When choosing a partner who needs to...

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Cyberman
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21 May 2009, 3:37 pm

The thing is, I am being myself. I mean, who else could I be, Genghis Khan? (BTW, I like your avatar, ToadOfSteel. :lol: )

starygrrl wrote:
Also the physical thing...don't admit you are a virgin...its a dealkiller for alot of women. Its the one thing you should never say.

Why is that even an issue? Would you prefer a slu*ty, STD-ridden "playah" who's been around the block several times and fathered children with multiple women? But anyway, thanks for proving my point...



i_wanna_blue
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22 May 2009, 7:28 am

CelticGoddess wrote:
I really do think that the guys around here don't give themselves enough credit. There's so much media attention about relaltionships and what they should look like. In reality, I don't think it's true to form.


Interesting statement about the media. It can provide rather conflicted ways at finding friendship. I guess most guys will base their expectations on what popular culture regards as being the right way.

Probably most guys will relate to this. :lol:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBf8JymjgvQ&feature=related[/youtube]

Which is not something you will see everyday on tele.



CelticGoddess
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22 May 2009, 7:37 am

^ :lmao: That's hilarious!! !



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22 May 2009, 9:00 am

flaws are the spice of life.... sarcasm intended.

well really it depends on the individuals involved. Everyone is different in their own strange mutually f**ked up way.


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Tim_Tex
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23 May 2009, 4:03 am

My issue is that my search, in order to be successful, will likely mean renouncing my Christian faith and my conservative political beliefs--or ceasing to watch Comedy Central and Adult Swim.

My ideal match is an Aspie who is a Christian who votes Republican, who likes the above-mentioned TV stations, is goal-oriented, has an extremely high sex drive, and wants to eventually start a family.

But instead the only two scenarios are:

1. One who is a conservative Christian who finds animated sitcoms, comedy, and indie/foreign films offensive because of the language and other content--who are saving themselves until marriage and unwilling to experiment sexually.

2. One who is liberal, likely not a Christian, who likes the things I like, but doesn't want kids, and absolutely refuses to date conservative Christians because they assume that we're all bigoted and uncaring.



Ancalagon
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23 May 2009, 7:35 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
But instead the only two scenarios are:

1. One who is a conservative Christian who finds animated sitcoms, comedy, and indie/foreign films offensive because of the language and other content--who are saving themselves until marriage and unwilling to experiment sexually.

2. One who is liberal, likely not a Christian, who likes the things I like, but doesn't want kids, and absolutely refuses to date conservative Christians because they assume that we're all bigoted and uncaring.

Those are the stereotypes, maybe, but although stereotypes are usually based off of reality in some way or another, they are not absolute. You don't mention less conservative Christians who are political moderates, or non-Christian political liberals who don't make that silly assumption.

I'm not a fan of a large number of criteria. If a given requirement applies only to half of the population (and many apply to a smaller number), and you have only 3 requirements (which is not very many), then only one in 8 fits. If you have 7, then it's one in 128. And several of your requirements apply to much less than half. You end up weeding out people who could be great, without giving them a chance.


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ToadOfSteel
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23 May 2009, 9:49 am

CelticGoddess wrote:
That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, TOS. It just means that timing isn't right yet. Just because we do all of the "right" things, it doesn't mean we get what we want, when we want it. Keep at it. 8)


For how long? I give so much of myself to the world... and all I want is someone to share my life with... that isn't that hard of an order for fate to fill, is it?



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23 May 2009, 11:04 am

Ancalagon wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
But instead the only two scenarios are:

1. One who is a conservative Christian who finds animated sitcoms, comedy, and indie/foreign films offensive because of the language and other content--who are saving themselves until marriage and unwilling to experiment sexually.

2. One who is liberal, likely not a Christian, who likes the things I like, but doesn't want kids, and absolutely refuses to date conservative Christians because they assume that we're all bigoted and uncaring.

Those are the stereotypes, maybe, but although stereotypes are usually based off of reality in some way or another, they are not absolute. You don't mention less conservative Christians who are political moderates, or non-Christian political liberals who don't make that silly assumption.

I'm not a fan of a large number of criteria. If a given requirement applies only to half of the population (and many apply to a smaller number), and you have only 3 requirements (which is not very many), then only one in 8 fits. If you have 7, then it's one in 128. And several of your requirements apply to much less than half. You end up weeding out people who could be great, without giving them a chance.


My ex (also an Aspie--I don't date NTs) fit the description of scenario #1, except that she voted Democratic. I think she might have also been asexual--she even had a problem with hand-holding and kissing.

The people I describe in scenario #2 are the ones who think that all Christians are sexist, racist, and homophobic (Lutheranism, of which I am an adherent, is one of only a few denominations that ordains women as pastors, and recently reserved the right to ordain gay and lesbian pastors). You're also expected to be a vegetarian and not drive a car, or only drive one that gets at least 50 miles per gallon (i.e. a Toyota Prius, VW Beetle, etc.). The liberals refuse to date even moderate Christians--they will only consider atheists, agnostics, and Pagans/Wiccans.



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25 May 2009, 1:03 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Ancalagon wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
But instead the only two scenarios are:

1. One who is a conservative Christian who finds animated sitcoms, comedy, and indie/foreign films offensive because of the language and other content--who are saving themselves until marriage and unwilling to experiment sexually.

2. One who is liberal, likely not a Christian, who likes the things I like, but doesn't want kids, and absolutely refuses to date conservative Christians because they assume that we're all bigoted and uncaring.

Those are the stereotypes, maybe, but although stereotypes are usually based off of reality in some way or another, they are not absolute. You don't mention less conservative Christians who are political moderates, or non-Christian political liberals who don't make that silly assumption.

I'm not a fan of a large number of criteria. If a given requirement applies only to half of the population (and many apply to a smaller number), and you have only 3 requirements (which is not very many), then only one in 8 fits. If you have 7, then it's one in 128. And several of your requirements apply to much less than half. You end up weeding out people who could be great, without giving them a chance.


My ex (also an Aspie--I don't date NTs) fit the description of scenario #1, except that she voted Democratic. I think she might have also been asexual--she even had a problem with hand-holding and kissing.

The people I describe in scenario #2 are the ones who think that all Christians are sexist, racist, and homophobic (Lutheranism, of which I am an adherent, is one of only a few denominations that ordains women as pastors, and recently reserved the right to ordain gay and lesbian pastors). You're also expected to be a vegetarian and not drive a car, or only drive one that gets at least 50 miles per gallon (i.e. a Toyota Prius, VW Beetle, etc.). The liberals refuse to date even moderate Christians--they will only consider atheists, agnostics, and Pagans/Wiccans.


I have never even seen what you are talking about. In fact, many of the relationships I have seen are between Liberals and Conservatives. If I were you, I would only focus on if there is some level of mutual attraction emotionally and physically. God works in odd ways. I, for one, am a Southern Baptist Democrat.



CelticGoddess
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25 May 2009, 1:14 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
CelticGoddess wrote:
That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, TOS. It just means that timing isn't right yet. Just because we do all of the "right" things, it doesn't mean we get what we want, when we want it. Keep at it. 8)


For how long? I give so much of myself to the world... and all I want is someone to share my life with... that isn't that hard of an order for fate to fill, is it?


I'm going to suck and pull the age card (sorry :wink: ) but I've been in the game 13 years longer than you, and life at 21 is vastly different than life at around 30. In my experience, it has only gotten better as I go. Now that I'm 34, I'm finally figuring some stuff out that is important to who I am overall and the people I want/need in my life. I found that my 20's were a huge learning experience in a variety of areas, and my 30's are about taking what I learned and putting it into practice.

You're learning more as you go, TOS. 8)



jemir1234
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25 May 2009, 1:20 pm

Thereason why women are so quick to spot flaws in men is because they pay attention to their flaws all the time. they also spot flaws in women very quickly too.

Man have trouble spot flaw, mainly because we dont care. the only flaws we spot in women are the obvious ones.

What im trying to say is women look for flaws to see if the guys is right for her. and men try to stay away from the flaws because if the girl is pretty he doesnt care much about anything else.



Rafter613
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25 May 2009, 2:00 pm

well there's an evolutionary reason for women being picky: They have a much larger investment in the relationship. A man can just bugger off after impregnating the girl, but (in the time when we developed) a women was stuck with the child for at least 9 months, during which she was weaker and more vulnerable.


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belle_enigma
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25 May 2009, 2:41 pm

Any guy who has the guts to ask me out has a chance. I do somewhat have a small criteria though.

1. I have to be attracted to him and have good chemistry and that doesn't necessarily mean tall, dark, and handsome with a huge ****.

2. He has to keep me interested in him with spontaniety, humor, adventure, intellect... that sort of thing.

3. He has to prove his love to me with kindness and respect. (Not with money and gifts, can't buy my love)

If you demonstrate to me that you're a worthless piece of s*** in the sense that you are unhealthy for me on a mental, emotional, or physical level, then I will treat you as such and dump your a**. I find it quite simple.



Bataar
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26 May 2009, 7:36 pm

belle_enigma wrote:
Any guy who has the guts to ask me out has a chance. I do somewhat have a small criteria though.

1. I have to be attracted to him and have good chemistry and that doesn't necessarily mean tall, dark, and handsome with a huge ****.

2. He has to keep me interested in him with spontaniety, humor, adventure, intellect... that sort of thing.

3. He has to prove his love to me with kindness and respect. (Not with money and gifts, can't buy my love)

If you demonstrate to me that you're a worthless piece of s*** in the sense that you are unhealthy for me on a mental, emotional, or physical level, then I will treat you as such and dump your a**. I find it quite simple.

How does a guy meet that criteria before you even go out with him?