I have a problem!!

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Hi fellow WP members. In Feb.2005 I was suspended from College for jokingly threatening my teacher. Sure it has been nearly 5 years but it's something I think of daily. I always picture in my head what I'd say to her if I got the chance to apologize state my side of the story etc. It's annoying having her voice in my head. (IN MY HEAD NOT OUTSIDE so NO I'm not Crazy!! !) LOL! Kind of like my own personal Jimmy Cricket Conscience thingy or whatever!! LOL! Any tips to deal with this I kind of like it and think it's silly this teacher I like is my "Conscious" but sometimes I it drives me crazy!! ! The other day in the bathroom saying to myself how I'd apologize I spoke outloud and mom asked who I was talking too. I said sometimes I think of the College issue (I DIDN'T DARE mention the teacher!! !) So now I try to keep to myself and quite except when I'm truly alone AKA NO ONE IS HOME! Any tips fellow WP members???

I have the same problem. I call it "memories" because I am not crazy and it is not made up stuff (like the typical voices in the head where things are not real and/or made of paranoia). My voices and memories are things that actually happened that have devastated me to a point that I wish I could have gone back to fix the situations and ended them the way I needed to end them, and not the way it actually did(usually with me being the one who "suffers"). So in order to get "rid" of them I go to my room and I just "talk out loud" and play it the way I wanted it to end and then I feel better. A lot of times, these memories also have people who have been mean and cruel to me and in order to get "rid" of them i also have to say something out loud just to get rid of these horrible memories. That is also because when being "bullied", I never had the guts and/or was always "outnumbered and/or out shined" by the "bullies". I think this is my brains way of trying to either fix the past and/or to teach me and prepare me for what to do the next time I have an "encounter". The brain works in funny ways.

now this to me seems like the ideal problem to have for the young ambitious writer:

the scene is set, cast selected and identified, subject available with implicite plot(s) AND implicite twist and turn, conversation quotably available

see if you can write it out of your system: pursue the entire conversation, in all of its elaborate possible sub-scenario's: what would you say if yoyu had the cahnce; how do you think things would go after that

et cetera, at cetere

maybe by recording it... you may end up mentally no longer having to play the tune

Ya talking out loud=parents think you are crazy LOL! I agree wanting it to end on a better note or whatever IMO I wish I could apologize and fix the issue as you stated. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Kind of glad to have a conscious even if it does drive me kind of crazy LOL!

write her an email and pour your heart out

I agree that writing it all out and sending it to her would be the best thing you could do.

I would add my hopes that in the past few years you've adjusted your sense of humour so that these very easily misunderstood "jokes" are a thing of the past.

I saw her on Facebook and after 5+ requests (even one saying hey it's me etc.) after that one she I guess closed her account since I can't find her on there anymore. Of course Facebook wouldn't be the place to pour your heart out ROFL!

that sucks.

your in a tricky spot now, cus now your not only the threatening guy, but your also a stalker 5 years later
sorry, but really

wait a while, then try to email her or something, but include your apology in the subject line

"Hey its me " may be a bit freaky

I don't have her email. I entered a contest for a DVD and it said send to 3 contacts I used her email but it was disconnected. after nearly 5 YEARS I found her on Facebook and was excited. Like I said after the "Hey it's Me" thing she quit her Facebook. DAMN IT! Thinks for the support.

You can't see her profile anymore because she blocked you, dude.

my point really being: it does not matter whether or not she actually receives your apology - you just use your image of her to channel whatever it is inside of you out ...
for which reason, in fact, it is FAR better that she never receive your first long draft

because that is supposed to out first the frustration you feel;
once that done, just write the 'abridged' version...
and hang on to it so you got it done if ever the need arise

result: you at least did you part of it,
totally up to her what she does about feeling to have a part to play at all...

just another item off your eternal to-do-list...

WOW she blocked me! That's HARSH! I remember my therapist saying "If I was her I'd never want to see you again" That crushed me and for me that's hard to swallow.

Of course I don't know for sure, but it seems more logical that if you were harassing her with multiple friends requests that she would block you rather than leave Facebook altogether. Or she may have simply set her profile to private. You could try logging out of Facebook and refreshing your cache, then searching her name + Facebook on Google to see if her profile is still there.

I think it would be best if you leave that woman alone, I think any further attempts at contact might get you into trouble.

It might be best in future if you do not make threats in jest.

I work in a profession which includes some clusters of people who have a very well developed gallows humor, some jokes about death and disorder are shared by some people in private but there is a problem. If an outsider heard some such jokes, or if the worst ones were repeated with the general public around then it could cause an almighty problem.

If like many aspies you are not good a making the judgement of when it is safe to swap gallows humor tales and laugh at some of the real horrible jokes, then never tell them. It is best to keep your mouth shut rather than tell the "joke" which scares people stupid or makes them think you are a monster.