Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

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sly279
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12 Aug 2017, 8:15 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ah see now you've been with the wrong kind of women then. My friend that relates to these comics isn't at all materialistic. I've known her most of my life. She's more the outdoors type and she and her husband enjoy talking about interesting things and visiting interesting places.

There's the mundane everydayness to relationships too. I know it's not all like this every day, but I'm not ever going to be the pressuring someone to be a person they are not type of girlfriend, so won't have the same problems you did.

My cousin did a sweet thing for his girlfriend the other day and she posted it on facebook. My friend that I actually fancied a few years back, but who married someone else does post cute things on Instagram about their little outings too. I've got another couple of friends who post their outings as well. He does a menial job and she does odd jobs here and there and they are very happy. Some men are romantic and some women like that. Some women are not materialistic and as a couple she and her husband achieve a comfortable level of togetherness.

Relationships aren't all fighting and people telling each other they're not good enough.


I am willing to bet my custom built acoustic, that in all of these relationships you described, the men earn more than their partner, and of course they get no complaints then..

The common theme in all of what is deemed romantic in our society, is male sacrifice. The man has to sacrifice his possesions, time, money and sometimes his life, and it's simply what us men are supposed to do, without being allowed to ask any questions.

The sad thing is when it doesn't even work. I have had friends who sacrificed far more than I ever did, and their girls ended up cheating on the anyways... So much for romance.


That's a real shame. People can suck sometimes. I'm not going to deny that there are selfish women out there, that would be silly, but I do know some happy people, I also know some unhappy relationship people. I can understand why it is hard to trust. It's not like I'm so obsessed with a relationship that I haven't been discerning. I really really like that guy I met this year, but I was careful, I learned about him and realised that we are not compatible. I'm not bitter about it, we just move on and keep going.

The friend that loves the instagram account is earning more than her husband. He's trying to start his own business and it's a bit slow at the moment. She's the main breadwinner. It wprks for them. I spent some time with them last week and they were quite chipper.


Wait, back it up. You custom built and acoustic guitar?? From scratch or customised an existing guitar?


If he's starting his own business that means he has money and skill. Means potential future income. Also means his ambitious. The men who women reject or cheat on are the poor non ambitious men. Do you know any women who are in a relationship with men who work min wage, plan to always work min wage and have no career goals?
I don't. Everyone I've met has potential future income. They either in college or working a good job. I probably should tried harder to get a gf in college when they would dated me at least until I graduated and they found out I'm not able to work in automotive.

In fact usually women list that on their ad. Must have a good job or be in college. Idea being college leads to a good job. They invest in a poor guy today with hopes of getting a well off guy in few years I guess. Though with most degree leading to no job it's a tough gambl. Would been nice to have fake love for few years though.



sly279
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12 Aug 2017, 8:28 pm

Outrider.
I can handle around 20 hours it seems. But I don't like it, I'm exhausted and don't have time for much.
Come to think of it since I started working I've had to take 2-6 pain pills a day on work days. I've gained 20 pounds since starting. I lost more weight when not working.
Better able to control my food intake on days off. I get less sleep, I'm stressed a lot especially last 4 months. My pimple problem has increased while before starting g work it was almost gone completely.
Work hasn't helped me with women at all either, which was the whole point.
So really it gives me $40 a month xtra income for shampoo and such, and what's left I can spend.

Does get me out of the house I guess, but I feel like no one there really likes me. I try my best but it seems it's not enough. I put up with a lot, no one else in the store will work up there they hate just coving the breaks(which makes getting breaks hard) you'd think they'd take that into account. They can't get new people to work there either. If they do they quite or transfer out within month or so. I've been there almost 2 years. Taking it a day at a time. It's pretty horrible honestly. I have no where else to go though.

Women don't want a min wage guy on ssi who has no ambitions. I don't want to travel either. I like my city. I guess I'm just a super homebody. People change when they climbe the corp ladder. People who use to be friendly aren't anymore,. I don't have any interest in that stuff.



SilverBoltsisWmax
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12 Aug 2017, 11:38 pm

I think the best part about dating is the idea of someone who want's a woman being weak. If you are desperate in a sense and want a girlfriend it's unattractive to most girls causing you to basically instantly get rejected. That itself is the greatest self fulfilling prophecy I've ever met.



hurtloam
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13 Aug 2017, 2:07 am

SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
I think the best part about dating is the idea of someone who want's a woman being weak. If you are desperate in a sense and want a girlfriend it's unattractive to most girls causing you to basically instantly get rejected. That itself is the greatest self fulfilling prophecy I've ever met.


It seems to be the same for women. I know women who have been made fun of for it. Especially the not so attractive ones.

It's really tricky getting that balance. Interested in dating, but not too interested, but not so uninterested that no-one knows you are open to dating.



RetroGamer87
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13 Aug 2017, 2:35 am

hurtloam wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
I think the best part about dating is the idea of someone who want's a woman being weak. If you are desperate in a sense and want a girlfriend it's unattractive to most girls causing you to basically instantly get rejected. That itself is the greatest self fulfilling prophecy I've ever met.


It seems to be the same for women. I know women who have been made fun of for it. Especially the not so attractive ones.

It's really tricky getting that balance. Interested in dating, but not too interested, but not so uninterested that no-one knows you are open to dating.


In either case it's terrible, making it so the only way to get a partner is to not want one.

People also get teased about being single, yet if they try to get unsingle, they're teased for that to.

If you get teased for being single and teased for trying to get a partner, then the only way to not get teased is to already be in a relationship.

That's what society expects, it expects us to already be in a relationship.

But we shouldn't waste time worrying about society's more unreasonable expectations. All that matters is what you and your future partner think, not what other people think of you two or how you met.


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SilverBoltsisWmax
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13 Aug 2017, 3:27 am

hurtloam wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
I think the best part about dating is the idea of someone who want's a woman being weak. If you are desperate in a sense and want a girlfriend it's unattractive to most girls causing you to basically instantly get rejected. That itself is the greatest self fulfilling prophecy I've ever met.


It seems to be the same for women. I know women who have been made fun of for it. Especially the not so attractive ones.

It's really tricky getting that balance. Interested in dating, but not too interested, but not so uninterested that no-one knows you are open to dating.


It's that reason alone I'm sure I'll be single till I die or I'll get lucky and meet a girl with the same mindset as me. That would be nice tell you the truth. Cause I really don't feel like acting the part to get a girl the way society deems it so.



RetroGamer87
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13 Aug 2017, 4:10 am

SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
I think the best part about dating is the idea of someone who want's a woman being weak. If you are desperate in a sense and want a girlfriend it's unattractive to most girls causing you to basically instantly get rejected. That itself is the greatest self fulfilling prophecy I've ever met.


It seems to be the same for women. I know women who have been made fun of for it. Especially the not so attractive ones.

It's really tricky getting that balance. Interested in dating, but not too interested, but not so uninterested that no-one knows you are open to dating.


It's that reason alone I'm sure I'll be single till I die or I'll get lucky and meet a girl with the same mindset as me. That would be nice tell you the truth. Cause I really don't feel like acting the part to get a girl the way society deems it so.


Ahh but you see, you won't be seen as weak by a single girl who is also looking for a partner. You might be just who she was looking for.


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hurtloam
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15 Aug 2017, 3:14 pm

A married male friend posted a link to this and I thought it was cute. More cute cartoons.

https://www.instagram.com/jude_devir/?hl=en

Messy slobbery relationship realities
Image



AngelRho
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15 Aug 2017, 4:03 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
I think the best part about dating is the idea of someone who want's a woman being weak. If you are desperate in a sense and want a girlfriend it's unattractive to most girls causing you to basically instantly get rejected. That itself is the greatest self fulfilling prophecy I've ever met.


It seems to be the same for women. I know women who have been made fun of for it. Especially the not so attractive ones.

It's really tricky getting that balance. Interested in dating, but not too interested, but not so uninterested that no-one knows you are open to dating.


It's that reason alone I'm sure I'll be single till I die or I'll get lucky and meet a girl with the same mindset as me. That would be nice tell you the truth. Cause I really don't feel like acting the part to get a girl the way society deems it so.


Ahh but you see, you won't be seen as weak by a single girl who is also looking for a partner. You might be just who she was looking for.

Excellent point.

I was just responding to another thread, and this really made me think.

Is it important to be with someone? And if you do something out of character to make her feel special, even if it happens to be exactlywhat "society" supposedly wants/expects from you--and you do actually get the girl--can it really be all that bad? Look, "society" doesn't determine my decisions for me. INFORMS them, perhaps, but my attitude is "what did society ever do for me?" I'm the first in line to give society the finger. My question is am I bucking conformity for the sake of non-conformity, or are there real actual reasons to non-conform? And if I dislike "society," is it also necessarily true that society can not possibly have anything at all possible to offer? I mean, nothing at all? Am I wholly rejecting society, or just some of it? And how much? 85%? 98%?

So, no, society has done me next to no favors. But that doesn't mean I reject the whole as eeeeeeeevuhl. If bending just a little doesn't harm me, then perhaps it's ok if I just go with the flow to see a girl I'm interested in. I'm willing to do that.

I'm NOT willing to undergo a complete transformation into someone I'll hate every time I look in the mirror. But I don't get the feeling anyone is demanding me to.



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16 Sep 2017, 9:07 am

To be in a relationship is to be sitting under the sword of damocles. If you do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing, how quickly she can go from loving you to hating you.

I just got dumped again. The same as before. The same as my last girlfriend and the one before that. A word said in haste leads to a downward spiral.

Yes it made me happy. A month of happiness with a years of loneliness stretching out before and after. Most of all it made me feel lovable. It made me feel like somebody. For just a month.

You might be at rock bottom. You might be single, undatable, unemployable and without a home of your own but when you're at rock bottom you can't possibly fall. You can get a job and a wife and a house and you can lose them all. To fall from such a height would shatter you.


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RetroGamer87
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16 Sep 2017, 9:17 am

AngelRho wrote:
I'm NOT willing to undergo a complete transformation into someone I'll hate every time I look in the mirror. But I don't get the feeling anyone is demanding me to.
Several girlfriends have expected me to chang. It means either girls who expect their boyfriend to change are commonplace or it means I'm deeply flawed and I actually do need to change. Trouble is each of them tried to change me in a different way.

I thought I could get experience with girls yet girls are different and with each new girl my past experience becomes irrelevant. It's like learning to ride a bicycle, forgetting and starting over and and over again.


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Sabreclaw
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16 Sep 2017, 9:41 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I thought I could get experience with girls yet girls are different and with each new girl my past experience becomes irrelevant. It's like learning to ride a bicycle, forgetting and starting over and and over again.


You're definitely helping AngelRho's viewpoint that a lack of relationship experience is ultimately meaningless.



AngelRho
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16 Sep 2017, 12:36 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I thought I could get experience with girls yet girls are different and with each new girl my past experience becomes irrelevant. It's like learning to ride a bicycle, forgetting and starting over and and over again.


You're definitely helping AngelRho's viewpoint that a lack of relationship experience is ultimately meaningless.

Oh, cool! My viewpoints need all the help they can get. :-p

I agree with the bicycle analogy. Good stuff.

Maybe it's kinda like riding diff bikes. Like, maybe your street bike is in the shop, so you try the spinning bike at the gym. Except nobody explains about the flywheel and you end up tearing up your knees trying to stop. So you take it easy and just get a casual 3-speed just for rolling around the neighborhood. You eventually go back to your street bike when you realize you're bored. So you get a mountain bike and hit the trails every weekend. You get used to that and figure, hey, I'm kinda good at this. So you sell the trail bike for a competition triathlon bike complete with aerobars, and that's what you end up finishing your first half-Ironman on.

Different bikes, different purposes, different riding techniques, different challenges. Going from one to the next really does require relearning how to ride.

The only things they have in common are wheels and chains.

Women are human beings. Sure, there are issues specific to women. But they all have the human element in common. What do they all want? Think about what YOU want and you've got the answer. Start there. Then you'll start to pick apart the individual woman and her uniqueness. That's when it gets fun.



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22 Sep 2017, 4:55 pm

I can only assume that knowing a woman is attracted to me, will end up making a huge difference to my non-existent self-esteem. Maybe I'll wake up felling better about myself. Maybe I'll end up having a spring in my step, and I'll be less fearful approaching people because I have some form of validation about my worth. I don't know. Maybe it's not someone elses job to make me feel good about myself but knowing that someone cared enough to be in a relationship would certainly help.



RetroGamer87
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23 Sep 2017, 3:37 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:
I can only assume that knowing a woman is attracted to me, will end up making a huge difference to my non-existent self-esteem. Maybe I'll wake up felling better about myself. Maybe I'll end up having a spring in my step, and I'll be less fearful approaching people because I have some form of validation abworth.

I can say from experience that this is true. Knowing that someone wants to be with you gives you a massive self-esteem boost. When the relationship ends your self-esteem comes crashing down.


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hurtloam
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23 Sep 2017, 10:45 am

I actually don't think a relationship will make me happy anymore. I'm just getting along with my life. I don't see things changing. I can kind of cope on my own.

It seems that even just getting to know someone I'm interested in is really, really difficult. I'm done with that pain. Its not worth it.

I say this now, just wait until I fall for someone again. Then I'll be all head over heels, then it won't work, then I'll get upset, then I'll get depressed. Then I'll go back to accepting I'm the kind of person that can only be on their own.

And the cycle will repeat a few times till I die.

That's how it goes for me. And guess that's just how it is.