Have I exhausted all options?

Post Reply New Topic

Who, ME? Bible Belt culture has done me ZERO favors and I have no EARTHLY reason to love it. I don't, and I've been held down by it a lot longer than you.

What makes me different is I'm willing to play the cards I was dealt, and that means, just as "they" do, that I have a strong desire to seek the best in others for the good of all. And yes, I DO benefit from that, as does everyone else who believes in it.

Yes, that is what many NDs think. The truth is, you don't need to copy NTs, and if you have crippling shyness the NT dating approach won't work for you. Like you have already figured out, so next step is to ask yourself: What do I do next when traditional dating doesn't work for me? The answer is not "I have exhausted all options", but "NT dating doesn't work for me, so I'll explore other options".

I have no idea what we are talking about.

Options are not exhausting, but only one person here knows me.

They feel like it to me. The way they were suggested to me made them sound like they were guaranteed to always work and I felt exasperated when I kept getting bad results.

I am focused on one person's options, I do not work with anyone else anymore. We aren't just whining in here.

The rest get out, you have been warned.

This is your problem and the problem of everyone on here that constantly posts these "how can I get a girlfriend" posts. Guaranteed way? Are you really that naive? If there was a guaranteed way to get women don't you think no-one would be single?

There are three ways to guarantee success with women; 1) have model looks 2) have an amazing personality and amazing social skills 3) be a millionaire.

Are you any of those three things? No? Then I'm sorry to be the only person in the world to break this to you, but there are no ways that you are guaranteed to get a girlfriend.

Reading between the lines of your endless posts on this subject I can only image the way you interact with women probably makes you come off as creepy and desperate...things women hate. Stop treating women as potential victims, stop talking to women with the view of asking them out, and stop asking out women. Not one of those previously mentioned "3"? Then women are *not* going to date you on the basis of a three sentence conversation. Women are not going to date you if you just ask them out. So stop doing it. Ok?

You have to play to your strengths, get to know people over time. Stop focusing on it, stop obsessing over it and just try and get to know girls gradually over time. Not as partners but as people, and maybe over time one will see enough in you that they'll want to take things further. But you have to have that "something" to offer. If you don't have looks, gift-of-the-gab or money then you're going to need "something" else, and if you don't have that "something" to offer people then, well, you don't deserve a girlfriend and you'll never get one. If you lack that "something" then what you have to do is stop looking for the cheat-code to "get" a girlfriend and instead work on yourself such that you make yourself someone that someone else wants.

I really struggle to understand these threads, and why they are so prevalent. Seriously want kind of answer are you looking for? Do you think there is some magic technique that other people know about that gets them any girl they want, and if you keep asking and asking and make thread after thread about the same god damn thing that eventually someone will take pity and tell you what the magic trick is that gets you any girl you want?

I think that might be the thing, maybe stop trying specifically to find a girlfriend right now and address your problems and your life. Getting a girlfriend wont fix your depression, improve your living situation or remove you from the bible belt. Take some you time and quit hyper-focusing on the girlfriend thing, just for a while at least...it just seems like you're making yourself miserable that way. Don't give up but try to take some focus out of that and put it into yourself.

I mean you have depression, what are you doing about it? I have very bad depression...and even though I am in a relationship I still have to manage my depression. I mean I had a few relationship failures before I decided to try working on my issues and such for a while and then go back into looking for a relationship. Thing is you can't worry so much about being behind your peers...I am still 'behind' in plenty of ways even though I did find a relationship already but if you dwell on it, it will make you feel like sh*t.

He's made it clear that he has no intention of ending his obsession. I'm done here.

You have terrible reading comprehension. I didn't say it was guaranteed, it was the people in my culture who shoved those ideas down my throat. Don't put words in my mouth.



It's imagine, not "image", and you are pulling things way out of thin air that I've never said or even thought. Potential victims? Where the hell did you get this idea from? You sound extremely stupid for making that assumption. Do you really think I am going to listen to you, especially with that aggressive and condescending tone?



Maybe it's because social difficulties is a common struggle for those on the autistic spectrum? Ever thought of that? Then again, you've clearly shown a bad habit of making assumptions and pulling stupid s**t out of thin air so I am not surprised you haven't thought that through. The rest of your post just sounds like the ramblings of a senile angry old man. I am not going to waste any more time on someone who clearly is just a bitter person so get lost.



I don't have any hopes that it will magically make my life better since I've had a short lived relationship before. I just wish I had a special partner again and I have fears of my time either running out or if I missed out completely.

I have been in therapy since 2007. The depression (I don't use the word "my" in reference to it because I don't want to own it) has just been hard to deal with because of how sick the culture I live in is, my home life has been an unending spiral of drama, and there is a genetic component to it since a good number of my relatives suffer from depression as well. I also get bombarded with questions such as "Do you have a girlfriend? Are you married? Are in college? Did you graduate? What's your career plan?" and I get sick of having to say "No..." when I really want to say "Yes!" for a change.

Perhaps, but I doubt it is a guarantee for happiness.



I'm kind of surprised that you mention that he shouldn't ask women out, but I agree.



That is sound advice, but don't expect friendships to turn into relationships. The best starter is not a friendship, but being acquaintances, like sharing some activity or hobby.



Bad advice. Happy relationships are not about "what you can offer", or "what you can demand". They are about compatibility and respect.

Yes, hyper-focusing on and obsessing about trying to get a girlfriend is pretty bad, while I think hyper-focusing on and obsessing about a mutually interested girl is not. There is a big difference there. The former is a never-ending obsession, while the latter only occurs rarely.



I'm hopelessly behind (and ahead of) my peers, but I don't worry about it as it is completely irrelevant. I mean, I know for sure I was not born NT, so I don't expect to have reached their milestones, many of which I don't even want to reach.

Your three ways are not a solid guarantee exactly.

Model looks can get you a date. They can't cure you of being a douchebag. Same thing with personality and skills. If you're a rotten person, that will catch up with you sooner or later.

Money is interesting. I don't like using the word "money." I think of it as freedom. More money=more freedom. And people with money tend not to trust so easily. The tend to only give money to those they personally know they can trust and who they are willing to support. They are attracted to generosity. People tend to find others with the most money are the most generous. And that's why when you actually meet millionaires they're so freakin' NICE. Seriously, if it weren't for a lot of friends with lots of money to throw around, I couldn't survive. It's really no secret how they get so much money. They take care of a lot of people and people keep throwing money at them.

Think about it from a woman's perspective. If there was one single way you could know all you need to know about a guy, would you go with it? The problem with that is most people tend to pair up before they are independent. As a woman, you fall in love with a guy because he's nice to everyone and treats you well. You got married just when he got out of med school, so he's racked up a boatload of student debt. So you live in a one-room roach-infested apartment in a town with a small population and no GP. Next thing you know, people are tearing the door off to see this guy. He hires another receptionist. Hires a few nurses to help out. Brings in a couple of college buddies as specialists. Opens a second office in the next town. Patients are pouring in, hires more people. Equipment is paid for. Loans are paid off. You move out of the roach motel and buy the 5-bedroom two-story, commence making babies.

Next thing you know, you're 6-months along with your first and your grandkids already have Ivy League paid for. So you give a lot of money to the church. Buy all your friends season passes for the symphony/ballet/opera. Take out ads in ALL the local hs sporting events. Renovate the performing arts center. Other people notice your giving, start giving you money to start an endowment foundation to support _______, fund research to help cure _______, and whatever.

And you didn't get married because he had money. He was "just a nice guy."

That kind of thing happens all the time, and it's never about the money. Money just comes with the territory. People give you money when they want to keep you around. They don't help complete and utter losers. And I've known guys in the medical field who ended up bankrupt because they couldn't handle the pressure and just sucked as human beings. So, yeah, as soon as the money ran out, so did the wife.

If you have looks, personality, and money, but lack decency and love, you've really got nothing. Total douchebags aren't going to make any money they didn't inherit, anyway, and they'll throw anything they get away as quickly as they have it. People WITH money are often the kinds of people you WANT to give money to, which is why people like them so much and why they are so attractive to women BEFORE they become wealthy.

Good luck with your next thread asking how to get a girlfriend, I hope that one works out for you better than this one (or all the other ones) has.

It isn't. Celebrities and millionaires still go through break ups and divorces.



The problem with what he said is that he accuses me of seeing women as potential victims and that's just an insane assumption.



I get conflicting views on this. Some say you have to be friends first or you will scare women away but some say if you are friends first they will become uninterested in going further. It's confusing as hell.



I'd say everything he's said is bad advice because he comes off as an aggressive and condescending person. His sarcastic response to what I said to him just further solidifies this.

I'm a big friends first proponent. I never worry about that making girls uninterested. Reason being if a girl is going to be interested, she will be interested. If not, she won't. And she won't care whether you're friends first or not.

To put it another way: if a girl rejects you because you became friends and she's not interested in more, she very likely would have rejected you ANYWAY.

The exception to that might be if you're "just friends," she wants more, and you're stringing her alone. She may not lose interest exactly, but she's not going to waste her life waiting on you. Once she's in a committed relationship with someone else, it makes you look like a jerk to decide THEN to do something about it.

Actually, I dumped a girl once. Out of revenge, she started dating my roommate. Pissed me off, too, which was exactly her plan. We're still together... lol

I think that is because people are different in that aspect. I'm unable to fall in love with a girl I know too well, so that is why I claim I could never go from a friendship to a relationship. I'm sure there are girls like that too. But then there are people that are fine with that transition, perhaps because they view a relationship as a sexual friendship, and really don't need an initial crush for it to be fulfilling.

So I think it depends on how you function, and the way the girls you want to pursue function. I have a suspicion that it is mostly NTs that will transition from friendships to relationships, but I don't have any data to back that up at the moment.