Red flags in dating? Early stages

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nurseangela
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11 Jan 2017, 3:02 pm

Hexen wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
^
What's wrong with going to bars and clubs?

Being in an environment where there are many people drinking a mind altering substance that affects judgment. Willfully putting yourself in that environment and allowing yourself to get drunk around strangers. Okay if you go as a couple, not so much going alone if you're in a relationship.


What if you are out with a group of friends?

If you get drunk willingly around strangers, or friends and your partner is not around; you put yourself in a bad situation to cheat. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, I was drunk." This goes for either sex. The only exception to this, is if you drink with family over a relatives house. Party girls are not good girlfriends.


If someone cannot go out for a drink with friends without their S.O without being at risk of cheating, then I'd say there are some deeper problems in the relationship...as I think most in relationships can handle some drinks without being at risk of cheating on their partner.

It's a red flag to me and I've NEVER seen a relationship where a women likes to go bar hopping last; not once.


I also agree with this. I can't stand the atmosphere and I thought that most Aspies wouldn't either because of all the noise. Anyone going to the bar really still wants to be single and play the field, IMO.

A Hunny + the bar scene = :thumbdown:


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Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:03 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
^
What's wrong with going to bars and clubs?

Being in an environment where there are many people drinking a mind altering substance that affects judgment. Willfully putting yourself in that environment and allowing yourself to get drunk around strangers. Okay if you go as a couple, not so much going alone if you're in a relationship.


What if you are out with a group of friends?

If you get drunk willingly around strangers, or friends and your partner is not around; you put yourself in a bad situation to cheat. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, I was drunk." This goes for either sex. The only exception to this, is if you drink with family over a relatives house. Party girls are not good girlfriends.


If someone cannot go out for a drink with friends without their S.O without being at risk of cheating, then I'd say there are some deeper problems in the relationship...as I think most in relationships can handle some drinks without being at risk of cheating on their partner.

It's a red flag to me and I've NEVER seen a relationship where a women likes to go bar hopping last; not once.


I also agree with this. I can't stand the atmosphere and I thought that most Aspies wouldn't either because of all the noise. Anyone going to the bar really still wants to be single and play the field, IMO.

A Hunny + the bar scene = :thumbdown:

Thank you! See, I told you there are women who ACTUALLY agree with me. I guess you don't speak for all women after all, Luhluhluh.



TheSpectrum
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11 Jan 2017, 3:05 pm

Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
White knighting is a red flag :lol:


I will happily accept that designation. I have always spoken my mind and helped those who are bullied or look like they need help.

So these women are weak and thus need your help, because they cannot defend themselves?

Yeah. I think men and women should be able to debate on a forum without any sort of intervention or nannying.


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blackicmenace
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11 Jan 2017, 3:05 pm

Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He has his red flags; you have your red flags - why are you all attacking him?

He's not your boyfriend.


Here I am adding one:

Implying what others' red flags should be and shouldn't be is a red flag for me :p.


She didn't attack him, she said he has trust issues which is true.

It's funny how you chime in on every thread.


If you are not willing to accept constructive criticism maybe you shouldn't post on a public forum. As they say, the truth hurts sometimes.

It's obvious that you are white knighting, which is again common in this forum. As for constructive criticism, you haven't been constructive at all. All you are doing is attacking me when I have an argument with a female member.


You don't have to believe you have trust issues. I simply agree with her assessment. To us, it sounds like you do. It's not an attack. I am not looking for an argument, I won't reply.


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Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:10 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He has his red flags; you have your red flags - why are you all attacking him?

He's not your boyfriend.


Here I am adding one:

Implying what others' red flags should be and shouldn't be is a red flag for me :p.


She didn't attack him, she said he has trust issues which is true.

It's funny how you chime in on every thread.


If you are not willing to accept constructive criticism maybe you shouldn't post on a public forum. As they say, the truth hurts sometimes.

It's obvious that you are white knighting, which is again common in this forum. As for constructive criticism, you haven't been constructive at all. All you are doing is attacking me when I have an argument with a female member.


You don't have to believe you have trust issues. I simply agree with her assessment. To us, it sounds like you do. It's not an attack. I am not looking for an argument, I won't reply.

Yet, you have constantly started arguments with me in multiple threads. Call me crazy, but just because a few people whom I've never met on an aspergers forum tell me I have trust issues and I should date women who bar hop; doesn't make it a good idea. Even a woman on the forum agreed with me, but I guess she doesn't receieve "constructive criticism". It's funny how that works.



blackicmenace
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11 Jan 2017, 3:11 pm

Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
White knighting is a red flag :lol:


I will happily accept that designation. I have always spoken my mind and helped those who are bullied or look like they need help.

So these women are weak and thus need your help, because they cannot defend themselves?


I have always been this way from a young age, it's not forum behavior. It's my nature to speak my mind and help people. In this particular case, I speak my mind, agreeing with her assessment. Like I said, I am not looking for an argument, good day.


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Last edited by blackicmenace on 11 Jan 2017, 5:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:13 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
White knighting is a red flag :lol:


I will happily accept that designation. I have always spoken my mind and helped those who are bullied or look like they need help.

So these women are weak and thus need your help, because they cannot defend themselves?


I have allows been this way from a young age, it's not forum behavior. It's my nature to speak my mind and help people. In this particular case, I speak my mind, agreeing with her assessment. Like I said, I am not looking for an argument, good day.

Copping out, like in the other thread and also no mention of nurseangela agreeing with me; how interesting.



Last edited by Hexen on 11 Jan 2017, 3:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

feral botanist
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11 Jan 2017, 3:15 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
White knighting is a red flag :lol:


I will happily accept that designation. I have always spoken my mind and helped those who are bullied or look like they need help.

So these women are weak and thus need your help, because they cannot defend themselves?

Yeah. I think men and women should be able to debate on a forum without any sort of intervention or nannying.



The philosophy forum is a little less strict on the rules, but in the other forums, let make sure we are being supportive of everyone.



TheSpectrum
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11 Jan 2017, 3:15 pm

I wouldn't date a lady who bar hops, either, and I work in one.
I don't feel the need to do it - it seems to be the kind of thing someone single does.
Perhaps it's a generational thing, or a need to keep up with friends in the sense of not looking like a wet blanket. But all my friends are older and settled down so that sort of behaviour with them is associated with sad lonely people wanting to hook up.


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Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:16 pm

feral botanist wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
White knighting is a red flag :lol:


I will happily accept that designation. I have always spoken my mind and helped those who are bullied or look like they need help.

So these women are weak and thus need your help, because they cannot defend themselves?

Yeah. I think men and women should be able to debate on a forum without any sort of intervention or nannying.



The philosophy forum is a little less strict on the rules, but in the other forums, let make sure we are being supportive of everyone.

That doesn't happen here, at least if you're not a female member.



Luhluhluh
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11 Jan 2017, 3:16 pm

Hexen wrote:
Thank you! See, I told you there are women who ACTUALLY agree with me. I guess you don't speak for all women after all, Luhluhluh.


I didn't say "all women" I said "women everywhere."

No one is stopping you from preferring and finding a conservative-minded woman who wants to stay home and not go out to happy hour. I'm not understanding the attitude?


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TheSpectrum
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11 Jan 2017, 3:17 pm

feral botanist wrote:
The philosophy forum is a little less strict on the rules, but in the other forums, let make sure we are being supportive of everyone.
You'd be amazed how difficult that is. Everything triggers here.


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nurseangela
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11 Jan 2017, 3:18 pm

Hexen wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
So, let me get this straight. It is illegal to drive drunk, if you go into work drunk you get fired, alcohol affects judgment so you don't think rationally on it; yet it isn't a red flag to get drunk in public without your partner?

So, if I wanted to go get drunk with my buddies and goto a club where there are drunk girls, that's not an issue?


Not really, no.

Because you're equating drinking ANY amount of alcohol to getting impaired drunk.

You're comparing getting slightly buzzed and relaxed after one beer to knocking back shots. Yes, there is a difference.

But I seem to remember seeing another one of your posts where you equate women working and having a career to evil feminism, so I'm considering the source.

You should find a woman who thinks like you do; who wants to stay home and have babies. And that's okay. We all have our preferences.

Snarky, snarky. Are you expecting me to cry? I never stated it was evil for women to have a career. Go and re-read my post. Furthermore, again they are putting themselves in a bad situation and gee I wonder why ever woman I talk to over the age of 35 agrees with me. I will go look for a woman that is happy being a housewife and treating their husband wonderfully. It would certainly be better than being with a woman such as yourself, that makes excuses for women who have as you would say "loose" lifestyles.


Actually , you are a traditionalist. I find this quite refreshing. We have a lot of feminists here. I for one, wouldn't have minded being a housewife in my 30's if I was planning a family. I ended up not finding the right Hunny and had to find a way to provide for myself - hence the nursing career. Now I don't want kids and am pretty involved with my career and education so I know I will be having a job for the rest of my life and want a Hunny who also has a decent career (or a job that is more than just a 9-5). The younger generation of women have been conditioned that they can be both a mother and a career woman and being a realist, I know that isn't possible. That is why there are so many divorces these days. My Ma was a stay-at-home Ma and I loved it. Families just aren't like that anymore. It's hard to find a guy these days that even has a decent job to support a family of four - most of the time you need two incomes to have the same lifestyle that our parents had. People also expect to have more luxuries so two incomes are needed. IMO, I think the feminist movement ruined marriages and families. I also think that both men and women in the younger generations have been conditioned to want a wife that works and that sets up women for a disaster because most are not able to perform both jobs of a career woman and mother 100% making most women unhappy in their marriages and leading to more divorces.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:19 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Thank you! See, I told you there are women who ACTUALLY agree with me. I guess you don't speak for all women after all, Luhluhluh.


I didn't say "all women" I said "women everywhere."

No one is stopping you from preferring and finding a conservative-minded woman who wants to stay home and not go out to happy hour. I'm not understanding the attitude?

Women everywhere, or all women could be viewed as the same thing; at the very least you are implying women other than yourself. Also, when you added the :D that implied sarcasm; hence the attitude.



Luhluhluh
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11 Jan 2017, 3:19 pm

Hexen wrote:
Call me crazy, but just because a few people whom I've never met on an aspergers forum tell me I have trust issues and I should date women who bar hop; doesn't make it a good idea. Even a woman on the forum agreed with me, but I guess she doesn't receieve "constructive criticism". It's funny how that works.


Citation please. Specifically, where was this bolded statement said.


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11 Jan 2017, 3:21 pm

selflessness wrote:
Why can't we all just be nice to one another and not assume the worst??


Because where's the fun in that?