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crs927
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 14 Dec 2015
Age: 36
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08 Aug 2016, 9:23 pm

Not sure what I'm doing here, but I'm at point where I think I'm meant to be alone. I can't ever say I've had a girlfriend. I never really thought about it until my mid 20s. I'm constantly reminded of being single more than ever before now. Especially since I lost both my best friends to relationships. Then my sister got married and now she has kids, etc. I wonder what's wrong with me and why I can't obtain the same things as them. I feel like I'm too ugly for love. I can't help being short in height. I admit, I'm socially awkward when it comes to conversations. I'm not that socially savvy. I wish I knew how to be funny, but that's just not what I'm good at. I wouldn't say it's a confidence issue. More like my opportunities have dried up. I'm never in the right place at the right time. I do somehow come across girls that are nice, but they're always taken. I think whenever I reach my 30s, I'll still be wondering why I'm single. My whole past makes me feel like a reject of society.



kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2016, 9:31 pm

You have lots in common with many people--including even "neurotypicals."

I know the "lonely feeling." I used to experience it much.

But if you're a decent fellow, I'm sure you'll find somebody nice some day.



crs927
Tufted Titmouse
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08 Aug 2016, 9:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm sure you'll find somebody nice some day.


Yeah, I've pretty much heard quite a bit already. I was told that over 10 years ago and still things are the same. I guess some things I have no control over. Not everyone is giving the same fate. Someone has to get the rear end of something.



kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2016, 10:08 pm

But not you!

Don't preordain this fate for yourself.



crs927
Tufted Titmouse
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08 Aug 2016, 10:22 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But not you!

Don't preordain this fate for yourself.


Sorry, but I disagree with what you are saying. Though I'd like it if you'd refrain from telling me stuff that I've already heard. It doesn't help me at all.



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2016, 12:34 am

What am I supposed to say: Give up? I shall "refrain" from that.

The only way to alleviate loneliness is to distract yourself in some way. Indulge in your special interests.

I had no Internet; all I could do is watch TV, read a book, or go out somewhere alone. Now you have the Internet. So many more opportunities to learn and to interact with others. You can see someone driving on the highway in an exotic country. Imagine if I had the Internet in my 20s?

I know how it feels to be crushingly lonely. I've done stupid things because of being lonely. I could have gotten diseases. I could have gone to jail. Don't fall into the same trap.

Do something to assertively ease your loneliness.

As for women: the more women friends you have, the more opportunity you have for romance.

I can't give any other advice.



hurtloam
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09 Aug 2016, 1:13 am

Crs I know that feeling of hopelessness. It feels like nothing will change, that I'm just one of those people who won't find a partner.

I also feel like being told, "don't worry you'll meet someone" doesn't alleviate any of the pain.

Looking back over the past 10 years no one has wanted to go out with me. How is that ever going to change?

Anyway, Kraftiekortie is right. Don't focus on the negative. Do other things with your life. There are so many things to do there's no point listing them. Life is full of good things and we can be happy on our own even if it isn't what we had originally planned in life.

Loneliness won't completely dissipate, but you can make the best of a bad situation.

Also, you never know you might meet someone, but making that a priority will only depress you, it has to be a maybe I'll meet someone, not the overreaching purpose of your life otherwise you'll just get despondent.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Aug 2016, 1:32 am

It seems that the combination of short height + social awkwardness + low self-esteem (which is the natural consequence of the other two) is a killer combination for males (in negative sense) - you are not the first male with these 3 exact traits who complains about their lonely life. So I am starting to believe that it's not really a coincidence.
I am in the same situation and I am 6 years older than you and about 162 cm tall- nothing much changed for me since 28 except few flings.

I am not going to tell you cliché things, but instead I will tell you practical things but first I need to know: what is your ethnicity? Is the are where you live have different communities?

In case you are Caucasian or African, try to seek for Asian women in your local Asian communities if there's any (via dating apps), I am serious, they're usually shorter in average and hence much more likely to tolerate your short height, and this really makes a big big big difference, culturally they seem better in tolerating some social awkwardness/shyness too, I don't know why but in my experience they even appreciate social shyness/quietness in guys - and you are way more likely to be seen good-looking by them (because your features are exotic to them).
In fact, when someone finds you looks-wise hot, she/he overlooks a lot of things.
If you are of Asian descendant yourself, still try other demography.

Seriously, if they didn't exist on this planet my love/sex life history would have been way drier and worse. The only reason that prevented me to have a long term with an Asian girl is due to their brief temporary presence in the country - where I live there's no large Asian community living permanently here as citizens, they work then go.



Bridgette77
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09 Aug 2016, 2:33 am

Kraftiekortie and Hurtloam are right, and Boo's suggestion isn't a bad one either. I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but I have known men that are much much older and were still single, but they concentrated on their special interests, friends, going out as much as they could, and socializing, as best as they could, then time and patience finally paid off, so don't give up. :-)



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2016, 5:33 am

I'm short, have low self-esteem, and am socially awkward. I was eventually able to be decent with girls.



Sabreclaw
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09 Aug 2016, 6:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It seems that the combination of short height + social awkwardness + low self-esteem (which is the natural consequence of the other two) is a killer combination for males (in negative sense) - you are not the first male with these 3 exact traits who complains about their lonely life. So I am starting to believe that it's not really a coincidence.
I am in the same situation and I am 6 years older than you and about 162 cm tall- nothing much changed for me since 28 except few flings.


I'm over six-feet tall and it would be a miracle if a woman were to find me attractive. I very much doubt if you're perpetually single that putting on a few more inches would change that one bit.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Aug 2016, 7:06 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It seems that the combination of short height + social awkwardness + low self-esteem (which is the natural consequence of the other two) is a killer combination for males (in negative sense) - you are not the first male with these 3 exact traits who complains about their lonely life. So I am starting to believe that it's not really a coincidence.
I am in the same situation and I am 6 years older than you and about 162 cm tall- nothing much changed for me since 28 except few flings.


I'm over six-feet tall and it would be a miracle if a woman were to find me attractive. I very much doubt if you're perpetually single that putting on a few more inches would change that one bit.


For me it did when I switched my attention to a demography who are shorter in average - but there might be other factors for that too.



Statiky
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09 Aug 2016, 1:52 pm

I understand how you feel. It's awful and just sucks! Hugs! I'm 41 and thought life would be so different by now.
It's not your looks, btw. It's something about us, like a vibe we put off. Please, do not think I am vain (quite the opposite), but I am a beautiful woman. I work out, and I try really hard to be "presentable " and fit it. No one knows I'm an aspie, but they do comment how I am weird at times. I never understand what I do or say that is "weird" and can never get an explanation when asking, "How so?"
Men flock to me, but no one ever wants to date me or love me. I always end up as a friend only at a distance. I've been rejected for women that weighed 300lbs, not attractive, and very mean and rude. I'm always very nice to everyone. So, it's not looks.
Hang in there. I don't know the answers, but i do understand the pain all too much. :(



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2016, 1:59 pm

People always think I'm "weird," too. I've given off the "vibe" since I was about six years old. Before the age of six, I was blatantly autistic, so people didn't bother with me.

The "vibe" told every other kid to tease me mercilessly, and to watch my reactions, and to enjoy themselves at my expense.

I've experienced this sort of thing even on this Website!

They used to think I was on drugs when I was younger. My mother, who knows me pretty well, even thought I was taking drugs as a teenager (I've only inhaled marijuana once--when I was 18. I've taken no other drugs).

I have compensated in a way....by always being the "court jester" of whatever network I happen to "belong" to--whether it be a place of employment or a college classroom. Being the "court jester" makes you appear witty, yet somewhat weird, not someone to mess with. It also exempts me from participating in the blindingly boring social interaction found around many a water cooler.



Bridgette77
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10 Aug 2016, 12:51 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
People always think I'm "weird," too. I've given off the "vibe" since I was about six years old. Before the age of six, I was blatantly autistic, so people didn't bother with me.

The "vibe" told every other kid to tease me mercilessly, and to watch my reactions, and to enjoy themselves at my expense.

I've experienced this sort of thing even on this Website!

They used to think I was on drugs when I was younger. My mother, who knows me pretty well, even thought I was taking drugs as a teenager (I've only inhaled marijuana once--when I was 18. I've taken no other drugs).

I have compensated in a way....by always being the "court jester" of whatever network I happen to "belong" to--whether it be a place of employment or a college classroom. Being the "court jester" makes you appear witty, yet somewhat weird, not someone to mess with. It also exempts me from participating in the blindingly boring social interaction found around many a water cooler.



That's terrible! I don't understand why people treat people who are different than others like this! It enrages me! We are all different in some way! I could take any number of those snot nose bullies and pointed out their differences, and exploided them if I wanted to, I bet! I can't stand when kids and adults do this crap! Ever since I was younger, I swore I would change it somehow, one person at a time, if I had to. Think of it this way, for all of you who are lonely. For everyone of you who are lonely, there's another one who is lonely, looking for someone like you. That's what use to get me through those times of loneliness.



crs927
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 14 Dec 2015
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10 Aug 2016, 3:16 am

Well I'm already close to giving up. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've been enjoying life like usual and then this suddenly dawned on me. Do I really have to change who I am to please others? If that's what must be done, then we live in a very superficial world. Just wished someone would accept me as I am.