Identifying toxic/abusive people who are stealthy & complex

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Thank you very much and I have to keep reminding myself of that though it still very much haunts me what she pulled next to still feeling emotionally attached because I thought she was my friend and she betrayed me.

Her problem wasn't that she was a sociopath but it was more about her being both envious of me for various reasons and jealous of me because of my charismatic personality with the fears that I would outshine her. She was also afraid that I would steal her husband away from her. Which is highly unlikely because
A. He is so much older than I am
B. He was so stuck on being stuck up
C. We had different personalities

Women get really bitchy when attractive women are anywhere near their husbands. I have been accused of being a man stealer before. I don't want to steal anyone's husbands. It's not my fault that some married men are perverts. It's not my fault that married men talk about sports with me. It's not my fault that women choose to believe the gossip that other women spread around about me.

Like Historygal said, you are better off without that chick.

Ladyelaine,

I don't think she really needed to worry about me being a love interest for him because he disliked me. Why?
1. I am very outspoken and independent while he believes that he can't due to having a piece of his brain cut out due to a brain tumor. So her adult husband was overly coddled by protective by his parents because they believed he was broken. Which is not true because there are lots of things that he can still do very well. He basically feels very intimidated by me because he's been taught that thinks that he "He can't."
2. He himself was jealous of me his wife and I had a close relationship
3. He thought he was the center of the universe and always seemed to think it was okay to get his way.
Example one time he asked me where my music channel was and he basically had an attitude when I told him I didn't have it where he crossed his arms and looked off into space with a pouty attitude.
4. His parents are wealthy while my family really isn't. Basically, they can buy him expensive things that I "Otherwise cannot afford."
5. I am not Catholic like him

Oh blessings Twilight. None of this is your fault. He is wrong to not like someone just because you are a different religion. Unfortunately some Catholics are like that. Ugh

Twilight, He sounds like a spoiled brat.

Ladyelaine, he didn't act like that when they first dated. Rather he was really sweet and often offered to buy me things like coffee. After they got married, his bratty and true colors emerged. He's not only spoiled but also very supercilious.

My ex-friend, is also the bit of a spoiled brat herself and became after they got married next to becoming extremely pretentious and arrogant.
Examples
1. She often talked about how she and her husband never had any money but then I would turn around and she would always have a new outfit on that were from expensive stores
2. She had NLD and not autism or Asperger's so she was superior to me.
3. Whenever someone else had hurt my feelings, she would give me a really cold answer. One time her mother-in-law put me down about how I could not afford to buy some condos though I was just curious. I got "Well maybe she said that based on the neighborhood where you live."
4. The last time she was at my condo, her nose was in the air so high it wasn't funny.

I can't stand when people go around talking about how broke they are and yet they are buying new stuff all the time and going all over the place. I also hate how people turn into complete snobs when they marry into money.

His parents bought them a nice condo about a year after they got married and that's when their noses got pretty high. They were uppity before that but it really peaked when they got that condo.

For example, which was right before they moved in, we went out to lunch at a pizzeria and while we were sitting there she made the point of asking me, "Do you have enough?" which implied that I had enough money to pay for lunch.

Snobs suck.

It's funny because...
1. She always talking about how her father turned into a major jerk after he married her stepmother who didn't like my ex-friend and was cold to her. Well, it sounds like she turned out to be just like what her father pulled after being re-married
2. She always complained about everyone treating her like a "Pile of dog crap" because she had learning disabilities, however, she sure turned around and treated others like piles of dog crap or rather made them feel that way.

In the 'Similar Topics' Section of WP at the bottom of the latest posts, there's a very similar discussion thread: 'Stratagems of Toxic/Abusive people. Manipulation/Gaslighting.'

I also created that topic. IMO there are two major sides to this for people dealing with issues with toxic, abusive, troublemaking people:

1. Identifying the toxically abusive people, even/especially when they make efforts to avoid easy identification. Easiest solution is whenever possible simply choosing not to include such people in our lives. Refusing to speak to such people. cutting contact, leaving social group if necessary, depending on severity perhaps moving away or seeking restraining order. Getting another job perhaps if this stuff is entrenched in your workplace.

2. Understanding their strategies: The simplest form reduction of what they do is that they create feedback systems/feedback loops that cause adverse psychological effects for the intended target. We cannot always easily avoid or otherwise remove such people from our lives so there might be situations where we'll want to understand and potentially mitigate such strategies. Maybe they're your boss and it isn't a simple matter to be able to get another job elsewhere.

I wish to counter such strategies however possible. If I am unable to leave a situation I assume that the inability to leave on my part is already known by them and is considered by them as a calculated factor. What's generally always true is that the targeted individual is viewed in a dehumanizing context therefore they can fully disregard morality.

They even seem to be here in the forum.

There are lots of people on the spectrum who are toxic, manipulative and abusive.

For example, I happened to have a crush on a guy for a long time who was also on the spectrum who was all of the above for the following reasons.
1. He graduated from a top engineering school and couldn't hold onto his two jobs in his field along with struggling to pass an interview
- Everytime I would turn around, he was talking about how his "Autism" let him down in that he couldn't pass an interview. Yet, he never told the whole story about how he thought he was above his employers because he was the smartest guy in the room
-He tried to fix other people while he didn't bother to help himself because he was he's too autistic to function
- He was only nice to me whenever he wanted something but if that wasn't the case, he ignored me and told other people that he didn't want to lead me on and that I was annoying and got on his nerves.
-He was always putting me down and criticizing me about things and then when I tried to call him out, he accused me of being "Too fragile" and that I am the one who needed to learn my lesson.

Interesting, can you link to examples? I am unaware if it would be frowned upon under the rules but if not it could be helpful for learning purposes. Studying gaslighters/abusers will make it easier to detect them in the future and in a forum setting there's the potential for discussion about it.

Specifically I view their tactics as largely being rooted in smoke & mirrors so anything we can do to dispel their illusions will be very helpful.

I have succeeding in repelling one IRL by purposely changing my behaviours due to the knowledge that I was being predicted as a result of them observing my behaviours/patterns. I speculated that they pre-plan their tactics based on these assumptions and when their assumptions were proven false it appears to have made their game fall apart. I'd say more but I think it'll just turn into an enormous wall of text that will bore people.


Do you happen to know if his "Autism" was real or not, is it possible it's entirely fabricated to be his excuse?

My thoughts are that he could simply be a gaslighter who fabricated most everything and chose "Autism" to try to further shame you. An extreme ego can also cause issues keeping a job and passing interviews as well as other things like poorly disguised Dark Triad traits. Seems to me like he has a big ego, flamboyant personality as well as possibly Dark Triad traits due to his impulse to harm others.

I've only been thinking about these sort of people recently but I think I notice that they tailor their strategies around specific targets. Like they'd tell me BS like they're scared of me cause they knew Asperger's Spectrum people who were unbelievably violent by nature and extremely dangerous. And because of this they believe ASD people are legitimate dangers to the public like as if we're all Adam Lanza.

No Preston, he is on the spectrum because he covers his ears when anyone shouts and wears earplugs. The problem is his ego because he went to this exclusive college where he got a bachelor in mechanical engineering. However, he was really mean.

For instance, he compared me to my ex-friend who I was talking about in prior posts in this thread. Basically, it was, "Well she's calmer than you are and doesn't get on my nerves even if the conversations aren't deep forms of intelligence."

Flamboyant? No not at all, but more high strung and had a personality like Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon, combined with Inuyasha.