Don't know if I'm on a hopeless journey or not

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Why can't you get a hint that you aren't being helpful and get lost? There's actually people on here who agree with me in regards to your posts. Also, keep crying that river for me. If you think I am going to just "take s**t", you are damn wrong.

Last edited by Marknis on 22 Apr 2018, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why are you being so rude to the only person trying to keep you focused on the “signal,” of your thread(s) instead of just letting you get lost in the distraction of the “noise?”

Focus, Marknis, focus!

Go re-read all of the positive advice people have given you and make a plan to take action & start changing yourself, and in turn your life, for the better.

You asked me so don't get upset if you don't like what I say.

1) You accused me of objectifying women and wanting to be a Donald Trump Jr. based on someone's hideously inaccurate view about me. The moron cherry picked one of my posts and twisted that bit to attack me.

2) You shoved your sexual experiences in my face like the school bullies who terrorized me did. This isn't the first time either.

3) You generally downplay my struggles despite how I've lived all my life in the Bible Belt and know how the culture around me is like. It's a sick and disgusting place where anti-intellectualism is praised while going past certain limits is shunned or even punished. If you had to go through what I did, I'll bet your paradigm about me would get vaporized. And it wasn't just rednecks who called me a "homo" and beat me up, the hip hoppers did as well. I even work with a female hip hopper who doesn't like being discriminated against for being Hispanic but she's not above saying homophobic things and even asked me "Why are people suddenly turning gay these days?"

Not everyone has given me positive advice either. Some have accused me of wanting attention, called me a "creep", and that I need to shut myself away.

None of that has anything to do with deciding to take action and change yourself and your life for the better. That’s what you should be focusing on instead of complaining about the past or doing anything else that’ll keep you in a hopeless journey.

With all due respect, Marknis, you could be spending your time much better than arguing with people over irrelevant matters on the Internet. It's not going to get you anywhere. It's pretty clear that you're distracting yourself from the real problem here - which, funnily enough, is you.

I understand how you feel about your situation. Trust me, I do. I used to wallow in self-pity over never having had a girlfriend as well, but I gradually changed my mentality. Granted, I still have the occasional moments of depression because of it, but instead of them occurring 90% of the time, now they occur less than 5% of the time.

I know it's not an easy task - even for me, it took years - but you ultimately hold the most responsibility for your own life. Find ways to keep those negative thoughts away. If necessary, talk to someone else about them face-to-face. Once you do that, you'll find that you'll be happier than you were yesterday. It takes time, though - I can't emphasize that enough. But the key is not giving up.

Quoted for double emphasis on all of this - especially the bit about it taking time & persistence. Just like with physical health, it takes people a long time to get out of shape and thus people shouldn't expect to be able to get into shape rapidly. It takes time, dedication, and discipline - years, even. Just stay the course and do all the little things daily that add up to big changes in the long run.

You're damn right it's not easy, especially when your siblings have no trouble and your divorced parents get married to other people and you can't even get a date despite doing a lot of the things people do to get dates.

I've also been told to lower my standards but the thing is I am not looking for a cheerleader or super model and the women I am deemed "compatible" to be with would require that I change myself for the wrong reasons. Going back to the old paradigm of God having a "plan" for me and shutting out anything "un-Christian" or "American" would be a step back, not forward.

Last edited by Marknis on 23 Apr 2018, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What Have you done to get dates?

And more importantly, what are you going to do to get dates?

And how consistent have you been with what you’ve done?

I’ve said this in previous posts and it bears repeating: People who get a lot of dates and relationships are people for whom rejection is a part of life. All you see is the “happy ending,” but that’s only a microscopic part of the bigger picture.

NT folks won’t have quite the struggle with the script. They do this on instinct and it’s very natural. People who lack the instinct for pickups do better relying on a scripted approach more like an actor in a theater. If your script is unrehearsed, you come off as creepy or fake. You’re going to go through that when struggling with social awkwardness. Over time you start to recite your script just like it’s a part of you, so the creep factor and awkward fakeness tend to fade away. You sort of become your character.

If you ever watch actors when they first read or when they begin blocking, it’s usually a terrific mess. The audience will never see that, though. They are sold on the authentic delivery of a well-rehearsed play and might forget that it isn’t real.

I believe in starting with a small group of friends and snowballing that into a larger dating pool, after which you go from casual gtg as just friends to narrowing the pool the closer you get to feeling you have deep relationships starting to coalesce among a select group of women you meet. I believe in staying organized by keeping a journal and tracking how things go. You are almost certain to at least get a date this way if not, over time, a lasting romantic relationship. Over time, you have the opportunity to develop your people skills. See what girls respond to or what they find repulsive. Monitor and adjust your approach to “game the system” and boost your odds of meeting someone. This WILL work over time.

It’s what I would do if I were back in the dating scene. I haven’t dated in over a decade now, so I know it would take a lot of time to work up to. But I have no doubts that eventually things would happen for me as long as I stuck with it.

And people will disagree and suggest approaches they feel are more effective. And that’s GREAT. What we all have in common is a means for which we meet people, get to know people, and explore the possibilities of mutual romantic interest. And it’s something we repeat enough that rejection doesn’t really faze us. We can shake it off and move on to the next.

You figure out the path you want to take and then you stay on that path. Trying 3 or 4 things 3 or 4 times won’t cut it.

Sounds to me that you are in a really hopeless journey, judging from the amount of similar topics you have started. I'm sure the 237th topic will be the one that leads to success though!

You should do that first before preaching to others.

the OP is struggling to understand his place in this life, and the least the rest of us can do is be graceful and patient with him until he figures it out. some things can't be taught, and the whole social thing is one of those things. we have to figure it out on our own, if we ever do.

Well said, auntblabby!

You have to also keep in mind I live in the Vile (Bible) Belt. I grew up being told my life was not in my hands but God's. I am just glad I overcame that brainwashing despite how long it took.

I hope and pray you can eventually move to someplace better for you, any way you can. I have read of some escapees from the vile belt who eventually hadda say "to hell with it" and just put up their thumb with just their clothes on their back, and end up someplace homeless but at least away from the vile belt.

This is a profound positive change that you have made by your own effort. Remind yourself of this at moments when you feel like you're getting stuck. Maybe even write it down somewhere that you will see it often, to remind you that you are stronger than the negative thoughts are trying to trick you into thinking.