Musicial Instrument Jokes

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^^^

The tracklist for the next Rolling Stones album titled "Steel Walking Frames" was leaked the other day:

1. (I Can't Get No) Circulation
2. Help Me Up
3. Nursing Home Women
4, Let's Take A Nap Together
5. Limpin' Jack Flash
6. Brown Splenda
7. It's Only Dulcolax, But I Like It
8. Gimme Arthritis
9. You Can't Always Chew What You Want
10. She's So Old
11. 19th Knee Operation

^^^

Musicians who promote themselves for comedy acts might just be "tooting their own horns!"

There was a saxophone player of great talent.

But there was a problem. He just couldn't play the bridges of songs. You know..."the B section"- the part of the tune where it gets a little different, before it goes back to the original theme. Every pop song has a "bridge".

A mental block. Therapy may have helped. Who knows? For some reason he just couldn't remember the bridge of any song.

He would impress bandleaders with his talent, but then in the middle of a paid gig this quirk would manifest and embarrass his bandmates and he would get booted out of the band.

He got as far as London England.

Found himself unemployed and blue and stranded in London.

So to express his despair he sat on the window sill of his flat with his sax and began to pour out his despair by playing a passionate version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

It was so moving that the neighors all stuck their heads out to listen. Some where brought to tears. They all applauded.

But then they all noticed that he kept repeating the same verse over and over. They all got angry and would yell "HEY! Play the rest of the song!". Soon they were throwing bricks at him. Desperately he tried and tried and tried, but he just could not recall the tune of the bridge of that particular song.

Then a brick smacked him on the head, and he fell to the street below.

While lying on the pavement in pain starring above he could hear an ambulance approaching with its British style siren going "HI-LOW-HIGH-LOW-HIGH-LOW.....".

A harmonica player and guitar player fall off a clliff

Who lands first

The guitarist because the harmonica player has to stop and ask WHAT KEY IS THIS SONG IN?

an elaborate musical joke-

An ambitious young conductor was having a hard time with his first orchestra. He wasn't as smart as as he thought he was, and every time he said something stupid the percussionist at the back played a quiet "b'dmp dmp tish!"

Finally, the conductor lost his temper. "Alright, who the **** keeps doing that?"

a lot of people think conductors ARE the joke.

A little boy and his mom are watching an opera singer perform on stage while a conductor directs her with his baton. The boy asks, "Mommy, why is that man shaking a stick at that lady?"
"He's not shaking it at her."
"Then why is she screaming at him?

An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research.
''How much is this one?'' he asked.
''That one is a monkey brain, and it's $20,'' the owner explained.
''How much is that one?'' the alien asked.
"That one is a female brain, and it's $100,'' the owner replied.
''And how much is that one?'' the alien asked.
''That one is a conductor's brain and it is $500,'' the owner explained.
''Why so expensive?'' the alien asked.
"Why so expensive?!
The owner answered, ''Well, it's hardly been used!''