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When Aspie women and Aspie men don't get along

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Temeraire
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25 Oct 2017, 4:40 pm

CharlesRooster wrote:
I feel like this thread was just an argument waiting to happen


I think you are right Charles, just waiting to happen.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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25 Oct 2017, 5:36 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Sorry Kara I didn't mean to devalue how you feel. I can understand how you felt threatened. The words were violent imagery so obviously you're going to become defensive.

Just by a pure fluke I found this video. I follow The Big think on Facebook and they post all kinds of videos on philosophy and science etc sometimes I have a look through their YouTube page.

This guy explains what I'm trying to say so much better than my garbled words in this thread.



See I ignored your stockholm insult and furthered the discussion with some more info.... That's how it's done ;)


I have no love for bullies and people who wish harm on me, and I won't let you convince me that I should be more accepting of that. I really don't understand why you are defending indefensible behaviour that breaks the rules of this site. Leaving this conversation now as it's pointless trying to reason with people who want to make this behaviour more acceptable. I mean really, take a moment and think about what you are arguing for--allowing them to bully female members because "they can't help it" will not help these guys in any way, nor does making excuses for their abuse. Maybe you put up with bullying because you are used to that and think it's OK because it's what you expect and it feels normal to you, but I don't accept it and I won't accept it because it's not normal and it's not OK.



hurtloam
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26 Oct 2017, 12:27 am

No it's not about putting up with it. My point is about how to reason with people you don't agree with. If you go for the jugular straight away you start an argument. People don't respond well to a direct attack. You never change anyone's view that way.

Entering a discussion with them and reasoning with them can change opinions and perspectives. Let them see you are human, not a biological mousetrap that gets triggered by any tiny misphrasing.

This video is about why people react angrily to people with opposing views. Their brain feels threatened. The best way to get a point across is to find common ground, to make their brain not see you as a threat.



Do you think that everyone who has a different perspective to you should be silenced? Sounds like North Korea to me.

My comments here are not just aimed at Kara, but to everyone who starts flame wars on this forum. Stop it so we can have actual discussions.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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26 Oct 2017, 1:13 am

hurtloam wrote:
No it's not about putting up with it. My point is about how to reason with people you don't agree with. If you go for the jugular straight away you start an argument. People don't respond well to a direct attack. You never change anyone's view that way.

Entering a discussion with them and reasoning with them can change opinions and perspectives. Let them see you are human, not a biological mousetrap that gets triggered by any tiny misphrasing.

This video is about why people react angrily to people with opposing views. Their brain feels threatened. The best way to get a point across is to find common ground, to make their brain not see you as a threat.



Do you think that everyone who has a different perspective to you should be silenced? Sounds like North Korea to me.

My comments here are not just aimed at Kara, but to everyone who starts flame wars on this forum. Stop it so we can have actual discussions.


You really don't get it. I don't want to reason with sexist bullies--why should I want to reason with people who are personally attacking me and wishing harm on me? All I want is for them to stop doing that, and stop making this place a hostile environment for autistic women. If they can't stop being sexist then they should go to a forum where they are welcome to post stuff like that, like Reddit's incel forum. Saying that my wanting the sexism to stop is like North Korea fascism is ridiculous hyperbole. This site has rules, and people are breaking them. I started no flame war, I broke no forum rules so stop lumping me in with the guys who do that just because I'm not as passive and complacent with abuse as you are advocating for some inexplicable reason. Tell the people breaking the rules to stop, not me for calling them on it.



Tim_Tex
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26 Oct 2017, 1:49 pm

Not only are the threads full of generalizations, but they tend to distract people from other topics in L&D.

People with legitimate relationship issues get ignored on here because of the “Aspie men vs. aspie women” threads.

Also, said generalizations are based on seriously outdated gender roles and toxic masculinity.


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hurtloam
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26 Oct 2017, 1:55 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Not only are the threads full of generalizations, but they tend to distract people from other topics in L&D.

People with legitimate relationship issues get ignored on here because of the “Aspie men vs. aspie women” threads.

Also, said generalizations are based on seriously outdated gender roles and toxic masculinity.


I think the problem here is that the majority of us here like a debate more than we know about how to fix relationship issues.



hurtloam
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26 Oct 2017, 2:01 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
You really don't get it. I don't want to reason with sexist bullies--why should I want to reason with people who are personally attacking me and wishing harm on me? All I want is for them to stop doing that, and stop making this place a hostile environment for autistic women. If they can't stop being sexist then they should go to a forum where they are welcome to post stuff like that, like Reddit's incel forum. Saying that my wanting the sexism to stop is like North Korea fascism is ridiculous hyperbole. This site has rules, and people are breaking them. I started no flame war, I broke no forum rules so stop lumping me in with the guys who do that just because I'm not as passive and complacent with abuse as you are advocating for some inexplicable reason. Tell the people breaking the rules to stop, not me for calling them on it.


Silencing people doesn't change things. You just force problems under ground when you ban them.

Open debate can change minds. Banning people from expressing ideas makes them feel righteous and persecuted and they just become more entrenched within those ideas and form little echo chamber groups outside of the mainstream where they can further reinforce those ideas. When they do that they are lost to reform.

I don't think I see people breaking the rules that much. I've reported a few posts in L&D. But I don't mind a debate.