Friend situation

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I've been best friends with this girl for 7 years. She never dated prior to us being about 21-22ish but once she did she started canceling our plans and stuff for her boyfriends.

Now she's in college and in a serious relationship. She never makes times for me, but consistently makes time to have dinner parties with HIS group of friends. Her not having time if she had legitimate duties - a job, kids - would be one thing, but she is choosing not to make time for me.

I confronted her about this and she's treating me like I'm being unreasonable and acting like it's somehow not her fault - like she isn't actively choosing to make me her last priority. I'm so frustrated like she won't even admit she's doing this, she keeps trying to act like it's out of her control. It damn well isn't.

She didn't even make time to see me around my birthday which was nearly two weeks ago (the 9th). She instead chose to go to dinner parties both weekends, and in fact made plans after knowing I wanted to see her last weekend. I don't know anymore.

She is my only real friend other than my boyfriend. What also infuriates me is she acts like I should somehow be able to have other friends - like she had any before her boyfriend introduced her to all these people. Let me make this abundantly clear, she would not even have met these people without him. He laid the groundwork, she got an easy way of meeting new people and the leg up of them being friends with her boyfriend.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to drop her because I'm so f*****g sick of being last priority for someone who I've been best friends with for 7 years and live 15 minutes from. There is no excuse with distance or responsibilities on her end. She is actively choosing to make me her least priority.

Don't bother with people who won't bother with you. She just sounds rude honestly, I wouldn't put up with it. Try and find a new friend, there must be someone that you'll get along with somewhere nearby of better quality.

I am sorry that she's treating you this way and I have been in similar situations myself.

Now does she have Asperger's too?

I don't know if it's her fault and perhaps she still loves you but is so caught up with her significant other that she's not even paying attention to your feelings which I am not saying is right. Please note too there are those people who will hang out with you when they are single but when a significant other is found, those friends get kicked.

If she only associated with you before meeting her boyfriends, she seems like an introvert. I had a friend who is an introvert herself and didn't have many friends. When she married her husband, she suddenly had more friends and his family to do things with.

Remember though, she's in college and that can open up doors for exploration. I know because I am in college myself which not only has classes but lots of special interest groups.

Anyway here are some suggestions:
1. You could call your friend on the phone and tell her how happy you are that she's in a relationship and that she has friends to attend dinner parties with. Then also mention how you acknowledge that she's busy with college and wish her the best. Also explain, "It really meant a lot to me to have you celebrate my birthday and I feel like you have been so wrapped up with everything else that my feelings were hurt."

2. You have a boyfriend too and the best thing for you to do is make time for him. Anyway, have you thought about calling her up and suggesting a double date?

3. She mentioned that you need to make other friends and I agree with her because she's not the only fish in the sea. But, you could drop the hint by her that "You are always mentioning that I need to make new friends. Would it be okay for boyfriend and I to meet your boyfriend's friends?

4. You could also go to "Meet.up.com" and get involved in meet up groups that relate to your special interests like dating groups.

Yes, we both are undiagnosed but it runs in her family and everyone who knows us well believes we have it.


I know and I don't think it's bad she exploring and meeting new people, it just frustrates me that she's doing so at the expense of our friendship. We've been arguing about this and both have said some unkind things, but this morning I sent a message after I had time to send it without it being sent while I was emotionally reacting or pressed for time. As I told her, I have to initiate everything, get rejected 95% of the time. She says she wants to spend time with me, but if she did she would try. She would ask about my work schedule and try to work in time, even if just for an hour. She doesn't.


She generally won't talk on the phone. She's also already aware that I am upset that she didn't make any time for me around my birthday, despite asking her if she wanted to go to dinner with me and my boyfriend.


Oh I do. My boyfriend and i see each other once or twice a week depending. I work 32-35 hours a week generally, weekdays unless I'm covering for weekend associates. I just don't think it's healthy to revolve your life around one person. We had one planned in November but severely bad weather prevented them from joining us to see Rogue One. I do suggest double dates but she already has dinner parties to go to with her boyfriend most of the time.


Oh, I agree. It's just a challenge around here. There's about 250,000 people in the three cities and outlying areas but we still operate on a small town mentality. There's not many social activities to indulge in around here as an adult. Most of my co-workers are incredibly conservative right wing and I don't really want to be friends with them because of that. I've met his friends twice I think. I wasn't dating my boyfriend during that time. I went hiking last April with her and her boyfriend and one of his co-workers. I was there as a buffer to make things less awkward. Then last 4th of July I went to a small dinner party and then to watch fireworks on the river with about 50+ people. That happened because she had already made plans with me and then planned over and I had criticized her for planning over plans with me before and then canceling ours. I don't mean to sound paranoid, but he and all his friends are college educated scientists and she's in college right now. I plan on starting in the fall but I feel like she somehow feels like I'm not like educated enough to be around them.


I have looked, actually a few times, but there's not many opportunities in my area. There's a "friends" group with about 100 members and it seems like most events have 10 people at most attend. I want to do arts or crafts classes but there's not many offered that aren't through the community college, which would be expensive just to do to meet people.

She sounds a lot like a girl who I knew for a couple of years where everything was cool during the first year. When she went to a vocational school for 9 months and met one of her boyfriends, she never had time for me after that. I also could never talk to her about anything without her flying off the handle at me. It sounds like this girl has the same temperament. It sounds like forgetting about her is the way to do things if she is going to treat you like that. I know this sounds cruel but she is a low-quality person.

Also, since you are starting college, you'll meet all kinds of people and regarding the whole intelligence thing, just wait because you will become educated too and perhaps even more so than her. I also bet you will meet some new people in your classes and perhaps some of the activities. If so associates with 50+ people, then she may not be as self-disciplined as you think. In fact, she sounds like more like a social butterfly than some intelligent scientist to me.

Believe me, there are all kinds of free websites where you can probably learn the same science that she's learning and come out in the end even smarter because learning on your own can give you more room before you head to college.