Aspie&neurotypical relationship

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Hi everyone, I'm new here, so I'm sorry if i'm posting to the wrong place.
I need a little help in my actual situation. I'm a neurotypical girl and I'm in love with a guy who has Aspergers. We're in a relationship for a year now, and I love him more than everyone else before. I respect him and I'm trying to help him to deal with the everyday situations in his life. Nowadays almost everything goes the right way between us, but sometimes he simply doesn't want to talk with me, or meet me, or he just wants to speak with me only a few words. I know that this is normal, because of the Aspergers, but somtimes, when he tells me he hates the whole world, he talks with another girl, and I don't know what does it mean. He doesn't know if he loves me or not (usually sais I'm his "favourite" but never says I love you, except when I Ask him about it, when he anwers " a little bit").
Actually my question is, how can I handle all these things? I mean, I'm trying not take these things so bad, but I'm afraid that he will leave me, even though he like me and he thinks that I might be the only one who can stand by him and deal with his little things. So please help me, if you can, because I don't want to hurt him and of course I don't want to loose him. What should I do when he has the "I don't want to speak with you" period? And how can I help him more to deal with himself (because sometimes he just simply hate himself, I really don't know why)?

Thanks for all your answers.

Don't pressure him too much about the "love" thing.

It seems like you know his quirks, and that you respect him. That's 3/4's of the solution right there.

Acceptance is 1.

Goes both ways: do you accept your own needs, wishes and desires? Are those being fulfilled?

Does you BF do the same? Are his needs being met?

Are your and his needs compatible?

Does your relationship feel balanced? Good? Are you happy? Most of the times?

Here is my personal opinion: I don't think it's your responsibility to help your BF. You are not his mother nor savior and shouldn't take that task upon yourself.

You could ask him to help you to understand him and then decide if you prefer to stay. You can ask him to share information about his world. In his own way. Sometimes it is not via words but by using other ways. Like visuals, music, other media, senses or gestures.

Of course you can do your own 'research', there is tons of various info. In the end you are the best expert of your own relationship. This board is just a way to gather some random data from random strangers. At best it can help you to sort your thoughts, find some kind of validation and maybe even become an ally of neurodiversity.

So wait if I understand right there are times he expresses hatred of the world, refuses to talk to you or see you but during these periods talks with another girl? I think that is a bit concerning especially if he's not sure if he loves you or not. I am curious what his relationship with this other girl is...I mean perhaps it's just a platonic friend he's known longer than you've been together so feels more comfortable talking to her about those feelings at this point than you but that is being optimistic.

Thanks for all your anwers.
Well, the other girl is just a random girl, I asked him about her ad he said yes, she looks great, but who cares? He wants to be with me and this other girl means nothing. Actually, I don't think that they are real friends, they only talk once a month or sometimes less. They haven't met since march or april. I know that girl too, she is immature a liitle, so I can imagine that my BF sees some kind of soulmate in her, but I believe there's nothing more between them. And I don't think the girl sees a soulmate in my BF. I know that my BF almost every time tells me the truth because he thinks that lying is a stupid useless thing (I agree with him) and he doesn't even knows how to lie. My problem is not with that girls personality or something like that. What I cannot understand if he wants to be alone why he talks about other people? (well, he has a (male) friend and sometimes he talks with him too in these periods).

The question, if I'm happy with him or not is a bit complicated. When I am with him (same place, doing things together) he is the worlds best boyfriend (for me, of course) and I'm the happiest girl in the whole world. But when we are not together (I mean 4-5 days or more ) and we are chatting on FB (for example) he hurts me with his words, like he doesn't miss me. I mean it's ok when he doesn't miss me after 4 days, but once we had to be separated for a month and didn't even miss me.

Another problem is that he doesn't know what he wants in his life or what makes him happy. Actually, he thinks that he simply cannot be happy. Of course sometimes he smiles and laughs but he was never happy more than a day. So sometimes I'm sad because I can't make him happy.

Thanks again for everything.

Oh and I forgot to tell: He never talks anyone about his feeling except me. So with this girl and any other friends he usually talks about some irrelevant things.

Imho talking will not work.

His words may have different meanings from your own.

His social contact with others may have different meanings from your own.

It's like coloring in a picture of something you have never encountered before. Some clinicians say that one likely did encounter that with a family member. Most 98% are seduced by the puzzle. It's fascinating and yummy ego food to feel special. That he connects ONLY to you...

But as he doesn't seem to be aware of his self, getting hooked to the mystery can feel awesome. It's a matter of time till you find out about the mask and the mask behind the mask and then the other mask etc etc.

It is not with ill nor deliberate malicious intent. It's a complex protective survival mechanism.

This is a good read on the subject:
http://www.aspiestrategy.com/2012/11/as ... r.html?m=1

You either engage in this relationship with both eyes open or with eyes wide shut

Follow the white rabbit...
Take the red or the blue pill...
Up to you.

I am also an NT woman in a strong friendship with an Aspie man. I agree with the idea of needing to have eyes wide open. I have read just about everything I can on understanding aspergers, and it certainly helps a lot.
Finding ways to communicate differently is sometimes the way forward. So if you tell your Aspie you find it hurtful the way he tells you he needs time away it may be possible for,him to find a gentler way. My friend and I did this for times when I ask him questions he may feel uncomfortable with. Usually around emotions or feelings. He would often answer in a way I perceived to be critical and angry, but when I pointed this out, he understood and agreed he would simply say "I would rather not answer that question and that I wouldn't persist with the question.
As for him talking to others during his "quiet times" I would imagine they don't ask anything of him that he finds difficult or wearing. As you are in a romantic relationship he wil be working really hard a lot of the time to ensure he doesn't slip up or misinterpret something. He will therefore sometimes need a break from this.
I adore my Aspie friend, and as time goes on, I do see how much he gives to me, although it may be more difficult for another NT to be aware of this. Most importantly I wouldn't change him for the world.
My advice read as much as you can. You will have many "aha!" Moments.
Take care