Letting go = Giving up?

Post Reply New Topic

Is letting go of thinking about a girlfriend the same as giving up? I feel like I have to keep thinking about finding a girlfriend or all chances of it happening will disappear for me.

Two ex-friends (Both women) would tell me I needed to "work on yourself (myself)" and that I needed to "get your (my) head out of your ass" even though they constantly talked about their own relationship troubles. I don't want to give them any credit because they treated me hypocritically and they also exploited me for money before they decided I was worthless to them.

It's not the same as "giving up."

Often, it is better for all concern if you would "let it go."

I learned the hard way.

I just don't know what to do in the mean time. I am not in school nor do I really want to go back because my only option is the community college I feel like I've exhausted going to, I suck at the hobbies I wish I was talented at, and the city I live in is a boring Bible Belt cesspool.

I get worried by the time I get myself together that my time will have run out. I am already behind and the gap is getting so wide that I'll fall to my death in it when I try to jump across it.

I know plenty of people who first married in their 40's.

You see gray-haired dads on the subway every day.

Why not the Community College? If you take the right courses, and the right professor, it can be a really good experience.

I've been there on and off. The social scene was disappointing because most of the people still had a high school clique mentality and the student services had little to no knowledge on Aspergers. Last time I was there at the beginning of the year it's gotten even worse. Most people just look at their cellphones and the club coordinator kept shrugging me off. I think it's because I am neither a redneck or ghetto kid. On the surface, I appear to be an average white person but on the inside, I am totally different. I hate mainstream media all the way from celebrity drama to pop music, I am not anti-weapon but at the same time am not a fanboy of guns, I am not religious, I don't care about sports, and I don't see what makes cars all that they are cracked up to be.

Some of my professors were nice but the disappointing social atmosphere ruined it for me.

Last edited by Marknis on 24 Aug 2017, 12:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Using my recent experience of being falsely accused and ticketed by a-hole cop experience, here's how I see the two terms:

Letting go= Understanding the deck is stacked against me. He is a veteran, well respected cop, therefore seen as honest. I am likely to again be seen as the liar who is trying to evade responsibility like everyone else in court that day. He will almost certain lie his butt off and I cannot disprove it so I will almost certainly lose. I am going to go to court, tell the truth and accept whatever happens knowing that there is not a damn thing else I can do to fight the system.

Giving up= Just mailing in the fine amount.

As you can see, there is a world of difference in both approaches although they are very similar (both will likely result in me paying $$$). In your case, it would mean accepting that whatever happens is going to happen and just being a good person with no expectation of a reward (relationship). I "let go" of finding a girlfriend and just six months later was engaged.

I worry how long I'll have to wait, though. I will be 30 in a year.

Curious, I went to a technical college to learn a skill that I found interesting. Do none of the courses interest you? That would at least give you something to focus your time on. You might even find a job at the end of it because of your newly learned skills.

July 2017,2 Years Ago,i let go & i'm probably giving up ,now i'm concentrating on giant stuffed bears,wherever i can find one, until i can find a woman who loves me for who i am,regardless of my aspergers,or concentrate on female aspies who shares similar traits to mine

If I could tell my 30 year old self anything, it would be this:

"Younger self, I know you felt almost desperate for female attention. I know you think you time is running out and you recently picked the first girl who showed any interest in you at all. BIG MISTAKE!! There is a reason she has a long list of short term boyfriends, because she is F-ing nuts and will pretend to like everything you do because that's what crazy women do. You can't save her, you can't fix her and it is FAR better to remain a kissless virgin. Get out before she completely ruins you. Besides, you will date other, better women and the baggage you obtain will make things far worse than they need to be. All that is not going to matter because you are going to find a lovely lady who cares deeply about you and will make you forgot all about the years of being single and you will wish you enjoyed your early 30s rather than obsess about being either single or in an abusive relationship."

I know that is easier said than done but I see the tornado of destruction left by people who got married by 25 and are bitterly divorced. I would say about 50% of my coworkers, one of my cousins and soon my own brother. All of them jumped into relationships because of FEAR, not LOVE. I really feel that based on what you have written that your time is coming. I still would not be able to convince my 29 year old self of that: I was beyond hopeless at that stage of my life and now I am successfully married!

I know you aren't a sports fan but I have noticed something very strange: whenever I play a game and 'let go' of the score, my batting average, save %, etc etc I usually end up doing FAR better than when I worry about it, plus I have more fun too. Even when I lose I still feel great about the effort I put in.

Simply put, those friends aren't worth anything you ever gave them. Bad news is, biology lends itself to those traits in women; "letting go" is a thinly veiled way of trying to get you to go out and get more resources so that more of them will want to use you. Because if you don't have the looks, you're going to need the other(and vice versa). I would recommend bettering yourself in whatever ways you can...and then keeping it all to yourself instead of falling into the beta bucks trap. A lot of these folks are in denial as they get older, replacing men with cats, but who ends up with more money in the end? Good news is women significantly younger will be vying for you and what you spend on them by then will be a drop in the bucket.

Letting go isn't the same as giving up. Letting go is being relaxed and not obsessing every minute about your situation. Giving up is not caring at all, and is very sad.

We just don't have as good "vocational" schools here in the US than in the UK.

I never really learned about technical schools until my father brought them up to me but I rejected his idea since I don't want to give him any sort of credit. He doesn't get that my sadness does not come from not "working hard" but from how I don't fit in with the world around me.

If you had something to occupy you like learning a skill it would take your mind off other problems.

The problems won't go away, but at least you'd get some respite whilst doing something interesting.