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PixieXW
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 318

18 Jul 2017, 12:24 pm

I am looking for some advice on how to deal with my own emotions after a mutually agreed break up with my partner. We were both happy to split for the time being (at least), but since we have split things have become a little hard for me. She is my best friend and one of the reasons for the split was that we didn't want to risk our friendship through trying to carry on a relationship. The problem is that I am suffering subconsciously. The more time which has passed since the end of the relationship (only a few weeks) I have started to really miss her, to find the things we no longer do (cuddle into each other and such) really hard to stick with. I know she is still a hugely important person in my life but somehow my subconscious emotions are behaving differently. I am feeling almost angry I suppose, in that I seem to be doing a lot of talking over her or talking down to her and denying every opinion she seems to have. I had no idea originally as to why I was doing this but someone has brought to my attention the two reasons for my feelings.

One: I am scared. I am not in control of my future at the moment. I had everything planned, I knew that if I moved in with her I'd have the chance to be independent, I'd have the chance to have a marriage and children, all of which would be an awful lot harder without a partner. I feel the corridor which had a door at the end saying 'dream life' has got at least twice as long and that door seems much smaller and harder to reach. I never had any interest in dating, never had any want to be in a relationship as such and I don't think I have the skills or want to get into another relationship. She is also an Aspie and has related to me in ways no other person ever can, she cares about my special interests and we can talk about sensory things and such without it being 'weird'. we understand each other and I don't feel I can live out with that.

Two: I am annoyed at myself. I feel like people had started to treat me as more of an adult when I had a partner, like they saw I wouldn't be the 'type of autism' which meant I'd live in assisted living and be 'not a real adult' (I don't believe there is anything wrong with these things, everyone has their own goals and abilities, just saying what others think) I feel like I have somehow taken a step backwards and that I did something wrong and stupid even though I know it was the right thing to do. I am angry at myself for letting go of her, even though we both felt that it was best.

So my question is this, how do I deal with my own inward emotions, my own fear, and anger as well as the fact I currently really miss her? How can I work through these emotions and make us ok again. She is so important to me and I really don't want to lose what I have gained in the amazing person she is through my personal issues.
Thanks for any help, it is hugely appreciated.


_________________
~Pixie~


JaredGTALover
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 10 Jan 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 296
Location: Bronx,NY,USA

18 Jul 2017, 12:54 pm

5 months after me & my girlfriend got back together,she emotionally sent me over the edge in a public park,i became so hateful towards her & other couples,as well as other women & girls based on their negative perception of AS guys :x :x :x :x :x :x that i was better off stimming (hooting gorilla while beating their chests,growling/roaring big-cats,chubby girls & women in underwear their size,people making out with their giant-stuffed bears,jungle videos & me making plans to make out with a giant-stuffed bear) :D :D :D :D :) :) :) :) :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: other than being physically intimate with someone that may not love me for who i am regardless of my aspergers involving the traits that she is more likely to be frustrated with