People who NEED interaction

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I hate it when people speak over and over, trying to make me chat with them, asking "Is there something wrong?", "are you all right?" every now and then, when I DON'T WANT to speak.


Why can't people just shut up and appreciate being together?


Someone has been trying to speak to me these evening (or rather to make me speak), and I wasn't in the mood for it.

That 's what we said (I skip the beginning, which lasted 1/4 hours and isn't very interesting):

him: Am I annoying you? Why don't you speak?
me: Because I don't want to.
him: But I would like to understand you and to know you better.
Me: I can't speak now. I hate words sometimes. I am in my own world right now. I would rather peer into other people's worlds rather than being pulled out of mine. If you want to spend some time with me, remain silent or speak about yourself, or your thoughts. I will remain silent, but I will listen to you. And maybe you will say something that will make me speak, a bridge between your world and my world.

Phew, that was exhausting, but effective.

oh my GOD, I completley understand what you mean. It's extremely frustrating.

Your conversation is probably exactly the same as the one I have with my boyfriend everytime we get together.

Yesterday he got in a sulk because he thought I was "pissed off with him" when I don't say much. It's like you try and explain to them why you do it, and they don't want to listen or try to understand, even though they say they want to.

If I say, I want more time on my own, he'll get offended, if you try to please him, and not say much, he'll get offended.

You aren't alone.

Me Too Your Not Alone!!

Me too - I hate it when people ask how I feel - because I generally have no clue except in a physical sence - I can say that I think I'm getting a cold - but beyond that all I can say is that I don't want to talk or I want to talk or something . . .
I much prefer listening to people who are good at talking than talking myself . . .
When I want to be around someone I want to be around them for their energy and not necessarily to say anything to them . . .

That was an excellent way of putting it, Fiddler.

When I can't speak to people, I usually just hide in my room. I've learned it's less stressful for both myself and anyone I may otherwise be around.

If I have to be around someone when I am feeling like this, I just make the excuse that I am tired or do not feel well (which is usually part of the problem, anyway). After a few one-word replies or grunts in acknowledgement, I think they get the picture.

I know what you mean Civet. I have days when I don't want to talk to anyone at all, and everyone wonders why I am grumpy. My wife knows to leave me in peace when I'm like this but unfortunately the kids don't........

Afternoons are the worst, when I'm tired, the kids are hyper and the phone keeps ringing (mostly telesales despite having call barring and an unlisted number - how do they find me?) - tantrum material. It would be nice if I could go get some peace, but not very practical...


dunc

We should just have this paragraph printed on a card and hand it to those that continue to press us to talk.




This would make a good bumper sticker for my car. My feelings exactly.

everyone has these kinds of days where they don't see any real need to communicate. i used to get that all the time, but never really recently, except this guy from camp who liked me and kept bugging me for a while during play rehearsals and stuff. it just really gets on my nerves when someone hangs around you all the time and is curious as to what's wrong and all this stuff... because they don't understand you just want to be left alone.

i guess all you really can do is kindly let them know you're not in the mood to talk, like make up an excuse like homework or something (if you're at school) or if you're at a party, tell them you need to use the bathroom or something and give yourself the much-yearned for alone time you need.

i guess it's all anyone can do without seeming too rude or blunt... they may be offended, but if it helps you, then i guess it's all good.

This is just an idea: if you want people to leave you alone, you might try carrying a book with you, or even pretending to read in it; this gives you a "reason" for wanting to be alone or at least not being talked to. It's possible that they won't leave you alone because they can't imagine just wanting to be left alone, for no particular reason they would understand.

Ah, you have a similar strategy to my own, echospectra.

I always brought a book to work during my lunchbreaks, when I worked at a craft store. The truth was I could not really concentrate well enough to read in that environment, but it did keep away awkward and unwanted conversation.

I find that wearing headphones helps, as well. You can also use them to block other people out, or just pretend you don't hear them/notice them, if you don't want to talk.

That's quite a good idea, I might try that myself when I want to be with company but still want to keep my distance.

You'd think the book would tip them off to the concept of being "left alone" but here's a little conversation that always seems to pop up when I bring a book with me to read at work:

stranger: You're reading a book?

me: < shaking my head up and down in yes mode, looking up very quickly with an equally quick smile and then looking right back down at my book>

stranger: What's it called?

me: <pointing to the front of the book where the title is plain to see>

stranger: Is it any good?

me: <no looking up this time...a quick nod of my head...yes>

stranger: What's it about?

me: < closing the book realizing I will not be "allowed" to read another word, getting a mental picture of me throwing the book into the air and stomping up and down on the person in front of me for the rude interruption.>

Instead, I end up in a forced conversation because this person so obviously needs to communicate. sigh

At work, I now read my book or newspaper, in my car.

people just don't get it.

they are fast enough to label people with AS to be "bad at reading body language" (which I am quite offended at, because I don't think I am that bad)

yet when you hint you want to be left alone, they just keep bugging you!! !! !!

Then you have to spell it out into their face, and they're like "oh, sorry, I didn't know" or get offended.

My mum just did it then!!

There was a woman in my College Programme who tried to hook onto me. She was very boisterous and loud and she wanted to go to all of the places that the action was. She was also very pushy. I finally put my foot down and told her that we could go out for Coffee, but we're not going to all of the Social Spots. One night, she was driving 200 miles an hour and making fun of my Speech Patterns. I told her that we couldn't be friends anymore. When I was ready to forgive her, she did a 350 Degree turn and she was cutting herself off from everyone. She showed up at my Doorstep four years ago, after I haven't seen her for five years, and she asked me if I wanted to go to all of these places. I told her, No. I haven't seen her since.

I wish people would understand that, when I enjoy being around someone, without talking, they always insist on talking, making it difficult for me as I have to find things to talk about in return, if I don't talk back, they'll leave that guy who doesn't know/want to communicate. Either way, fun is ruined.