Why do you think a relationship will make you happy?

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I've seen close people TRANSFORMED from depressed mode when they were single to a totally very happy mode when they found the right person and got married - I've noticed that in a lot of people, and most of them are women btw! (contrary the popular belief that women become less happy after marriage), and their happiness seems to be lasting.

So yes, there are people who were sad because they were single and became very happy after getting into a relationship. These people exist and they're many.

As long as people realize that what really matters is finding the right person. Just remember, there are relationships where people become more depressed than if they were single. Using the terms 'single' and 'relationship' have a way of desensitizing the situation, as neither one indicates loneliness or any form of happiness. That's why I get bothered by or misinterpret a lot of posts, because people throw those terms around like they actually mean something. To me, those are very relative terms that take on vastly different meanings depending on who they refer to.

Honestly, I feel like for me to advance in life, I absolutely NEED the experience of physical and emotional intimacy. Because being deprived of intimacy is messing with my emotional health and no matter what I do to fight the urges, my desire for something that's real is never going to go away.

My greatest pleasure is also my greatest pain. The pain of being lonely, the pain of being deprived of love and sex, the pain of rejection is taking an emotional toll on my health. There are several nights I lay in bed wishing to escape reality because here I am a 22 year old kissless virgin in a sex inflated culture. From the songs on the radio, to the tv shows, to the porn you watch and the couples you see walking down the street, you can't escape love and sex. And this puts so much pain and pressure on me, it makes me feel left out.

I get so angry and so jealous sometimes when I read stories about people having sex, having friends with benefits, having casual relationships. I had a huge meltdown today when I read about a girl on a forum site having multiple casual sex partners, and I don't know why I care so much but it just makes me super upset to read this stuff. That's why I try to stay off sites where people talk about their sex lives because I can't emotionally handle it.

I cry a lot at night with tears down my face literally begging the walls for someone to come into my life, anybody to come save me from my loneliness. Iv'e been doing it for two years, and every single day my hope gets thinner and thinner. At first I was able to convince myself not to worry because I would find someone when I went away to college. Now i'm 22 and out, and now I only believe that love is just a fairytale.

ShadowProphet, if you don't realize what's wrong with your situation, and it's extremely obvious, then you will be alone forever. Perhaps if you change your reasons for being with someone, you may experience better results. You clearly only have one thing on your mind, and honestly that's just disappointing. Maybe speaking to a counselor about those issues will be better than trying to find answers here.

That's a very patronizing answer.

Saying to someone suffering that their reason for suffering is "extremely obvious" is frankly just kicking someone when they are down and very arrogant and self congratulatory.

"I'm very clever and I see what's wrong with you" is what you're saying.

Visiting a counsellor may be a good idea though. A neutral outside voice can help add perspective and help you build self esteem in other areas and help improve your life.

I've honestly unfollowed couples I know on instagram because I've had melt downs after seeing their photos. I don't understand why they get to be happy and I can't be. Why does some one love them and no one loves me? Why am I so undesirable?

I'm away to cry now

When I said it was obvious, I meant that anyone here should be able to understand what's wrong. Normally it's obvious to see what someone is doing right, and it's more difficult to find out what they're doing wrong, if they even are doing something wrong that is. It's clear from what he wrote that he has a one track mind, and it can only be assumed that he sees women as nothing more than objects to fulfill his own ends.



Hopefully you understand what's wrong with that statement. Dwelling on that thought too much can lead you to think: "They don't deserve to be happy if I'm not."

What I don't get is why people only listen to the advice and answers they want to hear, no matter how untrue they are, rather than the answers they should hear. It's difficult to help people if they are unwilling to accept the full range of answers. I've noticed that people tend to miss the advice I give because they are too focused on my harsh tone.

People don't want a know-it-all kicking them while they're down at looking down their morally superior nose at the. Why can't you see the problem with that...its obvious

I really couldn't care less about what happens to people who lack proper moral values. If someone wants to ignore my suggestions, then that's their choice. Just don't expect me to care when they come back here with the exact same problems and no signs of changing their approach. If people aren't willing to live by moral standards, then the situation they are in is a very fitting one.

And what would you rather have me do? Lie and say that there's nothing wrong with what he's doing? The only thing that would help him now is to see a counselor, and I'm sure he'll get the same answer I've given, just in a less harsh way.

i'd have to agree with the above. human nature, i guess. maybe this thread would have been better in the Haven if OP was looking for comforting words only?

personally, i saw nothing wrong with your advice? *shrug*

Hey kiddo, I have what you may regard as high morals, some would call me old fashioned, and guess what. I'm alone too. Morals have now't to do with it. I'll never understand why some people get off on a "holier than thou" attitude.

We don't expect you to lie. There is such a thing as tact. Truth can be presented with tact. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Back to the original question. Why do people think a relationship will make them happy. Because love feelings make happy endorphins swim around the blood stream and it's a good feeling. They see other people find someone who wants the happy endorphin time with them and they want that too. And that's really rather normal. Most people want that.

You catch even more with a super-charged electric bug zapper. That's why I always carry a taser with me, just to make sure they FEEL the truth!

I wonder how many taserings' worth of actual zaps I've received.

Thankfully those random zaps didn't depress me.

Like I said in my above post, love and sex is everywhere in our culture. You can't escape it. You try to run away from the things that triggers your loneliness, you won't be able to get very far. The songs you listen to on the radio, the couples you see walking down the street, the tv shows you watch where every main character has had 3-4 partners, it's impossible to escape it.

So what am I supposed to do? Ignore my desires? Ignore my need for love and sex? I won't be able to get very far with that approach because at the end of the day, the heart wants what it wants and I want this more than anything!

So I have no other choice but to press on, to get rejected time and time again. Even if it hurts so bad, even if I feel like drifting away, because to me, my only way out of this war is forwards.

Last edited by ShadowProphet on 09 Jul 2017, 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You can say truth kindly. When someone is down already they do need the truth but also some comfort.

And I think it is natural to want love and companionship, as long as it isn't an obsession, my opinion.

Honest truth shadowprophet. Focussing on other things and doing other things doesn't cure how lonely I feel, but it does take my mind off myself and takes the edge off the pain.

Walking is my thing. And photography. I walk and walk and walk and I take photos.

Unfortunately it's been really rainy the past week which is part of why I feel so bad. I haven't been able to go for walks.

I've signed up for a zumba class next week just to do something a bit different. I'll go crazy if I'm stuck in the house every evening next week too.