Say One Thing and Do Another

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A friend of mine who also attends my church said she wanted to round up resources to help with my mortgage. Husband laid off for awhile and starting new job in September. That was a month ago and nothing came of it so H borrowed money to do this. Not a single word about it since.

I've since found a pt job at Kmart. Friend tends to think I wasn't looking. Having an ASD makes it harder. Yes, many of us even though we have incredible intelligence, we are working minimum wage jobs.

Sometimes, people have good intentions---but, for whatever reason, they can't fulfill these intentions.

Who knows why, in this case? Perhaps they just wanted to open their mouths--who knows? Or, perhaps, they really tried, but didn't succeed.

Congratulations on getting the K-Mart job. It's better than nothing at all.

I've known a few people with medical degrees who are forced to be cab drivers.

In the case of this one person, she had a track record of saying things she would do but never followed through. I've decided to let the relationship fade.

Right. Nothing shameful about honest work however it sucks that my vast volunteer experience doesn't count for crap.

People think it's ok to mislead us.

So...don't let them mislead you.

Call them out on that. But do it in a "diplomatic" way.

If you can't deliver than be honest.....I never asked her.

Be diplomatic. I think the best course of action is fade her out. I tried the diplomatic approach previous times and she got all melodramatic.

I don't WANT friends like that.

P.S Baldguy- nobody said she was obligated. She organized fund raising for other church members in need. (I helped). She sure as heck could have done it for me or not volunteer to do it.

I'm done with relationships where I do all the giving.

If she can't accept diplomacy, then she's probably not worth you time.

People frequently get melodramatic out of defensiveness.

Krafty- that is how I surmise the person. I framed my issues in the nicest way when she inquired why I took so long to tell her my husband had lost his job. Her excuse for being judgmental was her being raised in Long Island. That really made no sense. I assured her that geographical locations did not create rudeness.

Unless it affected her in some way, you didn't have to tell her, anyway. It would have been "nice." But you were under no obligation.

Yes, people in the New York area tend to have a reputation for "rudeness" which is somewhat deserved--but, still, that's no excuse. You have to grow from the stereotype.

I had kept our friendship on a very shallow level so that level of sharing would have been too much.

People from NYC are not rudely nosey. She falsely made that claim. I have made the acquaintance of several New Yorkers. They are prone to respecting the privacy of others. They also are direct and keep others guessing. Anyway I'm glad I was able to talk about my situation here. Thanks ☺