Which social rules do you find don't make sense?
These are people who lose their interest in you and seem to ignore your phone calls and emails unless you confront.
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that makes sense to me.
they are different from me in that they are neurotypical and cisgender. while i am autistic and trans.
big deal.
and there are plenty of precious lil "people" just like them, in that they are also neurotypical and cisgender.
in the past, there have been precious lil "people" that ignored my phone calls and e-mails.
likewise, precious lil "people" phone called and e-mailed me, and i ignored them. big deal. b/c i was too cowardly to tell them off. but i don not feel like i should've had to.
there is no law that says they have to answer every phone call and e-mail.
sometimes, not answering is better than some alternatives.
There are stupid questions, and if those stupid questions are asked enough they can be annoying. Ask a stupid question with the wrong person and you may have a fight.
People who seem to look at people with AS like we are broken ask us some really dumb questions
I was at an autism conference at the beginning of May and one of the ladies there asked me if I remembered her in a very slow voice. "Do you remember me?" as if I could not speak English.
Other dumb questions just because I am different
"Where do your parents live?
"Who helps you clean your house?
"Do you take special transportation?"
One that I heard when I was 13 by a friend of a neighbor, "Do you go to a special school?"
A doctor who was doing a 45-minute doctor's evaluation for vocational rehab interrupted me by asking "Is your father alive" right when I was talking to him.
Another time I was talking to the director of an organization who gives out scholarships since I had been laid off in order to pay for my education. When I approached her, I explained that I had gotten laid off. Rather than saying she was sorry or had any other ideas lined up, I got "Were you working at a sheltered workshop?"
"What qualifies you to ride mobility transit?"
Why women get ridiculed horrifically if we have unshaved legs in the summer.
Men mostly sweat more but it's still socially acceptable for them to choose to have hairy armpits, even though sweaty armpits is disgusted by most NTs.
How something that has always looked really ridiculous suddenly becomes the fashion and it's now OK to wear it all of a sudden.
I would have to agree with you there. I have never understood fashion/grooming trends and why people feel the need to keep up with them.
I'm not sure if this qualifies as a social rule issue or not but I find that a lot of people think that fast people are rude. They move slow in the aisle and they seem to get mentally ruffled when I go by them. I'll admit, I walk fast and move fast. Where I live (SD) people move slower and think slower. But seriously, I didn't push you or cut you off, I just went around you. Are people's feelings really hurt by me trying to get my errands done within a reasonable amount of time?
Someone else here mentioned that some people think they are entitled to respect and to be listened to because of age/job/personal history/etc. That is annoying too. Who died and made these people experts on everything? I find unsolicited advice to be condescending especially if it comes from someone I consider an idiot.
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 107 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 131 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits.
I'm not sure if this qualifies as a social rule issue or not but I find that a lot of people think that fast people are rude. They move slow in the aisle and they seem to get mentally ruffled when I go by them. I'll admit, I walk fast and move fast. Where I live (SD) people move slower and think slower. But seriously, I didn't push you or cut you off, I just went around you. Are people's feelings really hurt by me trying to get my errands done within a reasonable amount of time?
Someone else here mentioned that some people think they are entitled to respect and to be listened to because of age/job/personal history/etc. That is annoying too. Who died and made these people experts on everything? I find unsolicited advice to be condescending especially if it comes from someone I consider an idiot.
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someone had the nerve to tell me that it was rude to make someone wait. and the speaker was referring to couple seconds. (*gasp. the horror*).
a former precious lil "friend" was with another friend. they were walking and i walked slower. the (former) precious lil "friend" had the nerve to try to hurry me up.
it's "rude" to walk and move quickly? those precious lil "people" had the nerve to treat me like it was rude to move and walk slowly.
RetroGamer87
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I wholeheartedly agree. I really hate it when I'm dating a short girl and she walks at something like one mile per hour.
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The days are long, but the years are short
^^short people like me who walk fast tend to look like
yes apparently it's also rude to walk around (or through) groups people in whatever way possible. but i think it's much more rude to take up the entire sidewalk/not pay attention to surroundings and people who are trying to walk faster.
"excuse you", "wooowww", "chill out", "look at speedy gonzales go", "someone's in a rush"...
someone's an as*hole with no spatial consideration. at least leave a small path for other people to exist. i mean i wouldn't be ducking through a massive group of bros on a stroll if there was at least a small space for me to walk elsewhere. and like hell im going to slow down to 1mph so as to not disturb the as*holes (?!)
RetroGamer87
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I don't understand why it's socially unacceptable to put your hands over your ears when loud motorcycles roar by or you are surrounded by noisy brats. I mean, putting your hands over your ears ain't a threat or anything, and I'm sure these noises hurt NTs ears sometimes as well, so I don't know why it can't be socially acceptable.
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Female
Anything about:
-Heirarchy expectations of 'showing' signs of respect (in that possibly anyone of 'lower status' had no right to be human before those who are 'above' them or vice versa).
-Etiquettes that doesn't make any jobs easier (that does not give a 'signal' or a 'message' other than 'proper' or 'improper'),
-And certain actions that are mandatory or restricted to the point that it is as absurd as any superstition (very much so when no one else is or would be present, or affected by the action or lack of thereof)…
How many unwritten social rules fits any of these three?
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RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,970
Location: Adelaide, Australia
-Heirarchy expectations of 'showing' signs of respect (in that possibly anyone of 'lower status' had no right to be human before those who are 'above' them or vice versa).
-Etiquettes that doesn't make any jobs easier (that does not give a 'signal' or a 'message' other than 'proper' or 'improper'),
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The days are long, but the years are short
Horse play and patting each other on the back, touching each other in a non sexual way.
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some articles claim that, as a function of autism, autistics do not like to be touched, as much as neurotypicals like to be touched.
but big deal. not all neurotypicals like to be touched either.
some articles claim that babies whose mothers provided for their physical needs, but did not touch them affectionately, allegedly adjusted worse socially, than babies whose mothers touched them affectionately.
a long time ago, the model of autism was the "refrigerator mother".
some people find horse play fun. they like wrestling, football. maybe they have more touch receptors. of course i do not know. but it doesn't matter why.
some people like horseplay. some people do not. so what?
the problem is when someone that does like physical contact assumes that everyone likes physical contact, just b/c he/she likes physical contact. (the Golden Rule). and then they act like they are innocent. (rolls eyes).
and then i get paranoid that they failed to wash their hands with soap.
but whatever.
even handshakes are a bit gross. especially handshakes.
The thing that really gets me is how people will say or do things just to make themselves look or feel good.
My ex-friend/roommate told someone she would take care of their cat because she wanted to feel "Noble". She probably assumed that I would deny her the cat because of my crazy bad allergies. Then when I didn't deny her she had the gall to act upset over having to take care of another creature rather than go out partying every night.
Another time a high school friends mother tells me she will give me a lift home during a public transportation strike. Then after the strike she offers me another ride home, LITTLE DID I KNOW I was apparently suppose to refuse this and all following offers. Why make a second offer if you didn't want to! Because you were trying to be a good christian! The constant stink eye wasn't particularly Christian!
Not to mention the ubiquitous "how are you doing today" canned response "Fine thank you". I will always give a short but true answer. I don't care who is doing the asking! Don't forget the expected "How was your day" follow up, because some people are only asking because they want to tell you how awesome their day was without being rude!
Then other people get upset when I DON'T accept whatever kindness they think they are giving. What is so upsetting about wanting to split the tab. I don't think people are dangerous just because i don't want a free ride home. I don't distrust a person if I don't want to buy alternating weeks on pizza!
Now I just flip a coin to see if I will take people up on their kindness or lame conversation intros, 50% get upset 50% are happy, a 50/50 ratio is all the world is getting out of me!
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