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graduate122
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18 Jan 2015, 12:26 pm

It seems to me that they are bragging a lot that they have friendships and romantic relationships, and I don't have those kinds of relationships (for the most part).

What are some indicators they are doing it intentionally? It sucks being the only one in my family without a significant other.



Echolalia
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18 Jan 2015, 6:16 pm

Its not really bragging. Its just what consumes their thoughts, the way our special interests consume us. If you are not socially orientated though you will find the conversation so boring you want to stick a fork in your eye. For the social person, this is success, this is what life's about. They can't help but incessantly chatter about it and wonder why you are not doing the same.


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You are very likely neurodiverse.


androbot01
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18 Jan 2015, 8:04 pm

I think nts have feelings of happiness themselves when another is successful. Although I'm only speculating.
I used to have a friend who would go on endlessly about her children. She said a couple of times how "blessed" she is. We didn't have a lot in common.



kraftiekortie
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18 Jan 2015, 9:14 pm

I don't think, most of the time, especially after a certain age, that NTs want to "rub it in."

I used to think that, actually.

NTs just like to be social, usually.

It could be a pain in the butt, at times.



MjrMajorMajor
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18 Jan 2015, 9:58 pm

Echolalia wrote:
For the social person, this is success, this is what life's about. They can't help but incessantly chatter about it and wonder why you are not doing the same.



This. Any sign of social acceptance validates their self worth, and the more the better. In some cases, it seems a game where personal feelings are meaningless compared to social acceptance. I think this makes me shy from people more than anything, because I'd rather withdraw than be used.



Joe90
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20 Jan 2015, 12:42 pm

How come NTs are ''allowed'' to be unaware that they are unintentionally annoying or upsetting or boring someone, but if an Aspie does it (like talking about special interest) we get called selfish and ignorant? This is why I hate being an Aspie. I can be more empathetic than most NTs, but I'm still put into that group with the ''they lack empathy'' myth, but an NT can be selfish, unpleasant and annoying, and they still get to be in the ''yeah, they have empathy'' group.

Not generalizing NTs, because they are all not like that. But I'm just saying that there are NTs out there who are noticeably less empathetic than me and probably a lot of other Aspies, and they still don't get blamed. This is why I want to be an NT. You get the upper hand all the time when it comes to neurology.

''Oh yes, it's fine if that person can do that because they're NT. But if an Aspie does the exact same thing, they are in the wrong and need to learn to respect everyone's beliefs and feelings.''

Guh!! !


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becky72
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20 Jan 2015, 7:01 pm

I don't think most people are intentionally bragging about this. In my experience if they are it is because they are insecure about something which is why they brag. So I generally try to ignore that. It can get annoying though.



corroonb
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21 Jan 2015, 4:17 am

They aren't bragging for the most part. If they are bragging, they will make sure you know. If they are bragging and you don't realize it, then what would be the point? They just prefer talking about people and relationships to objects and processes.



dryope
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30 Jan 2015, 4:37 am

Joe90 wrote:
But I'm just saying that there are NTs out there who are noticeably less empathetic than me and probably a lot of other Aspies, and they still don't get blamed.


I noticed this when learning about the concept of theory of mind. I started watching people and saw that NTs SUCK at theory of mind when it comes to stuff about me. But I "lack" it. Whatever -- clearly the deck is stacked to an NT understanding of the world, while we can read each other much better.

It's like when I was talking to a woman who was scratching near her eye, and I had been taught in France that that was a body language symbol for sarcasm / kidding. I totally misread her signals and eventually just had to come out and ask her if she was trying to signal something to me. (She was American; of course she wasn't. Her eye was itchy.)

When I read people generally, it's based on my own internal memory banks of known human behavior, which is mostly things I know about me (and a few others, like the French one). NTs, I think, are exactly the same, only their memory banks are mostly full of things like them.

So if I'm talking to an aspie and they look away, I think they want to focus on my words. But an NT person might misread that as shyness/disinterest/whatever.

Now extrapolate that simple misreading to the HUGE misunderstandings that come out of making assumptions about aspies based on NT behaviors. And yet, somehow, all misunderstandings are my fault, not theirs. :(

Oops, that was a rant. Sorry. Well, it's over now.


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