What's needy, and what's too distant?

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Because my shoddy inconsistency means - I just act too extreme on either or. If I feel I'm being needy, I'll then become too distant.

I can't find that middle ground.
It's one of the hard things about AS right? Dunno what I'm doing half the time.

Just be yourself. Don't worry about appearing too needy. If your partner leaves you because you *were* too "needy", then that person obviously wasn't the one for you...

I care ten-fold it seems about what people think of me... I shouldn't... but I'm a paranoid guy lol. And as I like being different to a lot of people, that paranoia gets played on.

So I get stuck being paranoid about the slightest thing I do... and that even includes commenting someone's pic on a website, or simply saying hello...
I'm terrible at this development, chase... stuff. Which is to be expected... would be nice if I could find an aspie or HFA girl... or something.

But - since I can't... well... lol I'm going for the NT that I seem to growing a slight attraction to.

I'm good at first impressions, but I'm bad at developing stuff from there.

In this case it's more about 'trying to get someone' than 'when with someone'.

But thanks anyway buddy.

unfortunately theres no easy answer for this

that is because there is no real right answer for this

it all depends on what you are up against
different people will respond differently to levels of needs

this does mean that in the end for your sakes and for your happiness it is best to just be you and do what you are comfortable with

its inevitable that unhappiness will occur if you get into a situation in what you got there by trying to be "better" than yourself

you can end up wanting to be yourself and feel afraid or uncomfortable doing it because then you will dissapoint

or if you do end up bringing the real you out, now your partner will see you have "changed" and you are not the same person that the knew in the 1st place

so this is very hard

Believe it or not women have the same issues. Do we appear to be needy and clingy or do we act like we don't care? This only seems to be an issue when getting a relationship off the ground. When in a relationship both can work together to find a happy medium.

I did not wanna come off as needy, so my natural default is basicly to be distant, I had a GF for a few weeks, but never was intimate with her, for fear she would not be ready or I would do it wrong (certainly). So I was very distant and she took that to mean I dont love her and I have now not seen her in a mounth even tho we never offically called it off, she wont even hang out anymore. I screwed up cause I dont have experience, but at the same time I feel she shoulda said something, she should accept me for being different, and saw aside from being distant I am a good person and probably the best BF (aside from short comings, like everybody) that she ever woulda had because I care for her, wont cheat and will provide a future.

Seems thats just not enough... and I really fear they may be nobody out their for me, so I definatly over the next couple of days will get online, even for 10 mins and read these threads, I dont wanna die alone.

You won't be alone. You will find someone, sometimes it just takes a little time. Would you rather wait for something wonderful or settle for something that wasn't right for you? I think I would rather wait.

I don't really know either but I think initially in a relationship you should meet about once a week. I think that should be a good middle ground. Then slowly increase it. Also, you have to read her reactions if you can. You might be able to search online for a list of women behavior that signifies they are attracted to you such as playing with hair, licking her lips, etc.

The answer to this problem cannot be define systomatically. You can only use other people as a benchmark. Appearing too needy is probably more riskier.