How can I find people who respect my need for privacy?

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

Balbituate
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 13 Nov 2017
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 207
Location: New Zealand

25 Nov 2017, 2:03 pm

Since I've dealt with someone who really invaded my privacy recently I know I'm in no shape to date. But when I am how do I find someone who respects my need for privacy? I've heard people will think you're cheating if you demand too much privacy. They also tend to snoop more.



ZachGoodwin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,065

25 Nov 2017, 2:33 pm

Depends on the type of guy, and the type of questions you are okay with from that guy. Sorry for sounding blatant. Guys who ask a lot of questions want to know a lot of information. One of the reasons guys want to know a lot of information is because knowing more information means there is more of a connection than most people. You share info with friends and family so we want to be apart of that to be one of them. Those type of men don't realize that you don't need to know everything about someone to be a close friend or as what you said, a potential boyfriend. Those type of men may also have felt that they had to share most of their info to gain trust and a connection.

So yeah, it depends on the type of guy, and the type of questions.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,169
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

26 Nov 2017, 8:33 am

Someone who tends to be withdrawn & aloof with everyone like some Aspies may be a a better choice.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,145

26 Nov 2017, 8:43 am

You may be able to make a good guess by reading profiles. POF has Chemistry and Needs reports that may be worth reading.



fluffysaurus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,723
Location: England

26 Nov 2017, 10:01 am

Hello,

Do you mean needing to know what you're thinking all the time, or rummaging through your stuff. Both sound awful to me, I'm very territorial and I need my space. I think looking for someone who doesn't have trust issues is probably a good idea. And question whether your own behaviour contributes to the problem. I'm Aspie and I do not always give people the signs of affection that they appear to need, which could leave them feeling insecure.

Since I cannot imagine cheating on someone, I would find being not trusted very insulting, but other people seem to have other ideas, some consider it normal to look through their partners phone.



elbowgrease
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Aug 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,509
Location: Arcata,CA

26 Nov 2017, 10:34 am

I think you have to try to make your boundaries clear and make it known that you won't be ok with it if they're crossed. Early on.



Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,569

26 Nov 2017, 11:54 am

elbowgrease wrote:
I think you have to try to make your boundaries clear and make it known that you won't be ok with it if they're crossed. Early on.


I agree with this. Make it clear that you want and need a certain amount of privacy and give him actual examples on what it means. If he can't accept these things then try to work out some kind of compromise. If you can make one yet he constantly breaks some privacy rules you two have agreed on then he's not the right one for you... in other words you should leave him.

As for how to find a guy that is likely to accept your need for privacy (which I assume is above that of an average woman)... well, if they mention that they like to have their privacy than it's a good sign. It's not always the case, but from what I've seen people who have a big need for privacy are more likely to respect other people's privacy than those who don't have it. Other than that you can't really know without getting to know the guy.