to people there is generally confusion. They don't seem to understand what I mean even though I feel like I'm being really clear with my words and using my words precisely.

I really do hate the light-contact, but at the same time it is arousing.
I like deep touch/pressure, but it is associated with more than I would like physical contact.

Anyone else have issues with this? Does this make any sense?

Also, this isn't particularly "normal" at least so my NT female friends say. I've also been told that this is "unfair" to the other person. I have a better understanding of what I like/can tolerate, but haven't really been able to find other people that tolerate this well. The best-case scenarios have always been other Aspie males. In particular because I don't disclose my aspie diagnosis or anything aspie related to anyone really. I will just verbally explain or tell my likes/dislike to other people. But aspie guys seem to intuitively pick up on it better/or just listen better. And apparently I'm just confusing for NT guys.... in the same way that I am confusing for NT girls.... I think it might be due to the fact that those ideas do not follow the set cultural script in dating. And this can show up quite early like the first/second date when the other person goes into hold hands or lightly brush their hand against my face or whatever, and I recoil away ! I also despise PDA but then this means any sort of contact takes place in two-people settings... but then people confuse that with let's do super sexual stuff as a sub meaning. I don't mean that at all however. But then I'm just taken as being "coy" or some such BS.
I really don't like that though.......

I'm the same way with physical touch. I don't think it is something that needs to be explained to people. If I'm not close with the person, we don't touch. End of story. Touch is extremely meaningful to me, so I don't go around passing it out to everyone, and I don't want to receive it either.

My family and *very* close friends are allowed hugs, and they are "real" hugs. Other people get nothing. They don't need to know light or deep pressure, etc. Only my husband needs to know that.

It has always been easier to communicate "no touching" than to try and wade through all the nuances of what is OK when. The general rule is "I don't like being touched." Then, those who I'm very close to can learn about a different side of me.