How to lower the concern of a friend I have?

Page 1 of 1 [ 2 posts ] 


User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,648

13 Aug 2017, 2:25 am

Well, concern is probably the wrong word. Codependence is probably the right word. We are in the same 12-step program. And for some reason, he took a special interest in my recovery..... I think so it could be a distraction from his own.

If I tell him I am playing video games for an evening, if I tell him I am going to the movies by myself, if I tell him I just bought a couple of new shiny BluRays, if I tell him I am found anything other than going to a meeting, he automatically assumes I am in full blown avoidance mode. Sometimes, he is correct about that. Often, that is not the case at all. And it is obnoxious at this point.

He is not a bad guy, but I do not know how to tell him that I already have a sponsor and I do not want to be his pet project without sounding like I want to hurt him. I want to still be his friend. But I need to learn how to set up my own boundaries.


User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.

03 Sep 2017, 1:57 pm

I don't know a whole lot about 12-step programs, but this guy may be genuine in his concern for you and wants to make sure you are not being overlooked and falling through the cracks. I would suggest asking why he is so concerned (which would open an opportunity to explain that you have a sponsor) or say, "You don't need to worry about me. So-and-so (your sponsor) is looking out for me." This way, you can explain you have a sponsor without putting him down.