OhkaBaka wrote:
There is a thing that happens when guys, (I'll say "we" cause it happened to me), start working through these issues. It generally comes out as you've said it here.
"I didn't rape anybody", "I didn't do this", "I'm not like him"... etc...
Try this on for size: Asking a woman to say or confirm that you don't abuse your power as a man is an abuse of your power as a man.
Think about that in a different context: The bully who steals your milk money and is generally dangerous ALL THE TIME, is standing next to you being dangerous and threatening when the principal comes out and says "Hey there! What the hell is going on" and the bully says "nah, I'm not doing anything. Me and my buddy here are fine. We're fine, right?"
You're the bully here because of the way you were born. It isn't your fault, but you get to choose to continue to perpetuate the bullying or not.
I'm feeling I don't totally understand, can you elaborate how Aspergers guys like me are in fact the bully. Not to disagree but to understand, I might just need to see a rewording or elaboration to fully understand.
OhkaBaka wrote:
SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
Most importantly, if you would in fact say that the previous statement is True then what can I do about it.
Be a good human. The rest will sort itself out.
Don't try to BE anything that isn't "good human" If you are trying, then you are lying, and that is its own kind of abuse.
That is the conclusion I had. All I can really try to do is be a good human as I won't feel good otherwise.
I'm willing to make personal changes but there is a limit to that. If I would have to adopt behaviours that are abusive towards others I think I would then say I'm out. If I had to become a psychopath/sociopath/machiavellian in order to have relationship I think I would chose to be alone. It's like what can I do what can I change, while staying within reason and not completely abandoning who I am as a person.
OhkaBaka wrote:
SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
I've dismissed this always in the past as people literally believing in eugenics, as in because I have a mental illness I shouldn't procreate cause that's gonna produce more psychos, rapists and murderers. Are Aspergers men seen the same way by women as the men with severe mental handicaps like they can't dress themselves or take care of themselves sufficiently so as to keep themselves alive as an independent person. That's how I feel women see me, like they doubt I can dress myself in the morning and they figure I am mentally incompetent.
Does a nice butt make up for the wrong colored eyes? How much crazy would you tolerate for someone who made you breakfast? Is a woman's messy apartment more or less important than the warmth of her embrace.
I'll bet you accept that that is different for every man, and not thinking that extends to women is sexist. Women are not manufactured to a certain standard, someone will tolerate your butt because of your eyes, someone will tolerate you tics because of your smile, someone will ADORE YOU despite your aspergers. You just have to get out of your own way.
The preferences are a really strange and fascinating thing to me. Because I've got a standard type in mind but I can still feel attracted to some girls who don't fit that mold. Basically I don't 100% know what I want as somebody's look can be totally different but still be attractive. I am often told I am not good though it was mostly in past, it seemed to be a widely held opinion so it seemed to be a linear scale rather than something more complex. They'd say things like how guys deal with difficult past is a reflection of their true human worth meaning the real men overcome but the Peter Pans do not, like the most true form of trial by fire. That a flawed childhood is also a reflection of the individual having a poor genetic source and also indicative of personal weakness on part of victimized men, a bona-fide Alpha male is both immune to emotional abuse through their personal abuse and would never be targeted by such behaviours. Beta behaviour is a result of going through these experiences without the resilience to overcome and the fact that the situation faced them was a result of personal deficiency.
How much crazy would I tolerate? For me it needs to qualify as a healthy, non abusive and mutually beneficial relationship. Is it having a net positive or net negative effect on the mental health and emotional well being of each of us.
I want to try to pick up on it if a girl is seeking a parasitic and abusive relationship like if they are wanting to feel good by making me feel bad. Like mind games, the let's see what I can do to ruin his day kind of stuff. I am opting out when it is at the point it becomes clear to me that being alone would be better for my mental health then continuing with the relationship. I would try to resolve issue diplomatically but if
that is in fact precisely what they are seeking then the bottom line is I am not the guy for them.
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My account is often forced to do Captchas so I may be slow to reply or perhaps even unable to reply.
07 Feb 2018, 6:06 pm
