Settling Issues

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Im not sure if you guys have experienced this, but sometimes when I try settling issues on my own through discussion the person im trying to settle the issue peacefully with gets sh***y on me, practically hands me crap on a silver platter, and it occasionally leads to a fight, I am currently in a self defense course, just in case worst goes to worst. Does anyone else experience this? If you know a way to settle things like this on thier own, please let me know, I dont want to keep going to authority for the rest of my life and I also dont want crap dealed to me on a silver platter. This disability sucks (><), I wish I was normal (><).

Nah, it's easy for me to solve my own stuff. Sometimes, my parents won't respect this right, though, and they want everything their way...

Btw, a good way to solve yer own stuff: Think about the situation for a bit. For example, if it was teasing/bullying, think, "Should I fight back?" or, "Should I tell mom/dad?" The pickt he most reasonable choice. If that doesn't work, then I don't know...

I have the same problem with solving things and I don't know how to change that. I do know that you have to think more positively. Having Asperger's is not having a disability. You are not disabled. You are reabled. You have something special to offer the world that only you can offer the world and the only way your mind and body could contain that is to hold back something else, namely the social skills that make a person "normal."

I know that probably sounds nuts, but it's what I tell myself every single time that I fight with my mum or someone else I love over something dumb. the fights hurt, I know, but what hurts you and everyone around you more is that you consider yourself disabled and abnormal. You're a special kind of normal, just like everyone else on this site.

You are unique, just like everyone else. Everyone else has difficulties and problems. I know I sound all preachy, but I'm trying to help the only way I know how.

Let me know how you're doing,
Tainz

Actually I don't at all think it's negative to think of yourself as a disabled person, as long as you know what that means — that it's not a value judgement about you as a person, that it doesn't always mean anything set in stone about you, that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, and that it doesn't mean anything specific about every single one of your abilities. There are ways of looking at disability that basically see it as the conjunction of an individual and their surroundings, rather than wholly internal or wholly external, too.

Problem solving for me has been a frustration ordeal, Early on after I got my job as a grocrey tocker, I quickly realized that regardless of what I did, or who did what to me, I was going to get the short end of the stick everytime since I had "that" sterotype attached to me. Case in point - For awhile I worked on second shift, 3 - 11, we had a mobile phone that we had to carry around for answering phone calls. I was the one who got stuck with the phone day after day, despite there being 12 others scheduled at the same time. Finally one day I had enough and had conversation with an NT who tried to dump the phone off on me.

NT - Here's the phone

Me - I don't want the phone, I've had it everyday this week

NT - I don't care, here's the phone

Me - Find someone else!

NT - Who? Take the phone!

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...... after the above has repeated a few times.......

Me - (getting angry) Can't you take a f#@%^&g clue! I DON'T WANT THE PHONE!!

At this point the NT goes and fetches the manager, who makes me take the phone anyways, much to my dismay.

So the next day I bring the issue up with my dept. head. I Discuss the idea of assigning the phone off everyday to someone.

Boss - You know Scott, your right, someone should be assingned to have the phone everyday. I think you'd be the perfect person for it.

My Brain - "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! !! !! !!"

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That's how most problems I have with other people get resolved.

Hey, don't worry so much, lots of people, even NTs, have this kind of problem from time to time. It isn't your fault that someone becomes belligerent, its the other person's fault. No one is normal, and by normal, I hope you don't mean that you wish you were like the person who hands you crap on a silver platter. There are plenty of people out there who are worth getting to know and becoming friends with,. Just avoid those people who give you grief, and try to get on with your life with a positive outlook.

I cannot share any experience from my school years, as at that time I was socially disabled and I avoided interactions with my peers. When I went to work, I became part of the team and started interacting with people more. At the beginning I tried to settle "bilateral" issues by discussing them directly with involved people. I thought that they would prefer such an approach, rather than doing it through the boss. This thinking was as logical as it was naive. Exactly as you describe, people would get mad at me and I would accomplish nothing. (We never got into fighting, though ). So I started going over their heads and reporting all issues to my boss. This worked like a charm, and appeared to be a socially accepted way. Go figure! My coworkers were also going to the boss when they had an issue with me (much to my dismay). We coexisted peacefully this way for nearly 7 years. I wonder whether the "bilateral" approach was just the wrong one for any person to try, or whether my unique personality got in the way. (I am not sure if I have AS, but I am a misfit, no doubt.) I actually have no idea how my coworkers were solving issues among themselves.

Thank you for your posts, I'm very pleased to know im not the only one.

Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Jul 2004, 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That pretty much describes the situation where I work. Office politics dominates the daily grind, and aspies like me are quite often scapegoated, singled out for special treatment, and made the victims of double standards since we're percieved as being different.[/quote]

Last edited by LadyBug on 26 Jul 2004, 4:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey pokeakpoke,

I totally sympathize with you re: arguments - my brother and I always have him, and our personalities are like day and night - me an Aspie, and he's got ADD or else he's just *very* hyper, and sometimes we just can't resolve everything.

One thing to think about with self-defense is this: One aspect of martial arts, at least aikido and the style of karate I'm taking, is the emphasis on *not* using our skills unless absolutely necessary. The knowledge that we can defend ourselves if necessary should enable us to be able to have the courage to stick up for ourselves, others, without encouraging or provoking the other person - just remaining calm, taking the emotion totally out of it - something Aspies are *good* at. <grin>

Hope this doesn't confuse you more.

mentalman