Have I exhausted all options?

Post Reply New Topic

I do realize these thoughts hurt me and don't get me anywhere the more I think about them. I just wish I could find a path to focus on that would make me truly confident.



I actually lost my therapy earlier this year and even though I did have an appointment with a new therapist last week, I don't know what kind of therapy he is trained in. I don't think it's so much that the therapy wasn't helping but that so many external forces kept me in a vicious cycle.

I do feel you need to see somebody objective----like a psychotherapist.

I had an appointment last week but I can't see this person again until near the end of next month.

I know those exist and I've actually been to a Magic game night but it wasn't a good experience. Magic is also not my kind of hobby.

It actually was just one of many examples that i had on my mind...

Ditto. I have also exhausted all options too. So far I have done in past 9 years:

Dating websites (PoF, Okcupid, eHarmony, Aspiedating, Disabledmates, RSVP, Tinder, Bumble....etc)
Asking for blind dates
Getting a wingman
Asked families for advice
Asked friends for advice
Talked to sexuality psychologist
Attend a dating and relationship workshops
Went to nightclubs
Attended regular common interest groups events and meetings (environmental, social justice, climate change, politics, activism....etc)
Took gym and fitness group classes, including bootcamps
Traveled with group of people including overseas trips

The options I am not considering are:
Hire a sex worker
Try alcohol and drugs
Pretend to be a party animal

I hate dating sites to the point I swore them off completely.

Even drunk girls don't look at me.

Have you tried what several people on here have suggested & focused on improving yourself via diet and exercise until you look and feel attractive to the opposite sex?

If not, then you have yet to exhaust all options.

You are correct.

I used to hope I would overcome my struggles like what happens in so many stories, both real and fictional. My tale won't have a happy ending.

Probably not unless you pay extra, from what I hear, anyways.

He said tale, not tail

Don't let it happen naturally, it probably won't. I'm 38, I've had several long periods of my life where I tried to let it happen "naturally". If it was going to happen naturally it would've probably already happened and OP wouldn't be here asking about it. I had a period where I just followed my interest in chess, became very active in the community for several years. But as it is a male dominated activity, any women that were involved were generally taken or the recipients of overwhelming amounts of attention. There were exactly zero opportunities for anything romantic to arise out of those social connections.

Funnily enough I once saw a man so clueless about social interactions that he tried to approach and ask out a women in the middle of a tournament when her clock was running and it was her move. Also saw a women who always showed up to her tournament games baring her ample cleavage, kind of struck me as an underhanded tactic but I'm assuming it worked pretty well for her.

Pursuing and winning over women is a skill and its painful and unpleasant and uncomfortable and there's nothing natural about persisting in trying to get better at something that you suck at and hate doing. Even if you are fortunate enough to find ways to improve through the pain, there are no guarantees that you'll get what you want in the end. However, that's a better road then just "acting natural". Acting natural is for naturals.

Someone please lock this now.

Sure, but if it is unpleasant, uncomfortable and you hate it, then it cannot be natural. I think you have been socialized too much into what is natural for NTs, and so now you actually believe it is natural for you too.



No, now when you know that chasing women that way is not natural to you simply stop doing it that way and act natural according to what is natural for you instead. IOW, no asking out, no trying to win over women.