Being rejected when they find out your autistic
27 Dec 2015, 4:11 pm
So I'm high functioning autistic. For the most part people that know say I don't seem any "different" to them than what they would refer to as a normal person or someone not on the spectrum, just my social skills probably aren't "normal" for someone my age. As I get older I know my chances of romance and relationships doesn't get better. Aside from a 2 year long distance relationship I have never had a girl friend. I live in a small city of a population of 20,000 so there isn't really a lot of places to go to where people my age can meet other people. I'm not really religious and got bored at church when I was forced to go as a kid, so I wouldn't meet someone there either, even if I wanted too my work hours wouldn't really allow me the time to go anyways. I also don't drink and don't see whats so great or fun about people getting drunk and puking their insides out for hours, so I avoid bars and that such.
I've mainly used the internet as a tool for meeting people. I have in rare occasions met friends that way that I'm still in contact with as friends years later, but nothing in terms of romance. Mostly because I get rejected the moment I bring up that I'm autistic. My friends tell me maybe I just shouldn't tell them, but if someone is gonna be that nasty and judgmental to a person all because they mention that they're different than other people, I'd rather weed them out in the beginning than waste my time, money, and gas going to see them. I have no place for people like that in my life, and trust me, just being me is hard enough most of the time.
I met a girl last year that seemed interested in me. Once I brought up I was autistic than it was almost as if I told her I had AIDS or something, because what went from texting for days turned into a "oh sorry, its not gonna work, we can't even be friends" so that was the end of her.
I had another girl who seemed fine with me till I mentioned it, than told me that she was "an expert" on autism because she helped her mom that worked in the field and said it wasn't gonna work because she wanted kids someday and didn't want anyone with bad genetics. Ok, first of all her and her mother are obviously both idiots and full of s***, and second how does she know her OWN genetics are perfect? For all she knows there could be something in her that causes a kid she has with anyone to be born with down syndrome or worse. In comparison to stuff like that, autism is pretty mild, not to mention theres plenty of people who can have children born autistic where neither of the parents had it or ran in their family.
I could go on about dozens more, but those two probably stand out the most to me. Theres just too much of a stigmata with autism because everyone that hears the word automatically thinks that means someone is mentally ret*d when theres different spectrums and levels of it.
At this point though, I've pretty much just lost interest in romance and dating for now. I've gotten to the point to where I feel like all the ones that probably would accept me at my age are pretty much all married off and have a family now. I can't stand going on dating sites anymore. The average girl close to my age give or take a few years all have 2-3 kids (usually with different fathers) no joke. Most of them have the ages of their kids posted, so if you do the math it means they had their first kid at like age 15 or 16 in some cases. It just disgusts and sickens me, and after a bad experience with trying to get close to a girl with a child, I'm in no hurry to try dating single mothers, if ever again.
27 Dec 2015, 7:39 pm
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
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27 Dec 2015, 7:42 pm
Nist498 wrote:
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
Lots of people have relationships that at least begin online nowadays--especially long-distance relationships, which are increasing in popularity because of internet access and how much easier it is now to find like-minded people who don't necessarily live close to you geographically. There is no shortage of autistic women online, is what I'm saying. Why not start looking for them there? He obviously is willing to look for non-autistic women online to talk to, so maybe if rejection due to autism is an issue try people who are autistic themselves? It just seems like the most logical solution to me.
nick007
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27 Dec 2015, 8:09 pm
wilburforce wrote:
Nist498 wrote:
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
Lots of people have relationships that at least begin online nowadays--especially long-distance relationships, which are increasing in popularity because of internet access and how much easier it is now to find like-minded people who don't necessarily live close to you geographically. There is no shortage of autistic women online, is what I'm saying. Why not start looking for them there? He obviously is willing to look for non-autistic women online to talk to, so maybe if rejection due to autism is an issue try people who are autistic themselves? It just seems like the most logical solution to me.
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27 Dec 2015, 9:03 pm
nick007 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
Nist498 wrote:
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
Lots of people have relationships that at least begin online nowadays--especially long-distance relationships, which are increasing in popularity because of internet access and how much easier it is now to find like-minded people who don't necessarily live close to you geographically. There is no shortage of autistic women online, is what I'm saying. Why not start looking for them there? He obviously is willing to look for non-autistic women online to talk to, so maybe if rejection due to autism is an issue try people who are autistic themselves? It just seems like the most logical solution to me.
I don't think that's a fair characterisation of the women of this forum. Some women have spoken up here and there about the sexism that plagues the L&D board, but that doesn't mean the women have negative views of all the autistic men here--they only view negatively the sexist ones who constantly post negative things about women in L&D. Which is pretty understandable, I think.
27 Dec 2015, 10:31 pm
wilburforce wrote:
Nist498 wrote:
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
Lots of people have relationships that at least begin online nowadays--especially long-distance relationships, which are increasing in popularity because of internet access and how much easier it is now to find like-minded people who don't necessarily live close to you geographically. There is no shortage of autistic women online, is what I'm saying. Why not start looking for them there? He obviously is willing to look for non-autistic women online to talk to, so maybe if rejection due to autism is an issue try people who are autistic themselves? It just seems like the most logical solution to me.
There may be no shortage of autistic women online but in fact there really IS a shortage of single autistic women on dating sites! I've run into a few on okcupid but all the ones in my area are in relationships and not interested in dating folks they meet there.
27 Dec 2015, 10:36 pm
SectorStar wrote:
So I'm high functioning autistic. For the most part people that know say I don't seem any "different" to them than what they would refer to as a normal person or someone not on the spectrum, just my social skills probably aren't "normal" for someone my age. As I get older I know my chances of romance and relationships doesn't get better. Aside from a 2 year long distance relationship I have never had a girl friend. I live in a small city of a population of 20,000 so there isn't really a lot of places to go to where people my age can meet other people. I'm not really religious and got bored at church when I was forced to go as a kid, so I wouldn't meet someone there either, even if I wanted too my work hours wouldn't really allow me the time to go anyways. I also don't drink and don't see whats so great or fun about people getting drunk and puking their insides out for hours, so I avoid bars and that such.
I've mainly used the internet as a tool for meeting people. I have in rare occasions met friends that way that I'm still in contact with as friends years later, but nothing in terms of romance. Mostly because I get rejected the moment I bring up that I'm autistic. My friends tell me maybe I just shouldn't tell them, but if someone is gonna be that nasty and judgmental to a person all because they mention that they're different than other people, I'd rather weed them out in the beginning than waste my time, money, and gas going to see them. I have no place for people like that in my life, and trust me, just being me is hard enough most of the time.
I met a girl last year that seemed interested in me. Once I brought up I was autistic than it was almost as if I told her I had AIDS or something, because what went from texting for days turned into a "oh sorry, its not gonna work, we can't even be friends" so that was the end of her.
I had another girl who seemed fine with me till I mentioned it, than told me that she was "an expert" on autism because she helped her mom that worked in the field and said it wasn't gonna work because she wanted kids someday and didn't want anyone with bad genetics. Ok, first of all her and her mother are obviously both idiots and full of s***, and second how does she know her OWN genetics are perfect? For all she knows there could be something in her that causes a kid she has with anyone to be born with down syndrome or worse. In comparison to stuff like that, autism is pretty mild, not to mention theres plenty of people who can have children born autistic where neither of the parents had it or ran in their family.
I could go on about dozens more, but those two probably stand out the most to me. Theres just too much of a stigmata with autism because everyone that hears the word automatically thinks that means someone is mentally ret*d when theres different spectrums and levels of it.
At this point though, I've pretty much just lost interest in romance and dating for now. I've gotten to the point to where I feel like all the ones that probably would accept me at my age are pretty much all married off and have a family now. I can't stand going on dating sites anymore. The average girl close to my age give or take a few years all have 2-3 kids (usually with different fathers) no joke. Most of them have the ages of their kids posted, so if you do the math it means they had their first kid at like age 15 or 16 in some cases. It just disgusts and sickens me, and after a bad experience with trying to get close to a girl with a child, I'm in no hurry to try dating single mothers, if ever again.
I've mainly used the internet as a tool for meeting people. I have in rare occasions met friends that way that I'm still in contact with as friends years later, but nothing in terms of romance. Mostly because I get rejected the moment I bring up that I'm autistic. My friends tell me maybe I just shouldn't tell them, but if someone is gonna be that nasty and judgmental to a person all because they mention that they're different than other people, I'd rather weed them out in the beginning than waste my time, money, and gas going to see them. I have no place for people like that in my life, and trust me, just being me is hard enough most of the time.
I met a girl last year that seemed interested in me. Once I brought up I was autistic than it was almost as if I told her I had AIDS or something, because what went from texting for days turned into a "oh sorry, its not gonna work, we can't even be friends" so that was the end of her.
I had another girl who seemed fine with me till I mentioned it, than told me that she was "an expert" on autism because she helped her mom that worked in the field and said it wasn't gonna work because she wanted kids someday and didn't want anyone with bad genetics. Ok, first of all her and her mother are obviously both idiots and full of s***, and second how does she know her OWN genetics are perfect? For all she knows there could be something in her that causes a kid she has with anyone to be born with down syndrome or worse. In comparison to stuff like that, autism is pretty mild, not to mention theres plenty of people who can have children born autistic where neither of the parents had it or ran in their family.
I could go on about dozens more, but those two probably stand out the most to me. Theres just too much of a stigmata with autism because everyone that hears the word automatically thinks that means someone is mentally ret*d when theres different spectrums and levels of it.
At this point though, I've pretty much just lost interest in romance and dating for now. I've gotten to the point to where I feel like all the ones that probably would accept me at my age are pretty much all married off and have a family now. I can't stand going on dating sites anymore. The average girl close to my age give or take a few years all have 2-3 kids (usually with different fathers) no joke. Most of them have the ages of their kids posted, so if you do the math it means they had their first kid at like age 15 or 16 in some cases. It just disgusts and sickens me, and after a bad experience with trying to get close to a girl with a child, I'm in no hurry to try dating single mothers, if ever again.
So you're in Roseburg, OR where an autistic man(Chris Harper-Mercer) carried out a mass shooting but even before that happened people in your area have rejected you for having autism. I hate to say this, but as an autistic man there REALLY IS a negative bias towards autistic men on behalf of NT women...And for the most part it's not so much the label but the baggage that goes with it: Particularly the bad social skills and perception of being "immature". It's the reason most women aren't attracted to classic geeks and autistic men are Uber Geeky.
If it is possible, you might want to try to search for women outside of your area who are willing to date long distance and/or look into moving to a much larger city.
28 Dec 2015, 12:06 am
Nist498 wrote:
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
Yep, couldn't had said it better. I'm not really sure how to reach out to them, and as someone said there doesn't seem to be a lot. I've actually only met one autistic female online that lived here, but I didn't try to pursue her once I found out she had FOUR children. I'm not saying people with children are untouchable, but as I said in my original post, I had a negative experience with a single mother with ONE child, so if I could barely handle that, I know I wouldn't be able to handle someone with four.
nick007 wrote:
Lots of people have relationships that at least begin online nowadays--especially long-distance relationships, which are increasing in popularity because of internet access and how much easier it is now to find like-minded people who don't necessarily live close to you geographically. There is no shortage of autistic women online, is what I'm saying. Why not start looking for them there? He obviously is willing to look for non-autistic women online to talk to, so maybe if rejection due to autism is an issue try people who are autistic themselves? It just seems like the most logical solution to me.
I'm not willing to do long distance relationships again. Almost 6 years ago I had a long distance relationship with a girl from North Carolina. We instant messaged for hours every day, talked on the phone a lot, skyped on web cam, even sent eachother stuff in the mail frequently. When I had got my job I was gonna pay for her to come fly here and visit me. On the week of what would have been our 2 year anniversary I found out that she had cheated on me and got pregnant with someone elses twins. My lesson I learned was that in situations like that where you can't physically see the person, you really have no idea whats going on behind the computer screen. Not saying people never cheat when you live in the same city with them. But its usually a little easier to pick up on suspicious ques and behaviors if you can observe the person in real life. Even if the person was say 2 or 3 hours away I'm not willing to do that either. Between my job with inconcisitent work hours and days off, its hard to plan for things in advanced, and I probably wouldn't be able to afford frequent trips in terms of gas if it came to that.
AR1500 wrote:
So you're in Roseburg, OR where an autistic man(Chris Harper-Mercer) carried out a mass shooting but even before that happened people in your area have rejected you for having autism. I hate to say this, but as an autistic man there REALLY IS a negative bias towards autistic men on behalf of NT women...And for the most part it's not so much the label but the baggage that goes with it: Particularly the bad social skills and perception of being "immature". It's the reason most women aren't attracted to classic geeks and autistic men are Uber Geeky.
I had this problem obviously long before that shooting, but yes, stuff like that doesn't help situation between that and the last couple major shootings in the U.S. this year where the person had some type of mental problem. So now the media has pretty much convinced everyone that autistic people are potential killers and shooters.
As I said at the end of my post, at this point I've just pretty much just gave up and lost interest. Its like someone just "flipped a switch" inside of me that gave me the desire to want to date or have a girl friend. I was just more of a curiosity to see if other people could relate to my situation.
28 Dec 2015, 12:36 am
Love ur story man! Similar journey 2 mine and people do perceive me as normal or quasi normal, particularly my mother. Yet I can never move along in the dating & relationship scene. Had a similar story 2 coincidentallyveitba girl whose mother work in da Autism field & had a brother in da spectrum. I tried going out sit her several times, MA mom even made me five hsr gifts, though I SHOULDNT HAVE & REALLY REGRET that NIW & feel she fooled me over. Whenever I tried 2 gobkut wif her, it was as though, she expressed interest & then when it came time 2 set something up, she would always decline &/come up wit something else. Worse thing MA mom would always highlight my incompetence by saying phrases such as "this is no even Jr girlfriend 4 u 2 be so down if I didn't c ber 4 a given ocassion. Worst, she ended up wit another folk, soooooooooo irking!! ! And history just repeats itself over & over wkt me!! !! Also, she even mentioned bout not having time 4 fun & entertainment, including dating and yet this is what happens. Daughter of a whore I should say, lol, and a REAL traitor to me. Would u think???? I got 2 the point I snapped at her, by sending her a nasty text message, as it sickens me to see postings of her & new bf, though, I no longer search her in social media. Just deppresses me! Not da 1st time. Cheers from Jr fellow friend from Canada. At this point I have taken a surrender(gave-up) attitude in terms of dating and relationships and just confort myself wit being lonesome. What we could do, right? We exhaust all our efforts(best) in most circumstances and to no avail. See my postings on dating& relationship posted yesterday from alrjandro890. Cheers buddy!
28 Dec 2015, 12:45 am
AR1500 wrote:
SectorStar wrote:
So I'm high functioning autistic. For the most part people that know say I don't seem any "different" to them than what they would refer to as a normal person or someone not on the spectrum, just my social skills probably aren't "normal" for someone my age. As I get older I know my chances of romance and relationships doesn't get better. Aside from a 2 year long distance relationship I have never had a girl friend. I live in a small city of a population of 20,000 so there isn't really a lot of places to go to where people my age can meet other people. I'm not really religious and got bored at church when I was forced to go as a kid, so I wouldn't meet someone there either, even if I wanted too my work hours wouldn't really allow me the time to go anyways. I also don't drink and don't see whats so great or fun about people getting drunk and puking their insides out for hours, so I avoid bars and that such.
I've mainly used the internet as a tool for meeting people. I have in rare occasions met friends that way that I'm still in contact with as friends years later, but nothing in terms of romance. Mostly because I get rejected the moment I bring up that I'm autistic. My friends tell me maybe I just shouldn't tell them, but if someone is gonna be that nasty and judgmental to a person all because they mention that they're different than other people, I'd rather weed them out in the beginning than waste my time, money, and gas going to see them. I have no place for people like that in my life, and trust me, just being me is hard enough most of the time.
I met a girl last year that seemed interested in me. Once I brought up I was autistic than it was almost as if I told her I had AIDS or something, because what went from texting for days turned into a "oh sorry, its not gonna work, we can't even be friends" so that was the end of her.
I had another girl who seemed fine with me till I mentioned it, than told me that she was "an expert" on autism because she helped her mom that worked in the field and said it wasn't gonna work because she wanted kids someday and didn't want anyone with bad genetics. Ok, first of all her and her mother are obviously both idiots and full of s***, and second how does she know her OWN genetics are perfect? For all she knows there could be something in her that causes a kid she has with anyone to be born with down syndrome or worse. In comparison to stuff like that, autism is pretty mild, not to mention theres plenty of people who can have children born autistic where neither of the parents had it or ran in their family.
I could go on about dozens more, but those two probably stand out the most to me. Theres just too much of a stigmata with autism because everyone that hears the word automatically thinks that means someone is mentally ret*d when theres different spectrums and levels of it.
At this point though, I've pretty much just lost interest in romance and dating for now. I've gotten to the point to where I feel like all the ones that probably would accept me at my age are pretty much all married off and have a family now. I can't stand going on dating sites anymore. The average girl close to my age give or take a few years all have 2-3 kids (usually with different fathers) no joke. Most of them have the ages of their kids posted, so if you do the math it means they had their first kid at like age 15 or 16 in some cases. It just disgusts and sickens me, and after a bad experience with trying to get close to a girl with a child, I'm in no hurry to try dating single mothers, if ever again.
I've mainly used the internet as a tool for meeting people. I have in rare occasions met friends that way that I'm still in contact with as friends years later, but nothing in terms of romance. Mostly because I get rejected the moment I bring up that I'm autistic. My friends tell me maybe I just shouldn't tell them, but if someone is gonna be that nasty and judgmental to a person all because they mention that they're different than other people, I'd rather weed them out in the beginning than waste my time, money, and gas going to see them. I have no place for people like that in my life, and trust me, just being me is hard enough most of the time.
I met a girl last year that seemed interested in me. Once I brought up I was autistic than it was almost as if I told her I had AIDS or something, because what went from texting for days turned into a "oh sorry, its not gonna work, we can't even be friends" so that was the end of her.
I had another girl who seemed fine with me till I mentioned it, than told me that she was "an expert" on autism because she helped her mom that worked in the field and said it wasn't gonna work because she wanted kids someday and didn't want anyone with bad genetics. Ok, first of all her and her mother are obviously both idiots and full of s***, and second how does she know her OWN genetics are perfect? For all she knows there could be something in her that causes a kid she has with anyone to be born with down syndrome or worse. In comparison to stuff like that, autism is pretty mild, not to mention theres plenty of people who can have children born autistic where neither of the parents had it or ran in their family.
I could go on about dozens more, but those two probably stand out the most to me. Theres just too much of a stigmata with autism because everyone that hears the word automatically thinks that means someone is mentally ret*d when theres different spectrums and levels of it.
At this point though, I've pretty much just lost interest in romance and dating for now. I've gotten to the point to where I feel like all the ones that probably would accept me at my age are pretty much all married off and have a family now. I can't stand going on dating sites anymore. The average girl close to my age give or take a few years all have 2-3 kids (usually with different fathers) no joke. Most of them have the ages of their kids posted, so if you do the math it means they had their first kid at like age 15 or 16 in some cases. It just disgusts and sickens me, and after a bad experience with trying to get close to a girl with a child, I'm in no hurry to try dating single mothers, if ever again.
So you're in Roseburg, OR where an autistic man(Chris Harper-Mercer) carried out a mass shooting but even before that happened people in your area have rejected you for having autism. I hate to say this, but as an autistic man there REALLY IS a negative bias towards autistic men on behalf of NT women...And for the most part it's not so much the label but the baggage that goes with it: Particularly the bad social skills and perception of being "immature". It's the reason most women aren't attracted to classic geeks and autistic men are Uber Geeky.
If it is possible, you might want to try to search for women outside of your area who are willing to date long distance and/or look into moving to a much larger city.
Don't you think autistic women get rejected by NT men all the time, too? It's not exclusive to autistic men, this negative stigma about autism. I wish you guys would stop saying stuff like this, it makes me as an autistic woman feel invisible and like my experiences are not real. Do you like to be made to feel invisible or have your experiences invalidated? I don't. It's not a nice feeling.
28 Dec 2015, 12:49 am
SectorStar wrote:
Nist498 wrote:
Given where he lives there may not be that many autistic women to date or even if there are, they may not be making themselves known. I'm in a similar situation where you can find any adult autistic support groups in my area so while it may be possible to have a relationship with such a woman, finding one close by can be nigh impossible.
Yep, couldn't had said it better. I'm not really sure how to reach out to them, and as someone said there doesn't seem to be a lot. I've actually only met one autistic female online that lived here, but I didn't try to pursue her once I found out she had FOUR children. I'm not saying people with children are untouchable, but as I said in my original post, I had a negative experience with a single mother with ONE child, so if I could barely handle that, I know I wouldn't be able to handle someone with four.
nick007 wrote:
Lots of people have relationships that at least begin online nowadays--especially long-distance relationships, which are increasing in popularity because of internet access and how much easier it is now to find like-minded people who don't necessarily live close to you geographically. There is no shortage of autistic women online, is what I'm saying. Why not start looking for them there? He obviously is willing to look for non-autistic women online to talk to, so maybe if rejection due to autism is an issue try people who are autistic themselves? It just seems like the most logical solution to me.
I'm not willing to do long distance relationships again. Almost 6 years ago I had a long distance relationship with a girl from North Carolina. We instant messaged for hours every day, talked on the phone a lot, skyped on web cam, even sent eachother stuff in the mail frequently. When I had got my job I was gonna pay for her to come fly here and visit me. On the week of what would have been our 2 year anniversary I found out that she had cheated on me and got pregnant with someone elses twins. My lesson I learned was that in situations like that where you can't physically see the person, you really have no idea whats going on behind the computer screen. Not saying people never cheat when you live in the same city with them. But its usually a little easier to pick up on suspicious ques and behaviors if you can observe the person in real life. Even if the person was say 2 or 3 hours away I'm not willing to do that either. Between my job with inconcisitent work hours and days off, its hard to plan for things in advanced, and I probably wouldn't be able to afford frequent trips in terms of gas if it came to that.
AR1500 wrote:
So you're in Roseburg, OR where an autistic man(Chris Harper-Mercer) carried out a mass shooting but even before that happened people in your area have rejected you for having autism. I hate to say this, but as an autistic man there REALLY IS a negative bias towards autistic men on behalf of NT women...And for the most part it's not so much the label but the baggage that goes with it: Particularly the bad social skills and perception of being "immature". It's the reason most women aren't attracted to classic geeks and autistic men are Uber Geeky.
I had this problem obviously long before that shooting, but yes, stuff like that doesn't help situation between that and the last couple major shootings in the U.S. this year where the person had some type of mental problem. So now the media has pretty much convinced everyone that autistic people are potential killers and shooters.
As I said at the end of my post, at this point I've just pretty much just gave up and lost interest. Its like someone just "flipped a switch" inside of me that gave me the desire to want to date or have a girl friend. I was just more of a curiosity to see if other people could relate to my situation.
Yup, I can relate. I haven't tried dating in a few years now because I figured it would be impossible to find someone I'm compatible with that can handle my being different. Yes, autistic women do exist (we are more common than you think because autism in women has been going unrecognised and undiagnosed for years, but that's starting to change) and we have very similar experiences to autistic men, because of autism. We are real, we do exist.
28 Dec 2015, 12:54 am
wilburforce wrote:
Don't you think autistic women get rejected by NT men all the time, too? It's not exclusive to autistic men, this negative stigma about autism. I wish you guys would stop saying stuff like this, it makes me as an autistic woman feel invisible and like my experiences are not real. Do you like to be made to feel invisible or have your experiences invalidated? I don't. It's not a nice feeling.
Well DUH! But from the ones I've talked to and the ones who posted ITF it's often not for the same reasons that autistic men are rejected. Because really wilburforce, men and women are different and especially when it comes to what things they want in a potential partner. Men in general are more willing to overlook personality and character defects while women are more willing to overlook physical defects. I don't know what you look like or how you dress but I do know NT women who feel invisible because most men don't find them attractive. But I also know some autistic women who get a lot of unwanted sexual interest from guys despite being introverted and shy. I'm not invalidating your experiences but I'm suggesting to you that the cause might not be something different than you believe.
28 Dec 2015, 1:00 am
Bro that f*****g sucks. It makes me mad reading this.
A woman rejecting you is tough but a woman rejecting you because you're autistic, right in the feels man. I'd throw s**t and be upset for a couple days if a girl I really liked rejected me for being autistic.
Because there's nothing you can do about it. You can't make autism simply go away and I know how hard it is to date for us. We all want love.
28 Dec 2015, 1:05 am
AR1500 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
Don't you think autistic women get rejected by NT men all the time, too? It's not exclusive to autistic men, this negative stigma about autism. I wish you guys would stop saying stuff like this, it makes me as an autistic woman feel invisible and like my experiences are not real. Do you like to be made to feel invisible or have your experiences invalidated? I don't. It's not a nice feeling.
Well DUH! But from the ones I've talked to and the ones who posted ITF it's often not for the same reasons that autistic men are rejected. Because really wilburforce, men and women are different and especially when it comes to what things they want in a potential partner. Men in general are more willing to overlook personality and character defects while women are more willing to overlook physical defects. I don't know what you look like or how you dress but I do know NT women who feel invisible because most men don't find them attractive. But I also know some autistic women who get a lot of unwanted sexual interest from guys despite being introverted and shy. I'm not invalidating your experiences but I'm suggesting to you that the cause might not be something different than you believe.
I'm 100% positive that the majority of the rejection that I face is due to my autism. I feel like I'm talking to myself, and none of you are hearing me. It's so frustrating--I come to this forum for understanding, just like you guys do, but instead I get told that my feelings and experiences can't be real or like yours are because I'm female. It's BS, and it's frustrating and disappointing as f**k. Way to alienate the one group of people who might understand you guys. You are all shooting yourselves in the foot in regards to making real connections with other humans who might relate to you.
28 Dec 2015, 1:19 am
wilburforce wrote:
AR1500 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
Don't you think autistic women get rejected by NT men all the time, too? It's not exclusive to autistic men, this negative stigma about autism. I wish you guys would stop saying stuff like this, it makes me as an autistic woman feel invisible and like my experiences are not real. Do you like to be made to feel invisible or have your experiences invalidated? I don't. It's not a nice feeling.
Well DUH! But from the ones I've talked to and the ones who posted ITF it's often not for the same reasons that autistic men are rejected. Because really wilburforce, men and women are different and especially when it comes to what things they want in a potential partner. Men in general are more willing to overlook personality and character defects while women are more willing to overlook physical defects. I don't know what you look like or how you dress but I do know NT women who feel invisible because most men don't find them attractive. But I also know some autistic women who get a lot of unwanted sexual interest from guys despite being introverted and shy. I'm not invalidating your experiences but I'm suggesting to you that the cause might not be something different than you believe.
I'm 100% positive that the majority of the rejection that I face is due to my autism. I feel like I'm talking to myself, and none of you are hearing me. It's so frustrating--I come to this forum for understanding, just like you guys do, but instead I get told that my feelings and experiences can't be real or like yours are because I'm female. It's BS, and it's frustrating and disappointing as f**k. Way to alienate the one group of people who might understand you guys. You are all shooting yourselves in the foot in regards to making real connections with other humans who might relate to you.
You'd probably have more luck gaining resonance from guys and girls alike if you actually went into detail about your experiences, possibly starting a thread on this forum. I know as a guy with autism, I understand how male autism works, and the problems linked to it much more than I understand female autism. If you want people to understand where you're coming from, you're going to have a much easier time if you tell people where you're coming from. Especially since I think it's safe to say that more guys frequent this thread than girls.
Maybe some guys will come in and still invalidate your experiences, I don't know. But I think people would be less inclined to do so if they understood what you've actually experienced.
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