Is there any way out of the pain of unrequited love?

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My friendship with the aforementioned friend is still there, so I am a bit relieved.

I've always had a problem with the quote "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." It sounds really backwards to me. Because if you never loved at all, then you lose nothing. But if you did love and lose, then it's really going to hurt. And what do you "learn" from it? That love is an inconvenience. I know that it's not really "love" if you expect to gain something in return, but how can it possibly be a good thing if you gain nothing from it?

You an anti-romantic or something?

I don't think it's as much about "possessing" the person, although the butterfly and forest analogies make sense in a different context. Sure, butterflies may fly away, but there's millions of them, and only one of "her" (or "him" if you're a woman), and thus we don't want to let "her" go. Sure there may be many women out there, but none of the rest are like "her"... Same thing with the forest: Sure, you can't take it with you, but if you come back, the forest will still be there, and "she" may not be...

Affirmative. Romantics believe that emotions are the most important. I believe that logic and reason are the most important.

I know just how you feel.

I love girls, and I feel so sick of the pain of not having one. I don't want to say that the girls are the ones making me feel the pain, because they are the ones I like, but something is making me miserable.

I disagree with you very much. Your reasoning sounds way to Borg and Cylon-esque to me. Course considering your Avy is a Cyberman..........THEE Cyberman leader for that matter, it makes sense that you'd feel this way.

My Avy is me in my true nature, freewheeling and gung ho. I'm a romantic, but I'm the type of romantic that doesn't let his feelings for a girl if I like her get in the way if I know it's not possible.

Logically(I shuddder at the word....but use it anyway) you're nature sugguests that until you find what you find, you have to be cold and collective.

Now I'm confused. I would've thought that you'd agree with me, because of a statement you made in another thread:

This doesn't go with what you said above. But anyway, you are indeed right about the Cybermen connection, at least in part. But the problem with cyborgs like them, the Borg, the Daleks, whatever, is that they rely on logic alone, and since they lack emotions, they're incapable of a very important thing: compassion. I don't think people should be emotionless, I just think that reasoning is more important. It sets us apart from animals. They have emotions too, but they can't think like us. They're controlled entirely by instinct. Humans are not. We can aspire to greater things. That's why I'm an anti-romantic. Plus, like the Cybermen, if I was too emotional about what I've become (a guy in his mid-twenties who never had a girlfriend in his entire life) I would go insane. So I have to be somewhat "cold and collective" about it.

Personally, I don't see either of those schools of thought as being the most important in a relationship. The most important is that both partners willingly give themselves up to the other (also known as commitment)

Love is the very opposite of putting yourself first, and in a largely narcissistic American (and more increasingly world) population, it's easy to see why true relationships don't form like they used to...

I meant in general, not in the context of a relationship.


I agree. The American culture promotes a very selfish, individualistic attitude, and the increasingly high divorce/break-up rate is probably connected to that, at least in part.

I am Anti-romance, mainly because I don't like relationships, unless both of us feel comfortable with the whole romantic thing. Only one girl who I've been comfortable with, and that was the my most recent (now my ex) girlfriend.

Reasoning is important, but unfortunately, you're making it like it is what has caused us Humans to stay alive so long, and not be like the animals. Why do you think the Borg needed Locutus or a Queen? Why do you think the Cylons needed the human forms? Why do you think the Daleks needed their (and this is current Doctor Who with Tenant....or what Who was before Tenant took his form) God being overseer. Not because they needed logic and reasoning, but because they needed purpose and drive. They needed to understand. they needed to have the simulacrum of emotion.

OK, so you're a "romantic," but you're "anti-romance"... and you're a "relationships advisor," yet you don't like relationships... As Spock would say, "Most illogical," but OK.


I strongly believe that it has, actually. Consider how weak humans are physically... no claws, fangs, horns, etc... not much in the way of fur... poor eyesight, poor sense of smell, poor agility, etc... we're basically defenseless compared to other animals... and yet we've been able to avoid being tossed on the evolutionary garbage heap along with all the other "failed" mutations. If it hadn't been for our ingenuity, which comes from our ability to reason, we probably would've become extinct back in the Stone Age.

A childs life would feel compete and rounded simply by experiancing their parents holding each of the childs hands and coming together to do something positive in the childs life, even if its just a now and then walk through a park both enjoying spending time with an old friend and their child together. or if they are older, coming together for special events like holladays and sports and school events and birthdays, it teachs them love and hope and trust and many other good things, it gives them an idea of what love and caring and sharing should be.
This is being a good friend and role model for your child.

Helping or being a friend is not hurting others to get them over you or even ignoring them.
its not trying to take from them a heart that should be shared that was made between them.
its understanding and patience and letting them know how you feel and where you stand,
of becoming that friend without alianating them or that friendship they once had....

Think Positive and wish all the best, think positive and hope for the best,
Think positive that you once enjoyed something about this person as a person and a friend
and would still get to do so without all the romantic entanglements..
think positive and get the most out of ones life and experiances with others,
think positive and help others around you grow and be happy with better experiances and lives because of knowing you.
think positive and move on in life knowing things will all be right and ok, with as little loss or regreats as their had to be.
move on in life knowing you done what you know to be right to begin with not only with your self but others.
move on with life with a new friendship forged from an old relationship where trust and good experiances may yet be shared and found.
Move on in life feeling good and positive about seeing an old friend every now and then instead of seeing regrets.
Move on in a more positive path of self growth and change together yet never again as one.

Is this wrong or unreasonable?

Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 09 Aug 2008, 7:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

You hit it right on the mark there.

Actually you did more then that. You put it in perspective that I think anyone and everyone can understand.

It's because there is no simple process, that is why relationships aren't understood by anyone else.

There are too many underlying factors that people with AS can't pick up, emotional subtexts that some NT's themselves miss out on, because they're so subtle.

It's no one's fault, but what A.M said here is more then profound. It's no Holy Grail to dating, but it's the cup of knowledge that we can understand where we stand with anyone.

It's about being the friend that they need a hug from, it's about being the friend that lends someone their shoulder on for them to cry or just lean on for support.

It's about being the friend that will stand by them in trouble, it's about being the friend that won't choose sides or snipe them because you're confused, it's about being the friend who chooses to do right by them, instead of others.

It's about giving them what they need more, then what you do, it's about being the friend who will lend them money that you know you need, but know that ultimately it's just money and you'll make more.

It's about being there always, letting them call you whenever just to talk about their problems, and you just smiling because they choose to call you, because they trust you.

It's about them becoming part of your family, even if you never date (Bruce Wayne and Sarah or whatever her name is {current movies}) and treating her like family.

It's about all of that. It's about being part of the human race, and it's about what we choose to do.

No, although its nice to have that special friend in times of need, its not good to be co-dependant on them,
that person may have had enough of that during that past relationship, but its would be nice just having that
friend who will spend the time and listen or just to hang with now and then just because of enjoying sharing
each others company as friends.



This is closer too it, becoming that family for each other, being there for each other but with no demands or expectations.
letting them make their own choices right or wrong good or bad in the paths of their lives as a real friend, just advize
and be there for them and listen as a friend but let them choose their own lives and destinys.

You got to remember that for the most part that even though you may still greatly care for and about the other person that if they was the one who ended the relationship they most likely no longer feel so strongly about you any more, they most likely are burned out on knowing and seeing you, it wouild all take time and of letting each other heal and relearn to trust each other again, as well as learning to trust not to get in the way of new conquests in their lives or that of remaining in persuit of them wanting that old relationship you had with them back when they may not want it.
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I have a child I share, that child needs us to care and share, so it would be in his best interests and it would also help with trust and sharing issues to be friends, so why not make the best of it and also be that friend and enjoy that of what you used to like of that old partner but now as a friend, knowing you will most likely always be around in each others lives it could be an assett to make a friend out of the old partner, I just hope over time she realises this and hopefuly accepts and desires this as well not only for our selves but our child as well.