Anything random to say about your crush/love/relationship?

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well it seems i am going to have to go to tammy's place for christmas after all.
she told me i had to go whether i liked it or not, and she said she would probably cry if i did not go (when i asked her what would happen if i did not go).

i asked her to try to assess the probability that she would cry if i did not go, and she immediately said 100%, but i knew she could not have calculated it that fast, so i asked her to think more carefully about it and she said in an excited manner that if i did not want to go then it was fine with her.

i then told her that i was relieved that we had sorted that out, and she told me i was unfeeling. i could not be bothered to interrogate her as to what she meant by that, so i asked her if my going to her place (mothers place really) would solve everything and she said yes.

so it looks like i am going to have to go there for christmas and i have no idea what i will do there. her mother and brothers and sister will also be there, and they always try to involve me in their stuff, but i do not like their stuff, and i have a hard time pretending to be acquiescent.

it is better to just let them talk and not say anything because whatever i say will just stir their pots. i hate having to shut my mind for any length of time. i can not meditate. i find it difficult to think about nothing.

what a drag it is going to be...

I don't know how long you two have been together but I think it's worth for you to make efforts to go outside of your safety zone. If she's important to you, it would be very sweet of you if you show her that these people who are important to her are important to you as well. But most of all, she would want to spend Christmas with you and she would want you to feel the same way as her even if with her family members attached.

To my special someone: Thank you! Thank you so much! Lots of love!

15 years

tammy is important to me, but they are not important to me, so i can not really pretend that they are. they do not like it.



tammy can talk more easily with me than anyone else in her life. she is also autistic and she does not see the sense in conversation with them, but she gets something out of being with them nevertheless. she likes to have me there because i am unlikely to be lost to her because of her sibling's conversation. i am similar in many ways to tammy, but one difference is that i never crave company and she always does.


i do not know what that means but thanks for considering my post.

i may try to compile a list of similarities between me and tammy. not because i need to remember them, but because i like to see them in print.
so, it is hard for me to consider things like this...

similarities:
likes airplanes to an extreme degree and has very long attention span when watching slow moving things.
i like airplanes too in a similar way to her, and she is transfixed by flight simulator.
we can go on 3 or 4 hour flights from one airport to another together. sometimes she is on the controls and sometimes i am.
we can watch the terrain rolling by underneath and remark to each other how fast we seem to be going (even though it looks slow to the un-inquiring eye) and she and i know the landmarks that pass by and we both know where we are precisely in the trip.
no one else has ever been able to accompany me on those virtual trips.
she wants to watch for hours the otherwise normally boring scenery pass underneath the plane and we fantasize about having a bedroom on the plane and going to bed and putting the plane on autopilot for 8 hours, and i reposition the game camera to show an "out of a side window" view on the big TV as we go to bed and she keeps watching it until i have to get up and land the plane.

she likes that i have no attitude about anything. she finds my frustration episodes at minor things hilarious. i can go almost beserk at very trivial inconveniences, yet remain unfazed at things that would make other people impassioned.

there is more to list as to compatabilities but i am tired of doing it.

"if there was anyone who understood me best in this life of mine, it was tammy" is what i expect to think when i am a few seconds away from death (hopefully a long time in the future).

It would be nice if my SO has some similarities to me as well..I may sort them out someday I didn't think about them yet.

Thanks for the letter, that was sweet…you're sweet to me and your girl …IDK

I sincerely hope you like the presents I'm going to send you!

If I had the strength I'd beat the f**k out of your moronic ape you call a boyfriend.

My first impression of your cargo ship draw was …'hmm..it's not good'
but after observing close, I found you have a delicate hand to draw that clean lines..
But you got me, I rarely find complete satisfaction in any drawings.
And dude, seriously..what was the last line supposed to mean..that made me feel overloaded…

i find myself pushing and adding to my existing drawings more and more, looking to perfect them and almost inevitably, by the time i decide i'm finished i wish i had not tampered with them in the first place.

Yeah, It's hard not to be such a perfectionist when it comes to drawings.
It doesn't matter how others evaluate it, it only matters how my eyes are satisfied with the results, which rarely happens.

it happens more and more often with me now.

where did your username come from?

Welcome to the painful artist's life!

As for my username, I've quoted my post from Feyokien's thread "Explain Your Avatar And Username"

i never would have guessed chromosomes. (creative...)

I like painting and drawing too!

To my special someone: I'm feeling happy today, and I hope you are too!