what is "chemistry"?

Page 3 of 5 [ 68 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,891
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

26 Jul 2017, 3:00 pm

hurtloam wrote:

But you guys are just so dismissive of how women actually feel. It's just so bitter and nasty.

Well, the OP is a woman and she is very confused by this chemistry/attraction ambiguity.
And I totally feel her because I too find the term very silly and vague; I think it's a made up dishonest term to conceal real intentions; even when it's used for good reasons.

Just replace chemistry with the word attraction in your definition of Chemistry, and I bet you will get what you define attraction as well.
oh btw, attraction/sexual attraction is not the same as finding someone good looking; If you find a good looking one boring or stupid; then you wouldn't feel attraction toward him, and surely not sexual attraction either, right?

So how does it differ from the more-mystic sound word then?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Jul 2017, 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Jul 2017, 3:07 pm

No you can still be attracted to someone you don't feel chemistry with. Did you read my answer to your questions.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,891
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

26 Jul 2017, 3:11 pm

^ Ok,

hurtloam wrote:

These are good questions.

Quote:

Does the Whatsapp guy arouse you sexually?

Yes

Quote:

Compare these two questions:

- What are the reasons that don't make you sexually attracted to the whatsapp guy?

Nice figure, nice ass, nice eyes. He's really clever and very interesting. He comes out with some amazing things at times. Cute giggle too.

Quote:

- What are the reasons that make you not to have a chemistry with the whatsapp guy?

I don't enjoy spending time with him. At first I did because he was interesting, but he makes me feel uncomfortable.

Say I compare him to another guy I know. That guy makes me feel comfortable. He makes me feel like he wants to talk to me. We talk easily. We have chemistry for sure.

Even when WhatsApp guy wants to talk to me I feel like he's talking down to me. Like he doesn't really respect me. He makes me defensive. Also, even though he's interesting he does go on a bit. He's arrogant. He likes the sound of his own voice. I feel like he doesn't engage me in conversation, he just talks at me.

It's like walking into the wind. You know that feeling. It's not the worst thing ever, but you'd rather it wasn't windy.

WhatsApp guy is difficult. I don't know why. He's like a yappy dog. Sometimes cuddly, but often overly excitable and annoying.

Surely everyone has been attracted to someone they don't really like or respect.

Im not saying chemistry has no sexual component. Im saying that's not All it is.

This how I see it:

Quote:

Nice figure, nice ass, nice eyes. He's really clever and very interesting. He comes out with some amazing things at times. Cute giggle too.

I see you had a Chemistry (= attraction) moment with this guy at this stage.

Quote:

Even when WhatsApp guy wants to talk to me I feel like he's talking down to me. Like he doesn't really respect me. He makes me defensive. Also, even though he's interesting he does go on a bit. He's arrogant. He likes the sound of his own voice. I feel like he doesn't engage me in conversation, he just talks at me.

.....and after knowing him better, the Chemistry (= attraction) fizzled.

Are you still attracted to this guy?

Would you for example fantasize about him in your bed? :mrgreen:

This_Amoeba
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Dec 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 575
Location: Plum Island, NY

26 Jul 2017, 3:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

This_Amoeba wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

This_Amoeba wrote:

Reading some of these responses, I am not surprised some of these men have a hard time finding and keeping girlfriends :lol:

In case you are referring to my posts (if not, then name the guys that you are attacking):

How to define chemistry isn't something that determines a man's ability in having relationships, or keeping them, I don't even see how your "armchair shrink" trolling is even related to the topic.

It's not a factor that makes one better or worse in having/keeping a relationship.

For example, hurtloam defines Chemistry probably in the way you agree with, yet she doesn't have a bf and having a hard time to get one.

So ....please stop parroting this BS and attempts to put down guys every time you see males' opinions that you don't agree with.

For the record, I have a gf since.....last november.

1Biggles1 wrote:

^+1

and you too.

And the butt-hurt begins

It begins so with you, ça se voit.

Haha, you claim to have had a gf since last November but from some of your previous posts I have read, it seems you have not....unless you're a player

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,891
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

26 Jul 2017, 3:15 pm

This_Amoeba wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

This_Amoeba wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

This_Amoeba wrote:

Reading some of these responses, I am not surprised some of these men have a hard time finding and keeping girlfriends :lol:

1Biggles1 wrote:

^+1

and you too.

And the butt-hurt begins

It begins so with you, ça se voit.

Haha, you claim to have had a gf since last November but from some of your previous posts I have read, it seems you have not....unless you're a player

It when through different phases (it went as open relationship stage at a certain phase), its circumstances aren't easy, but it's a solid one so far nevertheless.

I am flattered that you're digging my posts.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Jul 2017, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

boofle
Deinonychus

Joined: 16 Feb 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: UK

26 Jul 2017, 3:15 pm

This_Amoeba wrote:

Haha, you claim to have had a gf since last November but from some of your previous posts I have read, it seems you have not....unless you're a player

omg pls don't, i don't have enough mental detergent left!

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Jul 2017, 3:19 pm

Boo has a "friend with benefits." He's never denied that. She states he can "play the field" (per Boo). She might be leaving for another country in a few months. Boo laments that.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Jul 2017, 3:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

^ Ok,

hurtloam wrote:

These are good questions.

Quote:

Does the Whatsapp guy arouse you sexually?

Yes

Quote:

Compare these two questions:

- What are the reasons that don't make you sexually attracted to the whatsapp guy?

Nice figure, nice ass, nice eyes. He's really clever and very interesting. He comes out with some amazing things at times. Cute giggle too.

Quote:

- What are the reasons that make you not to have a chemistry with the whatsapp guy?

This how I see it:

Quote:

Nice figure, nice ass, nice eyes. He's really clever and very interesting. He comes out with some amazing things at times. Cute giggle too.

I see you had a Chemistry (= attraction) moment with this guy at this stage.

Quote:

.....and after knowing him better, the Chemistry (= attraction) fizzled.

Are you still attracted to this guy?

Would you for example fantasize about him in your bed? :mrgreen:

If I saw him in person again I would be attracted to him, but he's not someone I think about. I will look up his photos from time to time just to see how hes doing. Im slightly annoyed that he looks so good in his profile. I wanted to not think he's attractive.

Doesn't mean I'm not attracted to him anymore. He's good looking and a little exciting. That attraction won't go away.

But I feel no connection with him. We aren't able to connect. I don't know how else to phrase it. He's got a wall up. We don't gel. Ahh it's like how you might find an actor attractive, but not really have a relationship with them.

boofle
Deinonychus

Joined: 16 Feb 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 300
Location: UK

26 Jul 2017, 3:22 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:

i hear people say things like "we just didn't have any chemistry" or "make sure there is chemistry".

what does this even mean? is this just another way of saying "attraction"? or does it mean something else?

i think just by the responses on here alone, it's a personal thing.

to me, chemistry is a connection on all levels (looks, personality etc) but, i think the best way to explain how it differs from regular attraction is that attraction may be overcome if one grows to know the person and find them abhorrent but with good chemistry and despite learning that the guy is a putz, you're still drawn to em anyway...despite wanting not to be.

at least, this is how it works for me.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 22 Jan 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,857

26 Jul 2017, 3:23 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Just say hello. Woman here. Please listen. I would love it if more women felt comfortable participating in this section of the forum.

This thread is a good example of why I don't participate more often on WP than I do. It's full of men trying to tell me how I think because they actually state that they know my mind better than I do, because as a woman I don't know how to accurately report my own thoughts and feelings. The arrogance (which is really thinly veiled insecurity) and sexism is pretty repulsive. There are too many women-repellers here.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Jul 2017, 3:26 pm

Oh btw boo. There's a line to what you can ask before you step over it and it's becomes creepy.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,891
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

26 Jul 2017, 3:29 pm

hurtloam wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

^ Ok,

hurtloam wrote:

These are good questions.

Quote:

Does the Whatsapp guy arouse you sexually?

Yes

Quote:

Compare these two questions:

- What are the reasons that don't make you sexually attracted to the whatsapp guy?

Nice figure, nice ass, nice eyes. He's really clever and very interesting. He comes out with some amazing things at times. Cute giggle too.

Quote:

- What are the reasons that make you not to have a chemistry with the whatsapp guy?

This how I see it:

Quote:

Nice figure, nice ass, nice eyes. He's really clever and very interesting. He comes out with some amazing things at times. Cute giggle too.

I see you had a Chemistry (= attraction) moment with this guy at this stage.

Quote:

.....and after knowing him better, the Chemistry (= attraction) fizzled.

Are you still attracted to this guy?

Would you for example fantasize about him in your bed? :mrgreen:

So one explains Chemistry as the "instant connection / clicking" that happens when you first meet the person.

While someone else explains it as "common interests and compatibility"

While someone else explains it as connection on all levels....

This term is useless.

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Jul 2017, 3:40 pm

Why should it mean the same thing to different people.

What someone means when they say "we have no chemistry" is actually "I'm expecting* something personal to me and I'm not feeling that thing with you"

There's no magic formula for creating "chemistry" with your date because it's so personal.

That's what frustrates guys I think. They want "chemistry" to be a thing they can learn to crack, but it's not that simple.

I think guys on the spectrum find it an especially annoying term because us aspies is like facts. We like x to mean x and y to mean y. But life is full of nuances and people are all individual and sadly there is no formulae for connecting with other people.

*spelling correction

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,891
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

26 Jul 2017, 4:52 pm

It's like the term "Meltdown" which is virtually only known here on WP; and every one explains it so differently (tantrum, withsrawal, depession, sleeping... etc)

I haven't seen this term in any pro book about AS; nor is it even mentioned as a diagnosis criteria.

It's just something mystic-sounding made up that can mean anything.

kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Jul 2017, 5:10 pm

Chemistry means the "click," and it means "mutual interests." It's an all-encompassing thing.

will@rd
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 709

26 Jul 2017, 5:16 pm

Corny wrote:

I always thought chemistry meant that 2 people really like each either and have some similar interests and personality traits. And they just get along and have a great time together.

I go with this simple definition. It's often used to describe actors who work well together in front of the camera and are very believable onscreen as either friends or lovers. It's just a way of defining a mutual attraction and admiration not entirely definable, in any concrete or scientific sense.

It's the same thing people mean when they say they "just clicked" together. Those people you meet and feel almost immediately as though you've known them forever.

_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks

Page 3 of 5 [ 68 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Next

Jump to:

what is "chemistry"? Post Reply New Topic

what is "chemistry"?