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Hi,

I just signed up. I'm glad to have found this forum and see other like-minded people.

I'm a male in mid-thirties and married. I've not been diagnosed but with self-tests I've taken I'm pretty sure I'm an Aspie.

Many questions... where to start...

Friends: I've no friends. What do you tell people, when they ask about your friends? For example, I take evening classes (in foriegn languages) just for fun, and sometimes the discussion comes up where you've to describe your best friend. What do you say?
Or once in a while when I talk with people in the other city I used to live in and they ask if you've made friends in the new place, what do you say? I tend to say "yes" but that's not really true. I've acquintances but not friends. Sometimes I feel that those people ask because they have seen I'm different and were wondering if he is still the same.

Sometimes my wife and I meet new people and we get invited to their houses or they come to our houses. I find that they sit silently. I ask about their life, work, etc. But they do not ask anything about me. I feel rather insulted and neglected. I don't know how to handle situations like these.

I've told my wife that I'm probably Aspie and encouraged her to read more about it but she hasn't made any effort to do that. Of course, we have aspie-related marital woes ("you don't talk", "you don't have emotions", etc) but more about them in a later post.

Thanks much for all the support in this forum!

Welcome Books!! When I'm asked who my best friend is, I always say, my husband. If they press me further, I just tell them my interests preclude forming close relationships, but; I do enjoy the company of many aquaintances.

I am very reclusive, myself, so I don't have a chance to form close friendships. I'm happy in my own little world, less conflict that way.

I sure hope I'm not judged by the amount of friends I have, I'd lose!!

Welcome to Wrong Planet- I always say my husband too when I have to say who my best friend is (not just because I don't have anyone else to say (which I don't but that's beside the point) but because he is the best friend I have ever had).


If you've only just found out about having AS and discussing it with your wife it might be that she needs a little more time to get used to the idea. When my husband was first diagnosed his aspie behaviour seemed to get worse for a while (this was long before I knew I was a fellow aspie too) and I was genuinely worried that he would let this new label redefinine his personality. Perhaps making it clear to her that it won't change who you are but that it might give her some understanding of why you have some of the difficulties you do in your relationship.

I think that if you have trouble showing your emotions the best option (well for me anyway) is to make sure you are very vocal about them- this hasn't been such much of a difficulty with us as both being aspies we both need to say how we feel and it doesn't matter if some of our emotions are 'unusual.

Mel'

Melvis I feel we are both kindred spirits!! My husband is also an Aspie! It works out really well in most ways, for example, I don't have to explain to him if I don't want to talk or I want to be alone. Most friends would never understand and take it personally.

Hi books - welcome to WP!

hope you'll feel at home here. I hope your wife does decide to learn more about AS, it would explain so much for her - our lack of outward emotion and discomfort with small talk can be frustrating or misinterpreted otherwise, as I'm sure you know. As for social situations, it is frustrating being treated as if you aren't worth bothering with - personally I deal with it by not bothering pretending to be interested in them.

Dunc (husband to Melvis)

Dunc! How wonderful is that! My husband and I have been married almost 39 years and we are the only people that understands each other.

I met him straight out of highschool and we have been together since. He was my first and last date. I am very thankful we found each other!!

Howdy!

Oooooh - good one.... I too always used to lie and make up friends, which doesn't lie easy with me..... For about the last five years though I've just started to think "to heck with it" and admitted to not having any friends, pure and simple. It causes awkwardness, no doubt about it, but I find it easier to deal with than lying anymore....

I take it that neither of you knew about AS when you first got together. That was one of the reasons why it took me a little longer than Dunc to figure out I had AS- I just couldn't believe that we would be lucky enough to be together from 17 and both turn out to have AS.

It works out very well for us to for the most part- we're both happy not going out (something that I imagine can sometimes be an issue with as/nt couples), we understand if the other one wants time to spend on their latest obsession (cos the other will want to spend time on theirs) and when we are waffling onto each other about our latest obsession we very rarely get bored cos we're usually not completely listening and thinking about our own

Melvis when my husband and I were dating, no one knew about AS. We started dating in late 1964, married in late 1966. I was diagnosed in 1998.

We were always the same as far as conversation went. The only problem that I can see right now is, we sometimes find it difficult expressing exactly what we mean when we're discussing something.

Since he retired 3 years ago, I've really noticed things I'd never noticed before.

On the whole we get along really good. Mostly because we respect each others "space".

I do the same. I don't tell them the truth because I don't want to sound over-emotional.

Welcome to the Community

My husband listened when I told him I thought I have AS and agreed that it certainly applies to me, but he isn't interested in researching Asperger's either. He said he loved me before I had a name for my strangeness, so a technical term doesn't make any difference to him. For years (before and since I discovered AS), he called me "Rain Man," a term of endearment he uses when he shrugs off, indulges, or laughs off my quirks, and gods and goddesses love the patience in that man, he usually indulges .

Thanks for all the messages of support!!

Does anyone else feel that the NT world works like a jungle? People look for who they can dominate, where a person fits, etc.

I've been called "naive" by more than one person. Sometimes when I feel that I've been taken advantage of, and I confront the other person (which is not very often), I find that s/he just counterattacks.

Why is the world like this?

On a bit different note, I've set Google News to e-mail me references to Asperger's in the news: http://www.google.com/alerts
On average it finds 3-6 news articles a day and emails their links.
I find that many articles discuss some violent behavior pinned on Asperger's. Does anyone else think that this is charaterising Asperger's as a violent "disease" while it really isn't.[/img]