Yesterday was the second aniversary of my trauma

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Yesterday was the second aniversary of my trauma.
Actually it started there.

Two years ago I got locked away for 14 days in a locked ward, but I had claustrophobia and freaked out all the time, but noone believed me. This is now exactly two years ago.

Two years ago after the trauma I walked arount with memory loss, couldn't devide reality from my thoughts anymore and that problems with the orientation.
One year ago I totally freaked out, had huge mood swings, disocciation and psychotic like symptoms.
I'm not sure. What to think about it now, what happened.

Shall I be happy that it's over and see myself as a survivor?
Shall I be mad at the people who did this to me or mad at me that I behaved so stupid?
Shall I try to forget?
Shall I try to remember?

I'm still sad, yes, and I still have fear, but since over 3 weeks I'm not in this traumatic environment anymore.
Noone noticed, for nearly 2 years in this psychiatric hospital what was really going on with me.
Now, after two years after the trauma I could finally distance myself from the traumatic environment and for the first time I kind of feel disgust towards that place.
I kind of unterstand now, but still not totally.

My mainquestion is:
Why didn't anyone notice?
And the only answer I could find that makes sence to me is:
stupidity

It's okay to feel however you feel, and I hope whatever you choose to do it's a step in a positive direction.

Yes, thank you.

There's not a lot I can say on this.. I'm not really in a great headspace right now. But you have my.. Sympathy and listening. That word.

I dislike the whole survivor thing a lot of people try to push. I think a lot of the time it detatches us from it in that person's eye, makes something lighter and more positive out of a horrible, life-changing event. We're victims of abuse.. We should be able to say that without people judging us or blaming us for it.

I wouldn't be mad at yourself. I wouldn't try to forget, or remember.. Just accept that it's a thing, that happened. And.. That takes time. And that time is often painful, and if I knew a quicker way I'd tell you it, but I don't.

I can relate somewhat. I have been through a lot of trauma, and when the anniversary of the trauma happens I feel very emotional and relive a lot of the same feelings. Anniversaries are the worst thing ever. The time of year, the dates, etc. etc. I don't need to be reminded of what happened. And yeah, like someone said before me, it's OK to feel whatever you feel.

I wrote Tony Attwood about my trauma in the locked ward and that I stayed in this hospital ambulant for therapy afterwards and that I'm confused and that they toled me I would have a lot of other problems.

He answered:

Dear "Raziel" [name changed]

Thank you so much for your message and I am sure you appreciate that I cannot really answer why you were undergoing two years of therapy in Germany but it does appear that the treatment was not successful with you.

I wonder if the recent knowledge that you have high functioning autism may explain many of your characteristics and this is very important information for any psychological or psychiatric support you have in the future that it is based on therapies designed for people with Asperger’s syndrome and autism.

Best Wishes
Tony

Thanks for your response.