Anyone else lost the desire for friends and socialising?

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The Grand Inquisitor
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04 Apr 2018, 3:46 pm

I'm honestly just not that interested anymore. I'll oblige people who initiate contact but I'll rarely seek it out myself.

It just all seems pointless to me at this stage. I have a few lingering problems in my mind that make it hard for me to stay present in the moment and just enjoy it, so even when socialising, part of me is somewhere else, which I guess is the main reason I lack enthusiasm for it now.

I do some jamming with one of my friends sometimes and occasionally I'll be invited to a party or something that I'll go to but other than that I'm relatively content keeping to myself. The only thing I do crave is a more romantic connection but I don't see how that can happen at this point in time given my circumstances and so socialising really just doesn't do much for me anymore.

Anyone in a similar situation?



whatamievendoing
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05 Apr 2018, 9:12 am

I do relate to you in the sense that I like to have a lot of time to myself, but I still do my best to socialize and bond with people. I've grown to know my limits when it comes to spending time with other people, though, and I try not to push past them.

I used to actively pursue friendships, but nowadays, I just sort of let them form naturally. However, that's not to say I've stopped actively pursuing them. I do still pursue friendships, only my methods have become more passive recently, for better or worse. I'm not the one to go "hey, we should hang out" - it's other people who do it most of the time. But if I get invited somewhere, I'll happily oblige.


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Daniel89
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05 Apr 2018, 9:15 am

I think its partly being a young adult with autism. When I was in my late teens I couldn't see how I could fit into the Normal world and making friends just seemed like such a challenge that I lost the desire. Now in my late twenties I have no friends or social life what so ever and do crave friendship once more.



i_wanna_blue
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07 Apr 2018, 9:35 am

I'm kinda stuck in the middle. A part of me just wants to accept that I'm a loner, since I've always been one. You know to accept and embrace who I am, but there is a part of me that's really in need of some love and attention. I'm not sure what to do really. Being a loner is easy but leaves me empty, and being sociable is very hard work for me but will fill the void.

I guess there is a part of me that just hopes I can get what I want i.e, friendship or relationship without the need to push myself out of my comfort zone, like someone will just magically enter my life, but deep down I know that's not gonna happen.



Daniel89
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08 Apr 2018, 4:40 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:
I'm kinda stuck in the middle. A part of me just wants to accept that I'm a loner, since I've always been one. You know to accept and embrace who I am, but there is a part of me that's really in need of some love and attention. I'm not sure what to do really. Being a loner is easy but leaves me empty, and being sociable is very hard work for me but will fill the void.

I guess there is a part of me that just hopes I can get what I want i.e, friendship or relationship without the need to push myself out of my comfort zone, like someone will just magically enter my life, but deep down I know that's not gonna happen.


I used to think I was alone but now I just think I was used to being alone. When I was with friends I was happy, when I was around people who were not friends I was stressed out.



LaetiBlabla
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08 Apr 2018, 5:24 am

My view is that a healthy friendship requires as a minimum (on both part):
honesty, independence, awareness of the other's needs, will to help, build and share, tolerance, respect

...I don't think there are many people who reach the minimum

so, I prefer spending time on activities I like

I have never had friends, I don't know what it is like, I have no ideas how you make friends, for me people is something you have to deal with.



VIDEODROME
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08 Apr 2018, 5:32 am

I still desire it a little bit, but I'd never be interested in hanging out with a large group at a bar which seems to be what most people do around here. I also work a second shift job that makes it awkward to meet people at odd hours.

I'm thinking about visiting a local coffee shop to see if there is a community board for events or meetups there.



Daniel89
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08 Apr 2018, 5:36 am

VIDEODROME wrote:
I still desire it a little bit, but I'd never be interested in hanging out with a large group at a bar which seems to be what most people do around here. I also work a second shift job that makes it awkward to meet people at odd hours.

I'm thinking about visiting a local coffee shop to see if there is a community board for events or meetups there.


I think bars are what killed socialising for me I never had the money or the desire to go out drinking so never did it.