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Red flags in dating? Early stages

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0_equals_true
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12 Jan 2017, 6:03 pm

MsV wrote:
So disregarding multiple requests to back off after crossing various boundaries - before even really dating - by still texting... in your opinion? I'm serious, your answer seems really rational.
Atm I feel really rude not replying but don't want to make him think i want contact after he actually scared me and just seeing his name pop up makes me really stess out. He's trying to guilt me into answering and I'm worried about either course of action.


Ok here is my opinion. This is not dating. You owe him nothing.

I can't comment on who is in the right or wrong, because these thing can be a bit complex and I don't know enough about the situation. If you feel pressured then avoid there is nothing to feel guilt about.

However this is a good indication you are not compatible with him, and there is little chemistry.

There are way of blocking numbers so you don't receive the text.



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12 Jan 2017, 6:10 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
^
What's wrong with going to bars and clubs?

Being in an environment where there are many people drinking a mind altering substance that affects judgment. Willfully putting yourself in that environment and allowing yourself to get drunk around strangers. Okay if you go as a couple, not so much going alone if you're in a relationship.


What if you are out with a group of friends?

If you get drunk willingly around strangers, or friends and your partner is not around; you put yourself in a bad situation to cheat. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, I was drunk." This goes for either sex. The only exception to this, is if you drink with family over a relatives house. Party girls are not good girlfriends.


If someone cannot go out for a drink with friends without their S.O without being at risk of cheating, then I'd say there are some deeper problems in the relationship...as I think most in relationships can handle some drinks without being at risk of cheating on their partner.

It's a red flag to me and I've NEVER seen a relationship where a women likes to go bar hopping last; not once.


I also agree with this. I can't stand the atmosphere and I thought that most Aspies wouldn't either because of all the noise. Anyone going to the bar really still wants to be single and play the field, IMO.

A Hunny + the bar scene = :thumbdown:


Well I enjoy going out for drinks with my boyfriend, and checking out different bars...some certainly are sh*tty but not like we have to stay at any we don't like. There are quite a few bars that have live metal/rock music and such and a couple heavy metal themed bars. Either way its fun for us to go out and drink as a couple, but too each their own.


But the two of you go out to these bars together - we were talking about going to them by yourself or with your girlfriends.


Yes we do, however if I was invited to go to bars with friends or a family member like my sister or cousin and my boyfriend wasn't available to come I'd still go if I wanted.


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League_Girl
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12 Jan 2017, 6:24 pm

My dad goes to bars sometimes to watch a sports game. He has also gone there to hang out with friends and there would be his female friends there too and his male friends. My mom has gone to some of them too with my dad and they meet up with friends. Men and women or they have gone with my aunt and uncle too.


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ShadowProphet
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13 Jan 2017, 12:04 am

Your room and apartment is messy as sht.

Let's just say you start dating a girl, you've gone on several dates over the course of a month and have good chemistry. So you decide to invite her over. You unlock the door, talk for a bit then head straight to the bedroom. Only for her to see a bunch of dirty underwear lying on the floor, a plate full of pizza crust on the bed, tissues with wiped up jizz on the dresser, and an unmade bed with a bunch of crumbs on it. She runs into the bathroom to puke at your foul room only to find a bunch of facial hair in the sink, a wet floor, and a bunch of wadded up towels on the floor. She turns to you and says, uhm yeah I don't think this is going to work out bye. Congratulations sir, you have been cock blocked by a messy apartment! -claps-

So if you ever want a girlfriend especially if you plan on living with her, you better clean your place often and ALWAYS clean up after yourself after you eat. Plus if you ever invite friends over, they're going to be disgusted if the place looks messy. So it's good to practice and get into a habit of cleaning up yourself now if that's something you struggle with. No girl wants a slob, that's pretty much a universal deal breaker.

It's something I struggle with I will admit.



TheSpectrum
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13 Jan 2017, 1:24 am

ShadowProphet wrote:
Your room and apartment is messy as sht.

Let's just say you start dating a girl, you've gone on several dates over the course of a month and have good chemistry. So you decide to invite her over. You unlock the door, talk for a bit then head straight to the bedroom. Only for her to see a bunch of dirty underwear lying on the floor, a plate full of pizza crust on the bed, tissues with wiped up jizz on the dresser, and an unmade bed with a bunch of crumbs on it. She runs into the bathroom to puke at your foul room only to find a bunch of facial hair in the sink, a wet floor, and a bunch of wadded up towels on the floor. She turns to you and says, uhm yeah I don't think this is going to work out bye. Congratulations sir, you have been cock blocked by a messy apartment! -claps-

So if you ever want a girlfriend especially if you plan on living with her, you better clean your place often and ALWAYS clean up after yourself after you eat. Plus if you ever invite friends over, they're going to be disgusted if the place looks messy. So it's good to practice and get into a habit of cleaning up yourself now if that's something you struggle with. No girl wants a slob, that's pretty much a universal deal breaker.

It's something I struggle with I will admit.

I normally clean that all up the night before.


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League_Girl
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13 Jan 2017, 1:28 am

ShadowProphet wrote:
Your room and apartment is messy as sht.

Let's just say you start dating a girl, you've gone on several dates over the course of a month and have good chemistry. So you decide to invite her over. You unlock the door, talk for a bit then head straight to the bedroom. Only for her to see a bunch of dirty underwear lying on the floor, a plate full of pizza crust on the bed, tissues with wiped up jizz on the dresser, and an unmade bed with a bunch of crumbs on it. She runs into the bathroom to puke at your foul room only to find a bunch of facial hair in the sink, a wet floor, and a bunch of wadded up towels on the floor. She turns to you and says, uhm yeah I don't think this is going to work out bye. Congratulations sir, you have been cock blocked by a messy apartment! -claps-

So if you ever want a girlfriend especially if you plan on living with her, you better clean your place often and ALWAYS clean up after yourself after you eat. Plus if you ever invite friends over, they're going to be disgusted if the place looks messy. So it's good to practice and get into a habit of cleaning up yourself now if that's something you struggle with. No girl wants a slob, that's pretty much a universal deal breaker.

It's something I struggle with I will admit.



Yeah that will scare me away too. How hard is it to keep that place clean you know? Just pick up after yourself after you make the mess.

But I have known some people who were that dirty. My sister in law is one of them and I told my husband I am never staying the night at her house that's for sure, that place is disgusting. But yet we left our children in that dump because we already had our weekend vacation planned so it was either cancel or leave them there so we picked the second one and I told my husband I am never doing that again. My in laws clean but my mother in law hasn't been able to due to medical issues so the place was very bad when I was last there. My mom even told me to not ever let them live with us when my husband and I get the house fully because they will make messes and it will be too much for me to handle. My ex was that dirty too and his excuse was "my room is too small so I don't have room for everything" when in fact he had dirty clothes, trash, dirty dishes. Hello, it's very obvious he is just messy and he is just making excuses for his room or otherwise you wouldn't be seeing dirty plates and trash and dirty clothes. But I was stupid and lacking common sense.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jan 2017, 1:44 am

That's not a bedroom; it is something else.



League_Girl
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13 Jan 2017, 2:27 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's not a bedroom; it is something else.


What do you mean?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jan 2017, 2:34 am

League_Girl wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's not a bedroom; it is something else.


What do you mean?


It is a room for breeding blob monsters.

I am referring to ShadowProphet's post.



Raleigh
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13 Jan 2017, 2:45 am

I'm still stuck on the tissues with jizz on the dresser. 8O

Yeah, I'd be out of there too.
Messy I can sort of handle but not full on filth.


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MsV
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13 Jan 2017, 2:48 am

Raleigh wrote:
I'm still stuck on the tissues with jizz on the dresser. 8O

Yeah, I'd be out of there too.
Messy I can sort of handle but not full on filth.



I couldn't read past that sentence either :lol:



MsV
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13 Jan 2017, 2:53 am

0_equals_true wrote:
MsV wrote:
So disregarding multiple requests to back off after crossing various boundaries - before even really dating - by still texting... in your opinion? I'm serious, your answer seems really rational.
Atm I feel really rude not replying but don't want to make him think i want contact after he actually scared me and just seeing his name pop up makes me really stess out. He's trying to guilt me into answering and I'm worried about either course of action.


Ok here is my opinion. This is not dating. You owe him nothing.

I can't comment on who is in the right or wrong, because these thing can be a bit complex and I don't know enough about the situation. If you feel pressured then avoid there is nothing to feel guilt about.

However this is a good indication you are not compatible with him, and there is little chemistry.

There are way of blocking numbers so you don't receive the text.


Thanks! I compromised and wished him all the best in life (polite) but reiterated that because he didn't keep his word (he promised to let me be the first to initiate contact) and kept bombarding me, I would like to discontinue communication. I got a final message trying to guilt me for not appreciating the attention and he told me he'd delete my nr. Here's hoping!! !



0_equals_true
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13 Jan 2017, 3:32 pm

That's cool. I can relate to the unwanted pressure.

When there is chemistry thought, then you do wish to talk to the person and them you, however you/they will be extremely mindful of making them/you feel comfortable and not pressured.



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13 Jan 2017, 3:43 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Red flags:

Calls you weak because you asked for advice

Accuses you of being passive and unmotivated because you decided to wait and see what her short terms plans before you decided your next course of action

Accuses people of being manipulators if they question her views on relationships, despite the views being completely detached from reality.

Says they will never disappear without a reason, but does exactly that.

Abruptly goes from being very open to being very secretive.

Can't guarantee they won't cheat if things are not 100% their way all the time in a relationship, yet expects you to be completely unaffected if they actually do cheat.

Doesn't allow you opportunity to improve yourself, and if you do improve yourself, accuses you of trying to intentionally deceive them.


This is a good list.



MsV
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14 Jan 2017, 2:18 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
That's cool. I can relate to the unwanted pressure.

When there is chemistry thought, then you do wish to talk to the person and them you, however you/they will be extremely mindful of making them/you feel comfortable and not pressured.


That's what I figured. Plus I wouldn't have wanted space, had my boundaries not been crossed in the first place...

I guess a good rule is: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is :D



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14 Jan 2017, 5:52 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Red flags:

Calls you weak because you asked for advice

Accuses you of being passive and unmotivated because you decided to wait and see what her short terms plans before you decided your next course of action

Accuses people of being manipulators if they question her views on relationships, despite the views being completely detached from reality.

Says they will never disappear without a reason, but does exactly that.

Abruptly goes from being very open to being very secretive.

Can't guarantee they won't cheat if things are not 100% their way all the time in a relationship, yet expects you to be completely unaffected if they actually do cheat.

Doesn't allow you opportunity to improve yourself, and if you do improve yourself, accuses you of trying to intentionally deceive them.


This is a good list.


I concur.


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