Woman Want a Man Who they Can Show to Their Friend

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Chronic loneliness from hell is something I have learned to live with. There was a period of my life where it was rarely something I had to deal with but that period is gone now. Inexplicable in its genesis as it was in its demise, a time when I had friends and the future seemed full of possibility is now over for me. Outside of college, in the real world, the NT rules apply to the point where the pain of dealing with them is actually more than the pain of loneliness. The way I look at it, loneliness is a constant companion of mine. The world in which I live is not my own and the motives and lives of others are a mystery never to be solved. I can walk the paths of my life that have yielded the greatest memories and still know that I was an outsider in those memories. So I make a pact with the world to simply leave it alone as best I can and expect it to do the same for me in return. It is unfortunate for me that I am forced to live in this world and unfortunate for the world that it must live with me. Primarily I deal with the loneliness by disappearing in my own head and, there, imagining better worlds than this one where I can participate meaningfully and completely. When the only alternative is playing by rules intended to maximize the level of deception of both oneself and others, it doesn't seem so bad.

-Frank

I am depressed to the point I have no choice but to try. Choice is an illusion like free will.

I think woman see a man as an ultimate fashion acessory. If you are been valued for your attributes rather than the person you are, it is kind of like being used, so you are with in your rights to use her.

Personally the typical alpha male is a turn-off to me.

On the flip-side I have dated a guy who wanted me to lead the relationship and he refused to make a single decision and that majorly turned me off too even though he wanted to be at my beckond call. It just didn't work for me because I wasn't willing to wear the pants in the relationship even though I know girls who would.

I like it when a guy can take the lead but doesn't become some kind of a big-headed bossy dictator.

As for money I think people need to be realistic about whether the guy can support you if there's a chance of getting married and having a family, but I'm not exactly looking for a sugar daddy and I would never date a guy for the money.

OK.

I just get outraged when I see many threads dissing women so much in the Love and Dating forum.

The way I see it, this isn't really a thread about dissing women. Similar behavior can be ascribed to men. Consider the following joke, which I should stress I'm not necessarily advocating the point of view of:

"Riding a moped is like riding a fat chick. Fun 'til your friends catch ya."

What's important to understand about the joke here is that jokes like this, while chauvinistic and unkind, contain a kernel of truth. Virtually all jokes that are actually funny to any reasonable number of people do. Here, the fundamental truth expressed in the joke is that men do, in fact, care what their friends think of the girl they're with. It makes sense to me, when measuring the validity of a generalization, to rely upon something organic like humor. For instance, a joke about how guys love mayo on their french fries would fall flat, because it's not a valid generalization about guys. A joke about how guys like power tools, on the other hand, may or may not work but would not fail because of the power tool aspect, because that is a valid generalization about guys.

People like to date people their friends approve of and, in fact, good friends disapproving of a significant other is a good indicator that they're wrong for you, whether you're a man or a woman. I've been on both sides of this, watching friends make tragic mistakes in love with partners I and their other friends disapproved of and being the one defending my significant other to friends, only to later realize they had been right about everything.

Women are not evil in the first place and certainly not because they want to date someone their friends approve of. If they're really friends, they know her pretty well and therefore are pretty reliable judges when it comes to who's right for them. The problem this presents for aspies, I think, is that they have a harder time standing up to such severe scrutiny because it's all based on them being socially acceptable. Social adeptness not being an aspie strong suit, they're likely to fail the friend litmus test and that's not a false positive either. Instead, it's a helpful indicator that, long-term, their significant other will not find them socially acceptable either and the relationship is doomed. Could've saved myself a rather staggering amount of pain if I'd realized this earlier. My advice to both guys and girls is that, if your friends don't like your partner, dump them quickly and decisively as soon as possible. In my most recent and, believe me, last ever relationship, her friends couldn't stand me and the fact that they were also my and her Sunday School class made it all the worse.

Cold hard bastardly truth? If you can't endear yourself to a guy or a girl's friends, coworkers, and family, and by that I mean any given guy or girl's friends, coworkers, and family, you will never have a functional relationship and probably will be denied the opportunity to ever reproduce for a variety of very good reasons. Cruel as that may sound, I'm not being mean, because if what I'm saying applies to anyone, it does to me.

-Frank