Did I make the right choice in leaving this friendship?

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I had been friends with this girl for around six years. I met her at college when we both did not have diagnosises of ASD. Around 2012 she went out and got a diagnosis after her dad disclosed to her they had concerns she had autism growing up.

She aparently saw psychology quite quickly (about 6 months when my whole process took 3 years of waiting lists etc etc) and only had a few paragraphs stating she had Asperger's syndrome whereas mine was more extensive and listed all my symptoms alongside my diagnosis of ASD four years after her diagnosis.

I started to notice she started to change her behaviour due to things she had read about autism on the internet. I understand autism can be regressive, I have regressed in some skills myself as I gave got older but she started to change her behaviour dramatically following the diagnosis and started engaging in behaviours such as being rudely spoken, using partners, cheating on partners and trying to do things in the workplace to get herself sacked.

Since my diagnosis last year and choosing not to be in contact with a mutual friend anymore (who I stopped talking to because she's clearly a bully who prys on peoples weaknesses) she started spending less time with myself and more time with these newfound LGBT and autistic friends she met online who are clearly not her real friends. I supported her through a wedding, an affair and a divorce where nobody else would. I later found out she pretty much used me as an emotional footstool because nobody else would support her or she couldn't find somebody else to go somewhere with her.

About seven months ago she made plans to meet up with me but cancelled last minute and would make just about any excuse not to meet up claiming she was short of cash due to unemployment.

We had a tradition where we would go to an event every Christmas which we had done for five years straight and I always looked forward to spend time with her. She told me she could not do it this year due to being short of cash and I understood the situation also falling on hard financial times myself but I also asked if anything was wrong due to her avoiding me and she said she was just down to being unemployed not myself personally.

So imagine my shock when she posts pictures on social media of all things - not once, not twice, not three times, but five times at the location of the event and at the event with other people! She could even afford to go to another city and visit the event location another three times within the last two months totalling to eight times in two months.

I tried phoning her to ask about the situation, something she has not had a problem with before, only to get no response. I had to ask her why she wasn't answering her phone to which she replied, 'I don't like talking on the phone.' So I left her space for a few months (because even I don't like too much contact with people as it gets overwhelming) and asked how she was. She saw my messages but gave me no reply, but she had time to stay online and speak to other friends of hers. Three days went by, gave her one more message then decided to delete her from Facebook.

Did I do the right thing? Or is this typical of how some people with autism generally behave? I know each person with autism (including myself) is different so was wondering if someone could help me out and give me feedback or suggestions on this situation?

I also found she was doing a lot of autism awareness but it wasn't directed to raise awareness towards autism - it was more directing quotes towards herself and telling her entire Facebook about how her autism makes her quirky, special, unique etc etc but you would never see proper awareness directed towards the entire autistic spectrum as a whole.

I believe following my diagnosis and my extensive history on raising real awareness for mental health and ASD stigma she's become jealous that the spotlight is no longer on her and it should be because she was the first to be diagnosed whereas I'm not looking to compete or get attention I just want to raise genuine awareness. I guess I am wondering if this is typical of some people with ASD to behave, or if it's a personality thing?

Tell me if I am being judgementful or unfair here (because I am not aware of how I come across and would like to learn).

Your "friend" sounds like a jealous, competitive person ... more like a "frenemy" ... half friend, half enemy. It's quite possible she felt upstaged when you got an autism diagnosis after she did ... but if so, that's her problem.

Better to find more genuine friends elsewhere.

As for deleting someone from Facebook, there are pros and cons, but yeah, she sure didn't seem like much of a friend, and she doesn't deserve to have you as a Facebook friend.

Yes, I think you did the right thing in just quietly removing her from your life if she isn't going to respect you as a person or let alone value your long term friendship.

It also sounds like a blessing in disguise because she has problems of her own.
1.She appears to have an issue with pride and is trying to fix other people because she doesn't want to fix herself
2.She's a user hello.
3.She's not willing, to be honest with you and that is a sign that she's not a good friend
4. She's a self-centered person
5. She appears to be so wrapped up in her own little world that she's not realizing what damage that she's caused you and others.

I like the three-day rule when a friend rejects you. I did something similar when my last really close friend suddenly stopped talking to me by leaving one text message in asking if she was mad at me. I also gave her three days to respond which she never did. So, I sent her an email being straight forward with her by asking whether she was mad or she just didn't want to maintain things anymore.



She wrote back and said that there was a conflict between us and that we were not a good fit.

Anyway, no I don't believe that people with autism typically behave the way she is acting.

Thanks for the replies it's always reassuring when it's hard to tell if you have made the right decision or not due to finding social skills difficult.

I have wondered a few times myself if she might have elements of borderline personality disorder. I know the two can be very similar and that often misdiagnosis happens on both sides - like someone diagnosed with autism could have BPD or someone with BPD may be autistic. There's some people who believe the two conditions could co-exist with each other.

She's never in a longterm relationship and has at least four different partners a year. The partners she is currently with often end up being cheated on. She's quick to move in with them but leaves not long after. She will fall out with them and delete them from Facebook only to get back in touch months later after she's told you to delete them from your own Facebook.

She's moved house at least eight or nine times in the last four years, last year she moved twice and is in a third property. I've moved twice in the last four years and on both occasions it really shook up my routine and left me distressed.

She seems to copy other people's interests as opposed to getting into her own. She started copying my interests and it was pretty obvious. I wouldn't have had a problem if I introduced my interests to her and she got into them in her own (as I guess we've all got at least one interest we got into because of someone else or because we've tried to work out how to be human) but I post excessively about earth sciences then all of a sudden she starts doing the same, never once in my six years of knowing her did she ever mention more than maybe once or twice she liked earth sciences but now she's become almost obsessed as I am. She wouldn't have liked it if I started posting about being obsessed with stationery because our obsessions are personal to us and what makes others recognise us by personality - I have a friend who is obsessed with birdwatching and mountain climbing and that's how we all identify them.

It just seems as though she's used me and got her way and that now I will be made out to be the bad one who lost touch with her. She was the one who decided her other friends were better and decided to use me and others and I think she is aware of what she is doing.

Yep, she sounds manipulative ... and unstable.

Korvan,
Yes, she does sound like she has some mental issues along with being very needy as well a drama. Can you imagine what it's like for these people to put up with her for 24 hours? If she can't hold onto a relationship or even a living arrangement, I bet she is probably the common denominator.

In regards to her blaming you for dumping her, that goes right back to my point that she's off in her own little world. She probably is aware that she is manipulating other but is so caught in her own little world that she's not even seeing the damage outside of that world.

If she tries to manipulate her, just remind her, "No, the problem is that you aren't being a good friend and that you can't be honest with me about things."

I would have dropped her a long time before you did.

I have shared this story multiple times on here but I will share it again for you Korvan but I had a childhood friend for 6 years before she met her first boyfriend. After that, she made it perfectly clear that she didn't want to be with me anymore.

1. Whenever I would call, she would blow me off. Examples- A. She couldn't talk at the moment because she was waiting for her boyfriend to call. B. She would tell me that I had the wrong number or talk with her mouth full "I'm eating" and then hang up.
2.She only would call me whenever she was having troubles with her boyfriend and would ask me to call him and ask him out for her.

We had a falling out and didn't talk for a few years until her mother called us "Accidentally" but she still wasn't interested and either was her mother.


3. During the second round I called over there several times only to be told "Can you call back in the next 5 minutes? I have such and such to do." Sadly, I fell for it only to learn that she wasn't there and had gone off with her friends and boyfriend.

However, she was also unstable and has been involved in the criminal type of activity along with lying all the time. In fact, she has always been a liar since we were friends along with being a mean and rude little girl. She was also extremely toxic in that she was always putting me down. Her mother was also abusive to me as well.

Sounds the exact same as how my friend was acting towards the end.

It's almost as if they need us to suit their own needs/schedule but cannot be there for us in need.

I will admit this but I was 18 biologically and physically but socially and emotionally I was 12 and 13ish and at the end of round 2 I ended up retaliating against her and her mother because they were being jerks.

Example- We had arranged to for her to sleep over but she postponed twice and had had mother pick up the phone to tell me. "Can you call back in the next 15 minutes? She's putting her make-up on." So I ended up calling back more than once in getting no answer until her mother finally picked up again and said that my friend had gone out with her boyfriend and his friends. I called backed once to confirm thing and talk to her mother calmly. When I did though, I asked "So is my friend's with her boyfriend?" Her mother asked "Who?" I asked again only to get a very annoyed "Yes, Summer!" So I hung up and decided to get even with them.

So here is the immature part- I ended pranking them several times but first dialing *67 and holding down the mute so that anyone who picked up the phone would get frustrated.

I also called over there on when no one was home by yelling at her on her mother's answering machine. Other times I imitated old commercials saying. Once I said, "Hey Culligan Man." I did this to make them mad on purpose.

I also wrote her a physical snail mail letter by mentioning that I was getting tired of her games.