Can't stop feeling empty without a girlfriend

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A day doesn't go by for me without thinking about how I don't have a girlfriend. My mind is just deeply psychologically attached to this feeling.
I see couples wherever I go and it feels like they are part of a big romantic party while my invitation got lost in the mail.
I know that not all couples are happy but they can always find someone else while it feels like an impossible dream for me. I missed out on the psychosocial moratorium and it seems any social skill development has been halted for me.

I've been told I need to be happy with myself before a relationship can come into my life and while I do understand it, I can't find anything to be happy about in my life. When you've been socially rejected and fail at finding your niche as well as hit dead ends that seem to work for other people, it's almost impossible to feel like you have anything to live for.

I wish people didn't always push the advice on 'working on your own life' and 'working on yourself'.

Some of us simply want to live a life where we instead spend our time living to give and help others, rather than for ourselves.

The advice of 'do things that make you happy' should also apply to this as many of us find happiness in helping others.

Also, just look at a lot of people who do help others by volunteering or contributing.

Some of them are wealthy and use their wealth and power to help, but a lot of people who try to make the world a better place have little to nothing.

I'm talking about the fact I've read stories of poor, disabled, homeless people, etc. and yet they might clean-up a certain spot everyday, or donate what little money they have to charity all the time or buy a homeless person a free meal, etc.

It might be silly of me to compare human relationships to charity, but relationships are also giving and contributing positively to another person's life.

This can be the relationship with family, with friends, but also in a romantic relationship and what that entails.

Most romantic relationships are the strongest connections you'll have to another person in the world, to the point you may even put them over family and friends, and they the same for you.

You end up knowing this other person more than anyone else, even their own family and friends, and they end up knowing you more than your family and friends do.

So being in a relationship with another person is positively contributing to their lives.

Of course there is unhappiness and hardship, but in the end whatever positives the relationship brings simply cannot be compared.

The happiness of having a girlfriend for two weeks can bring me more happiness my bestest of friends have in a year.

This is partly why I want a relationship. For my own reasons of course, being lonely, etc. but I could be contributing to the world, I could be making another lonely, sad depressed persons life better by being there for them and someone that loves them, but I'm not and simply wasting my time being alone, pursuing my own SELFISH interests.

I feel we as a society, especially young millenials today, have become far too Individualistic.

Generation 'Me'. I genuinely think we're so caught up in loving ourselves and focusing only on our own goals and dreams, that we have forgotten to have love for others too, whether that be close family and relatives, friends, society and community as a whole, and, yep, romantic relationships too.

The single life is not all it's cracked up to be and I'm sick of Be Happy and Single Syndrome.

Take a gander at the comments of this article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/jamie-varon/2 ... ess-there/

I'm happy so many of them agree with you and I and think some of them are so insightful and relatable.

I do agree with your point - not everyone can live a life focusing only on their own goals, dreams and ambitions, or some of us already tried to but failed, or many of us actually have nothing in our lives so we simply work to make the lives of others better.

I have heard plenty of stories of people with nothing who work hard to give to others. It's because it's the only thing they have that makes them happy - giving to others.

So give to others if you can't do anything else on this planet aside from ending your life of course (don't do it, pick option A).

^ i was given to understand that 'working on yourself' meant working on your personal qualities as a human being, such as kindness and compassion for others, which will in turn bring good things your way - possibly love.

Being alone has only helped me realize one thing. Copy and Pasted from my thread on it:

"I only realized this quite recently, and before that it took me about 6 months to figure it out, but love and dating is my biggest special interest.

Every single day for several hours I use the internet to look at love and dating related things.

From personal experiences in a variety of places and forums, to tips and advice, to approach videos and social experiments. Aspie or N.T. alike.

This is one of the only things I actually use the internet for, and a few other things like socializing with friends on social media and catching up with news and current events, and looking for new music. And sometimes reading philosophy/history/etc.

Either way, it's gotten to the point of massive obsession.

It's strange - sometimes I do feel miserably lonely and depressed, but not as much as you'd think.

A lot of the time I look at these experiences, study these videos, and learn from them. I don't feel negative, but neutral about them, or even uplifted and inspired to try out this stuff myself."

I already have my own hobbies and interests, but still have too much time on my hands.

The time I could be spent socializing with friends if I had any genuinely nearby is spent doing this.

I'm not studying nor working yet, because I'm just not sure what I want to do yet. I am close to being on disability payment so that puts work out of the question. I am under 18 still and little do people know Meetup groups are almost always 18+. Besides, I have severe Agoraphobia and a fear of leaving the house alone. I'll need to get that out of the way first and possibly spend the next 1-2 years overcoming that first before even thinking about starting university where I'd be more independent and out of the house far more often.

I used to volunteer but am yet to get back into that.

What else do I do with my life? I want to overcome the Agoraphobia, but I have no reason or motivation whatsoever to leave the house for any reason. It's a catch-22. The only reason I'd want to leave the house is friends/girlfriend, which can only be made by leaving the house.

Until the family dog is old enough to be taken on walks, and until I get my bike and practice riding it again until I'm semi-decent, I'm not particularly fond or interested in walking around the neighborhood (which would be the first steps to overcoming this crippling fear of the outside world, step 2 would be going to the local esplanade on my bike and riding down in on my bike at my own pace, step 3 would be practice trips to the University and back, etc.)

Anyway...yeah...

This is hardwired I'm afraid and therefore nothing can make it go away totally. Not even buddhism. You can meditate or stroke the bishop and move on but desire will come back eventually, always.

I do see guys that are obsessed with dating to the point of unhealthy because frankly it makes them rather boring, they don't have any other diversion it seems, all they talk about is dating...yawn. So it is important to take a good breath, appreciate what you have and enjoy the things that are in reach right now.

I can feel a certain peace of mind as long as I know I have created some opportunity from time to time, with the limited energy I have, to talk to a woman I might like, sometimes it seems to come best without effort from my side, but I can also feel comfortable being not needy at all and just see other guys beg for a shred of a girl's attention, which truly sickens me.

My weird dreams are often about my desire I can't deny it's there and still have to learn to follow it more while already being almost 40 and not exactly being amongst the elite of eligible guys.

Either way there's always this duality so both the dating-obsessed people and the ones pretending they don't need anyone are full of it. I guess it keeps us moving back and forth into a dynamic somewhere between the two so that some things might change.

Do consider you might feel empty with a girlfriend too, depending on your expectations. Emptiness and loneliness are basic components of life that we must go through and learn to accept.

I have this feeling of being afraid to having a girlfriend, yet wanting to have one nonetheless.

Given that I have only one female friend in real life who I have only met once in Tokyo,
this will be a challenge for me.

I keep telling myself that it is just not the right time and that
there IS a special someone that can turn my world around,
somewhere in this world or even on this forum.

I'd post more but I get overwhelmed by my daily existence. I don't know what to do for the next chapter of my life since trying to get out of the rut never works for me. I know I can't do anything about the past but if some things went differently, maybe my life would've gone in a better direction. When I first had depressed feelings about not having a girlfriend, most of the responses I got told were "You're only 18! Stop whining!" and other demeaning things.

it's even worse if you have never had one before

I know my siblings are having trouble with their relationships but they can always find another while it feels like I can't even look unless I give up my individuality and become a macho man who is rude and anti-intellectual.

Ask more girls out if you want a girlfriend.

I see why you could feel empty without a girlfriend but it is not a healthy attitude to have (obviously you can't change your feelings but you can pretend to). Try to at least fake being happy without a girlfriend and you will be more appealing to the opposite sex.

I personally am happy with girlfriends and happy without although I do usually date even when I'm single.

ive noticed it for a few years now but it really seems that its far more important for a guy to be comfortable and content while single than the other way around, it's like this: "I want you to really think about why you're desperate for a girlfriend. If you really think about it, you are probably not. You just want one.

Another way is to really concentrate on you and your life. If you are happy with your life, a woman will just be a nice addition to your life, rather than complete your life."

it's like, it's okay for a woman to need or want a man to complete her life but not the other way around.

My new motto upon life has become "just because it's the way it is doesn't mean i have to like it or enjoy it"

My fears back when I was 18 that I would still be single in my 20's have become true.

Congrats you are not alone.

My uncle, he is 47 and never has been married.

Want to know how everyone feels with that, ugh.... No way am I going to be that MEGAN FOX WILL BE MINE!

Really now?

I am going to take Adam's advice fake being happy as much as you can.

That lie is acceptable with Christianity as well.

I think that's a fairly human experience, wanting to connect with another or needing them to feel complete. It's part of the natural order of life and although you may achieve contentment and satisfaction from other areas in life (e.g. work, family, friends) it really is not the same as having a life partner you can share experiences and growth with. However, (and I know it is annoyingly cliche) the right person will come for you at the right time, and whilst waiting can be a pain, it is far better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.