Caught in the middle.

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So, my fiancee and I both have AS. We're also on separate sides of the US. This has been imposed by her family who thinks that we need to be more mature before we're allowed to marry. Unfortunately, that means that they think we need to get rid of the symptoms of AS. They think that it's something that can be gotten rid of, and that we should try to be more like them.

On top of that, they tend to use manipulative tactics to do it, getting in, asking questions where they don't need to be involved. My fiancee is getting room and board working for a company in North Carolina and is currently trying to keep contact with her family to a minimum. I'm living with her aunt and grandparents, which is really hard to do.

Today, her other aunt (with whom she had previously been living in Wisconsin) called today to ask for my fiancee's phone number. (I'm in California) Her aunt that I live with didn't have it and asked me. I hid the AIM window where I was talking to my fiancee until she stopped looking at the computer screen and told the truth that I didn't have it. When she walked away, brought up the window and told my fiancee what was going on and that a call to her mother was suggested. My fiancee told me that she didn't want to talk to them. I can't tell them that because they'd get so upset because they can't understand what they're doing to us.

We haven't seen each other in over a year because they don't want us living in the same state. We haven't been able to afford to visit each other. We've been engaged and haven't been able to be in the same state for over six months of that time. Sure, I was really sick and going insane at first, but it would have been easier if we would have actually been able to SEE EACH OTHER'S FACES.

I'm stuck because they ask how my fiancee is doing, and she doesn't want me telling them what's going on. I understand. I want them out of my life too, with how manipulative they are. I know that I need to get out of this house, but with the AS, I don't know how I can get a job that will support me. I'm 25, still going for my A.A. and with worse job history than if I didn't have anything. They think that I shouldn't be ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED if I'm on disability!! !! !!

I'm getting really stressed at being stuck in the middle of this. I don't know what to do.

They don't want you living in the same state. They think you shouldn't be allowed to get married if you're on disability...no support from them is there, just interference in yours and your fiancee's lives.

Is there any way you and your fiancee could live together, I mean, could you afford it if you combine her salary and your disability benefit? I live in the UK and have no idea whether that's possible financially in the US, but the situation you're in now sounds unbearable. If everyone waitied until they're mature to get married no-one would ever do it, including NTs and just because you're both AS doesn't mean you don't deserve your chance to be happy and live your own lives.

Is there any support available from the state, a mentor or disability advisor maybe, someone who can give you advice financially and maybe help you find somewhere to live near your fiancee? Maybe she could make enquiries her end. It might take a while but I think your long-term plan must be to get together with your fiancee and away from that awful family interference. You've got your own life to lead, I hope you can get some support outside of the family to do it. I think maybe that's the place to start. Good luck to you both!

how old is your fiancee? how'd you meet?