"The Mirror"

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One of my favorite tricks, one of the oldest ones in the book for making friends & keeping them around for a while, and blending in at a party or social event is one I like to call "The Mirror", because basically all you have to do to leave at least a neutral impression in a social setting is reflect the group's mood, conversation, interests. etc. Lemme give ya an example. Last Sunday a few NT friends were having a little get-together and decided to invite me, no big deal honestly, but for somebody on the spectrum, well...to say the least it can be difficult. But I wasn't trippin', cause I just pulled out my "mirror". Here's what I did. First of all, I greeted everybody in a similar way that they greeted me. Walked in, and sat on one of the chairs aloof from everybody. I asked them all how they were doing, how life was, etc. all the basics. But then the conversation started. What did I do? Well first and foremost I didn't get off topic, didn't interrupt, didn't really talk about myself or what I was interested in at all. I didn't even talk for the first 5 or so minutes of the conversation. First of all, I listened for the first main part of the conversation. Didn't say a word, just listened. I usually wait to talk until I'm addressed or when everybody else stops talking, I never start talking at a time that would be abrupt and uncomfortable for the people around me. When my friends addressed me, I simply adapted to their mood, asked a few basic questions about the story they were telling (A FEW BASIC QUESTIONS!! lol too many and people might get annoyed) or subject they were discussing, or threw in what I knew about whatever they were talking about, shared my feelings on people they were gossiping about or current events they were talking about. It's all about going with the flow guys. Just remember that, whenever you're in a social setting, just find a good empty spot, kind of near everybody but kind of away from them too, and just go with the general flow of wherever they're taking the conversation. If you don't agree with something somebody says, like, to the point where it makes you uncomfortable just don't say anything and wait until the conversation moves on, and if it doesn't, just move to another spot where people aren't talking about something that'll make you upset, and go with the flow there. Being inflammatory or argumentative always creates an unpleasant environment, and you don't want that. Just logged on this site for the first time since 2010, and I've learned quite a few things. Looking for advice on social skills or dating? Been there, done that, posting forums, be looking out for 'em. I had to learn a lot of lessons the hard way, and I wanna help other people on the spectrum avoid that if possible. I thought this was a good place to start. Trying to be the change I wanna see in the world.

Whilst I have learnt todo this to survive it doesn't make me happy. I hate not beIng able to express myself. So I kind of jump between what you do and my usual obnoxious self. I am trying to find a happy medium a compromise that will suit most situations and still let me be me. Its hard not being a consistent person I feel like a fake.