Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Keeping options open?

Page 3 of 3 [ 42 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

Previous topic | Next topic

AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

03 Oct 2017, 12:48 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Lol i missed that typo.

No typos here. That silky thing was a Freudian “slip.” :lol:



that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

03 Oct 2017, 3:18 pm

AngelRho wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Lol i missed that typo.

No typos here. That silky thing was a Freudian “slip.” :lol:


You're so punny


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


Britte
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,136
Location: @

03 Oct 2017, 5:49 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
It's so hard to keep trying to connect with other guys once i like someone bc i tend to fixate. Anyone manage to keep dating around and make new connections even if they like some one else? Specifically asking AS since we tend to be more obsessive lol. I'm looking for help with correct mind set i guess?


My dx is AS/HFA. I am in love with my friend, who is an Aspie. I don't have a desire to connect with anyone else, in the same way. I don't think there is anyone who could measure up to him, or the traits he possesses, that attract me to him, or, anyone who could replace him in my heart. I know he will always be the only person who will ever, completely, satisfy me.

The 'options I keep open', are options/opportunities to spend time interacting with him. I do not desire to connect with anyone, further, nor, give my heart to anyone else. If this is what you refer to, as obsessive, then, l suppose I am obsessive. Although, I don’t ‘obsess’ over him. I simply love him. I like to please him, and I always hope for future opportunities for us to enjoy each other's company.

edit: In terms of a 'correct mindset', I'm not sure there is one. In my case, it's more a matter of the heart.



that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

03 Oct 2017, 9:45 pm

Quote:

My dx is AS/HFA. I am in love with my friend, who is an Aspie. I don't have a desire to connect with anyone else, in the same way. I don't think there is anyone who could measure up to him, or the traits he possesses, that attract me to him, or, anyone who could replace him in my heart. I know he will always be the only person who will ever, completely, satisfy me.

The 'options I keep open', are options/opportunities to spend time interacting with him. I do not desire to connect with anyone, further, nor, give my heart to anyone else. If this is what you refer to, as obsessive, then, l suppose I am obsessive. Although, I don’t ‘obsess’ over him. I simply love him. I like to please him, and I always hope for future opportunities for us to enjoy each other's company.

edit: In terms of a 'correct mindset', I'm not sure there is one. In my case, it's more a matter of the heart.


I'm not sure what dx is... are you already in a relationship with him? It sounds really nice :heart:


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


Britte
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,136
Location: @

04 Oct 2017, 5:59 am

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Quote:

My dx is AS/HFA. I am in love with my friend, who is an Aspie. I don't have a desire to connect with anyone else, in the same way. I don't think there is anyone who could measure up to him, or the traits he possesses, that attract me to him, or, anyone who could replace him in my heart. I know he will always be the only person who will ever, completely, satisfy me.

The 'options I keep open', are options/opportunities to spend time interacting with him. I do not desire to connect with anyone, further, nor, give my heart to anyone else. If this is what you refer to, as obsessive, then, l suppose I am obsessive. Although, I don’t ‘obsess’ over him. I simply love him. I like to please him, and I always hope for future opportunities for us to enjoy each other's company.

edit: In terms of a 'correct mindset', I'm not sure there is one. In my case, it's more a matter of the heart.


I'm not sure what dx is... are you already in a relationship with him? It sounds really nice :heart:


Sorry for being unclear. I used 'dx', in place of diagnoses. We are in a friendship. He used to refer to us as 'special friends'. I'm hopeful that he continues to think of us, as such. : )

May I ask what has happened, to cause your desire to connect with others? Has something happened with your relationship? If so, I hope things will improve. Assuming that you find him to be the person for you. x o



that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

04 Oct 2017, 2:20 pm

Britte wrote:
Sorry for being unclear. I used 'dx', in place of diagnoses. We are in a friendship. He used to refer to us as 'special friends'. I'm hopeful that he continues to think of us, as such. : )

May I ask what has happened, to cause your desire to connect with others? Has something happened with your relationship? If so, I hope things will improve. Assuming that you find him to be the person for you. x o


What caused me to desire to connect with others: i started dating (NT, ASD, and neuroatypical, likely; basically all sorts). I kinda have a similar situation where i like one person way more than all the others XD i guess I'm just trying to not get too prematurely attached....


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Oct 2017, 2:36 pm

Come on, drop silky things for me to watch.



Britte
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,136
Location: @

04 Oct 2017, 9:28 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Britte wrote:
Sorry for being unclear. I used 'dx', in place of diagnoses. We are in a friendship. He used to refer to us as 'special friends'. I'm hopeful that he continues to think of us, as such. : )

May I ask what has happened, to cause your desire to connect with others? Has something happened with your relationship? If so, I hope things will improve. Assuming that you find him to be the person for you. x o


What caused me to desire to connect with others: i started dating (NT, ASD, and neuroatypical, likely; basically all sorts). I kinda have a similar situation where i like one person way more than all the others XD i guess I'm just trying to not get too prematurely attached....


Ah, I understand. I am, also, one who becomes quickly, attached, however, only on the rare occasion, and, only if the person possesses particular traits of which are extremely attractive to me. I hope it is ok to ask - is there a reason that you are trying to hold back from becoming attached, 'prematurely'? Is it possible that the person who you are forming an attachment to, might be experiencing the same? Perhaps, you could see the person, again... : )



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,743
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

05 Oct 2017, 6:19 pm

Britte wrote:
that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Britte wrote:
Sorry for being unclear. I used 'dx', in place of diagnoses. We are in a friendship. He used to refer to us as 'special friends'. I'm hopeful that he continues to think of us, as such. : )

May I ask what has happened, to cause your desire to connect with others? Has something happened with your relationship? If so, I hope things will improve. Assuming that you find him to be the person for you. x o


What caused me to desire to connect with others: i started dating (NT, ASD, and neuroatypical, likely; basically all sorts). I kinda have a similar situation where i like one person way more than all the others XD i guess I'm just trying to not get too prematurely attached....


Ah, I understand. I am, also, one who becomes quickly, attached, however, only on the rare occasion, and, only if the person possesses particular traits of which are extremely attractive to me. I hope it is ok to ask - is there a reason that you are trying to hold back from becoming attached, 'prematurely'? Is it possible that the person who you are forming an attachment to, might be experiencing the same? Perhaps, you could see the person, again... : )


I can answer this from my own point of view.

It hurts when you get too attached to someone and things don't work out.

I keep getting berated (Oh sorry, it's actually well intentioned advice) from friends who think I get too attached to men who couldn't care less about me.

Ironically I don't jump in feet first. I give things time to develop, but they lose interest because I'm too slow to reciprocate.

I can't win. One one hand I get scolded for being a loser who is too scared to make a move on the other hand I'm a loser that falls too soon.

Everything I do is wrong as far as I can glean from people who are being "helpful".



that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

09 Oct 2017, 12:29 pm

Britte wrote:
Ah, I understand. I am, also, one who becomes quickly, attached, however, only on the rare occasion, and, only if the person possesses particular traits of which are extremely attractive to me. I hope it is ok to ask - is there a reason that you are trying to hold back from becoming attached, 'prematurely'? Is it possible that the person who you are forming an attachment to, might be experiencing the same? Perhaps, you could see the person, again... : )

hurtloam wrote:
I can answer this from my own point of view.

It hurts when you get too attached to someone and things don't work out.

I keep getting berated (Oh sorry, it's actually well intentioned advice) from friends who think I get too attached to men who couldn't care less about me.

Ironically I don't jump in feet first. I give things time to develop, but they lose interest because I'm too slow to reciprocate.

I can't win. One one hand I get scolded for being a loser who is too scared to make a move on the other hand I'm a loser that falls too soon.

Everything I do is wrong as far as I can glean from people who are being "helpful".


Pretty much what hurtloam described. I have a history of getting attached to guys who decide they don't like me so much anymore and i end up getting hurt.

Weird thing is, in this particular case, I've wondered if him and i aren't trying to do the exact same thing... avoiding getting too attached.... eh, idk.


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!