What are the reasons for being single long term?

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At the time I didn't think anything of it, but looking back it was a triumph of collaboration- my colleagues believed me! And stepped in to help.

If only all my experiences of harassment had been that helpful.

Another reason communities are a good thing- they band together to stop their members being harmed. I hope some day humans start forming communities again instead of worshipping money.

normally what keeps a man single is different than what keeps a woman single

Do you have data to back that up?

There are reasons that would apply to both men and women. Mental or physical disability, especially trauma and the resulting PTSD. Although I suspect the typical nature of that trauma would usually be different. Women's trauma would more likely be some kind of abuse.

One big difference between men and women would be money. I think it's easier for an ugly scumbag man to use money not to be single than a woman. A big part of that is social norms about money in dating. I think the people willing to be gold diggers are also still disproportionately female.

Assertiveness is another difference. Men that aren't assertive will struggle to find women who are okay with that. Conversely, openly assertive women will struggle to find men not intimidated by them.

Yeah.



I am 100% with you on that! Maybe add a '0' and say, I am 1000% with you on that point.

I think you could be right. I'll add that guys tend to care about physical attractiveness more than women do. Also guys tend to be put off by a woman having kids more than women are put off by a man with kids. There are plenty of exceptions of coarse.

I think some of my biggest reasons for being single 8 years straight was that I was physically disabled & lived in a hard-core conservative area where disabled people on benefits are thought of as lazy. The gender roles also tended to be more traditional there. I actually had a nurse/pharmacist a while back who had grew up in a town near where I had & she said she has a bit of patients with disabilities or nondisabled but have various health issues who moved here to Vermont from my former state & they like the atmosphere & people here a lot better because people tend to be a lot more tolerant & accepting.

well women can get away with being passive but men can't

Everyone has a different experience. Sometimes women approach men; sometimes women aren’t approached by men.

I got the three girlfriends I've had by them making the 1st move but I realize I'm more of a minority situation. Me making the 1st move never worked. I either said or did the wrong things or they woulda not been interested in me either way. I'm too oblivious & take what others say at face value too much to realize someone likes me if they aren't direct. Perhaps I missed some opportunities but I'm sure maitaining a relationship with someone very indirect would be extremely problematic for the both of us.

I don't have a viable way to meet anyone. I don't have any friends and generally can't think of anything I want to go do by myself so I generally just stay home. When I do go out, I generally go to a cigar/pipe lounge and there are never single women there or I go fishing which is something I just do by myself.

I can name a lot of factors influencing my perpetual singleness, and I’m confident that many other straight Autistic men out there have very similar reasons.

1) Having sensory issues surrounding loud/crowded environments makes me avoid bars/clubs.

2) While I do have friends, most of them live in different states from me and thus it is more difficult for them to introduce me to potential partners.

3) I’m very average looking and barely 5’8’’, so attracting a partner through looks alone is not something I can easily do.

4) I think I’d be better off with an Autistic partner than an NT (mainly because I don’t want to have to mask 24/7), but nearly every Autistic woman I have met who I would consider asking out is in a relationship with an NT.

5) Compared to how it is for other groups like Racial and LGBTQ+ groups, there is very little infrastructure in place to facilitate community and relationship building, such as college/university clubs and dating websites (Hiki is basically dead).

6) The outdated western cultural tradition of the man having to ask out the woman puts men who are more socially awkward at great disadvantage.

Many women on the spectrum can relate to at least some of my issues. According to one study, 9 out of 10 autistic women have experienced sexual violence. It's a relatively small study, but it seems like many women here have had similar experiences. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10 ... 52203/full

Reasons why I've been single long term:

1. Previous abusive relationship and other situation which caused PTSD/CPTSD

2. Excessive shyness which makes it really hard to get to know people, probably related to the above

3. Offline, I am only friends with my brother and a cousin. I lost a lot of friends/acquaintances when I was shunned from my former religious community. The possibility of meeting someone through a friend is basically zilch.

4. Selective mutism

5. Not being a great catch for a variety of reasons related to #1.

6. Very average-looking

7. Having standards - similar outlooks, common interests, empathy, a keen sense of humor, etc. I'd much rather be alone than be with someone I do not have things in common with and who will not treat me decently.

Some people have trust issues which makes them difficult to date and thus they remain single.

Others prefer their personal space over shared activities and being with others (an autistic feature, often).

Some people have excessively high standards in terms of what they look for in a partner, whether they declare such or not.

Etc.

The most rational reason I can see for being single long term is genetics and natural selection.

The way I see it evolution and natural selection completely explain why some people are unable to attract a mate.

Some people have more attractive genes than others so it is easier for them to attract a beautiful mate. This is also seen among other animals in the animal kingdom, humans are no exception because humans are also like the other animals in nature.

People are free to trust or not trust as they see fit. Listening to one’s gut is probably a good idea.

I don’t think standards are excessively high. We all like what we like. If someone desperately wants a partner, they might want to readjust what they’re looking for, especially if they are extremely focused on something transient anyway like specific physical traits/characteristics.

a shocking unexpected case for a woman:
https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/24243 ... ird-wheel/