Red flags in dating? Early stages

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What any bar? Do you really think that people can't go out and have a drink with friends at a bar without playing the field?

I need someone who can live with out any alcohol.

Actually, in this stage in my life since I stopped drinking any alcohol, I want a Hunny that doesn't drink at all. If I'm at home doing homework or working, I expect to not come home to a Hunny who is imbibing or drunk or tipsy for that matter. I don't have time for that kind of stuff anymore. I need someone who can live with out any alcohol.

In response to someone's post who wrote about someone could have an ASD or a personality disorder, I don't care what disorder anyone has, if any of your behavior is toxic and overwhelming for me and it's going cause you to do abuse and control me and bring down my low self esteem and give me anxiety and be so cold towards me and non empathetic and non understanding, and bring me into depression, you're out of here. A label doesn't matter, only the behavior does and how you make me feel and how well you treat me. Being a martyr isn't good for you and either is white knighting.


Now more red flags: Trying to get me to cut off friends just because they are not the right gender and getting mad at me for who I talk to. I bet my ex would have also gotten mad at me if I wanted to go out with friends or go to groups and he tried to get me to cut off my online friends who weren't female and telling me I can only talk to aspie ones. Really I shouldn't have to go online and then ignore anyone who isn't a woman and imagine if someone sent me a PM and I ignore it because they were a guy? What kind of life would that be not being able to interact with anyone online unless they were a woman?


Trust issues is also another red flag.

That's because we feel like you guys don't understand the female perspective. It seems like you guys don't really know any women your own age and have no concept of how women really are with some of the things you come put with. Your references are older relatives and clichés from TV and movies and the clichés perpetuated in forums like this.

We're not specially aiming to attack, mire to defend ourselves because we feel like you guys would rather believe stereotypes that actually get to know real women.

I'm not a party animal, but I do enjoy meeting my female friends in public places where alcohol is served and none of us have turned to the dark side (whatever that may be).

I too would view it as a red flag if a man wouldn't let me go and meet up at a bar with my girlfriends. It seems excessively controlling.

Would you at least meet half way and see that going out once in a while with a girls group would be fun for her? Can you see that she's not going to hook up with guys, she's just spending time bonding with her mates?

I think we need to define "bar hopping". Is it just meeting mates once a week or every other week or more frequently?

I wouldn't want a girlfriend going out to bars. Surely people could find nicer places to go out with friends?

That's because we feel like you guys don't understand the female perspective. It seems like you guys don't really know any women your own age and have no concept of how women really are with some of the things you come put with. Your references are older relatives and clichés from TV and movies and the clichés perpetuated in forums like this.

We're not specially aiming to attack, mire to defend ourselves because we feel like you guys would rather believe stereotypes that actually get to know real women.

I'm not a party animal, but I do enjoy meeting my female friends in public places where alcohol is served and none of us have turned to the dark side (whatever that may be).

I too would view it as a red flag if a man wouldn't let me go and meet up at a bar with my girlfriends. It seems excessively controlling.

Would you at least meet half way and see that going out once in a while with a girls group would be fun for her? Can you see that she's not going to hook up with guys, she's just spending time bonding with her mates?

I think we need to define "bar hopping". Is it just meeting mates once a week or every other week or more frequently?

There are some really nice bars. They are handy places to meet up with in a town. Usually in a nice central location that everyone can get to easily.

I was going to google some examples, but my internet is running slow today, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm not talking bars with bikers and pool or low lit nightclubs where you can't talk because the music is so loud btw.

"Now more red flags: Trying to get me to cut off friends just because they are not the right gender and getting mad at me for who I talk to. I bet my ex would have also gotten mad at me if I wanted to go out with friends or go to groups and he tried to get me to cut off my online friends who weren't female and telling me I can only talk to aspie ones. Really I shouldn't have to go online and then ignore anyone who isn't a woman and imagine if someone sent me a PM and I ignore it because they were a guy? What kind of life would that be not being able to interact with anyone online unless they were a woman?"

I see this as a big red flag. I had set up a thread just on this topic about how men and women can't just be friends. If I had a Hunny with several "girl" friends - not going to work out. It's a recipe for disaster. I see this setup being ok for a lot of Aspies, but IMO, NT women do not go for it.

Annnd what makes you guys experts on the male perspective?

Why are you not addressing the woman on this forum that agrees with me? Is she right, while I'm wrong even though we agree?

We are experts in knowing when a man is telling us how we feel isn't how we feel. We should be allowed to point out that you are wrong.

I know plenty of non wild young women, though you'd probably overlook us in a bar. We'd be the ones minding our own business and having a good laugh in the corner. We're not to flush with money, so we'll maybe only have one or 2 cocktails and no one will notice us because we don't get rowdy.



I have, further up ^^
Everyone is typing so fast it's hard to get a post in!

Oh man, you should be ashamed!

There are some really nice bars. They are handy places to meet up with in a town. Usually in a nice central location that everyone can get to easily.

I was going to google some examples, but my internet is running slow today, so you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm not talking bars with bikers and pool or low lit nightclubs where you can't talk because the music is so loud btw.

If it was happening all too frequently I'd begin to wonder. A need to keep drinking away from a partner is a red flag to me. I'd never stop anyone going to see their friends. I do think however after a certain point the behaviour can become questionable. I know a girl wouldn't want me hanging out with my friends all the time or constantly coming home drunk having been to bars without her. In fact, I know that from experience.

We are experts in knowing when a man is telling us how we feel isn't how we feel. We should be allowed to point out that you are wrong.

I know plenty of non wild young women, though you'd probably overlook us in a bar. We'd be the ones minding our own business and having a good laugh in the corner. We're not to flush with money, so we'll maybe only have one or 2 cocktails and no one will notice us because we don't get rowdy.



I have, further up ^^
Everyone is typing so fast it's hard to get a post in!